My son is relatively well attached. Sure he has a few issues, but really he has made remarkable strides in family attachment. He is doing well. When he came to us he was fearful, angry and shut us out. He was manipulative and very interested in adults outside of our family to get his needs met. He could scream and shriek and was really a terrible child.
We have worked hard, really hard. He is a great kid now who only occasionally, barely respembles that really super awful kid we brought home. Today he is wonderful. Loves his family, obeys, has a conscious, etc.... He is a super great kid!!!!!
But, sometimes we still have issues.
Like last week. Instead of asking for what he needed he became destructive. This was subtle. He shredded his sock instead of asking to not wear them because the decal on the side was itchy. Ok, kids do this, it is fairly normal to some. However, at the root was the fact that he was unwilling to ask for what he needed so instead of asking he took things into his own hands to ensure than he never had to wear the socks again. He shredded them. On purpose. Deliberate destructive behavior to get what he needed instead of asking. He has witnessed me putting things aside that his brother (also adopted from Ethiopia) says itch, and he does not have to wear them.
So, we had some deliberate teaching time!
I think it is really helpful to know about attachment issues and what they may look like. If I had not read so much and talked to others with experience I may not have caught this for what it was. I am thankful for the experience of others and super great books that clue me in to the subtle cues of attachment issues.
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