Girl Adopted, video

Girl Adopted.
If you have not seen this video you really need to set aside the hour to watch it on your computer. It is up until Oct 29. You can also buy it through Nov. 5. 2013. http://flavors.me/girladopted

free June 2013 Adoption Today magazine on line

Free June Issue From Rainbow Kids I'm going to make my chatty paragraph short this week so that we can squeeze in all of the happenings in adoption. To start off, our friends at Adoption Today have made the entire online version of their June edition FREE.  Just click on the very top-left graphic (pages of a magazine are turning) and it will open to a 72-page edition on Attachment. Thank you Adoption Today for gifting this important information to the adoption community.

The Dark Matter of Love

The Dark Matter of Love

A movie you can download and watch regarding adoption and the tricky issue of love.
I am intrigued by this and am interested to see what it says. Maybe you would like to do so as well.

Here is the post from Rainbow Kids:

  The Dark Matter of Love

Heard about it yet? This documentary is making waves in the adoption community. Watch a trailer, download the movie, and read an interesting commentary on Huff Post. I'll be watching as well.

Wall Street journal article

Here is an interesting article on Ethiopian adoption. It was published in some Wall Street Journal publications.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304811304577368243366708110.html

Movies and real life: How To Train A Dragon

So, some of us just watch movies, others of us watch them for links to our own lives and those we care for. Well, we are watching How To Train A Dragon. That is a great movie. If you have adopted kids who have had a difficult transition, or have kids who for one reason or another need some special care.... well, you could relate to this movie. We could call it how to civilize the child or how to make part of your family a new child who is afraid of committment. Lots of titles could fit. Next time you watch this movie with your kids, take note of how much like Hiccup we are as parents and how much our kids are like those dragons. In the end if we learn to stand up for ourselves and those we love then we will be trustworthy, a team and much stronger together than we ever were apart. Hmmm, maybe this could be applied to marriage as well. You know men and women are as different as vikings and dragons.
See what you think the next time you see How To Train A Dragon.

Kung Fu Panda 2: movie review

One of the movie options on our flight to and from Ethiopia was Kung Fu Panda (1).  The sequel is here.  Not that we really wanted more of Po, as much as we like him, 4-6 times through the first time was a bit more than we really wanted.  But, we like Po, and we have had a nearly 3 year separation, so we went to see his second movie.  Well, there has been lots of talk about this movie, Kung Fu Panda 2.  Yes, it is a movie that deals with the subject of adoption.  Of course everyone has their own opinion of it.  I will share mine here.   Feel free to share you opinion in the comments.  The more ideas on it the better others can make their own choices.

First a synopsis of the adoption related story line:
Po is struggling to find inner peace as his master suggests he should do before he can move forward with Kung Fu.  He has a strange memory while fighting some evil wolfs and sees a symbol on the arm band of one.  He goes in to a sort of trance and has to be rescued.  This bothers him a great deal.  He visits his father and asks him about his history.  Dad tells him that he "might be adopted".  And tells about how he appeared at his door and how he choose to raise him as his own son.  Po then is flustered and feels the empty hole of his past even more acutely.  He struggles with inward anger and frustration and wonders who he is really.
Off he goes to fight the big bad evil peacock.  Again he goes into a trance with memories coming at him due to the symbol on the peacocks feathers.  He nearly looses his life and certainly gets them all trapped.  Not good.  He nearly dies.  He is found and nursed back to health by a goat who says he is the one to kill the evil peacock.  He finds himself in an abandoned village with the goat and here his memories come to him and he remembers how he was orphaned and how he came to be in a basket at the door of his Dad.  He is sad and angry.  But, he knows the truth.
I am leaving out all the Kung Fu parts because they do not pertain to the adoption story.  However, I would use caution with kids under the age of 7 seeing this movie, as it is quite violent.
Po is told twice in this movie that his beginning was hard and unhappy, but he has the choice to determine how the rest of the story goes, and how it ends.  He finds his inner peace when he comes to terms with what is happened to make him an orphan and decided who he decided is.  Evil peacock rejects the notion that he can overcome his past bad choices and become a hero and better person.  He tries to convince Po that he too should be bitter and angry, full of hate because of his past.  But Po has found his inner peace and knows the choice he wants to make.  Po defeats the evil peacock who killed his first family.  He then comes to the conclusion that while he is the Dragon Warrior and he is a fearsome Kung Fu warrior, he is first and foremost his father's son.  That is his adoptive duck Dad.  He and Dad the duck have a sweet reunion.
The movie ends with a snapshot of a panda village and a Panda wise man saying "my son lives".  Who knows we may be getting Kung Fu Panda 3.

Ok, now my thoughts on this:
I think that this movie is going to be a great bridge to talking about the questions of adoption for OLDER kids.  I think it will bring fear to younger kids.  Only you can gauge if your child is ready for this.  If you have talked openly about this and your kids know their story, their place with you, that is ok to have questions, feelings and fears then all the better.  I think it would be a good idea to talk about some points in general before the movie and some points in specific after, allowing your child to express feelings, similarities and ask his or her own questions.  Of course, this may be best done the day after the movie or later in the day. Right after they are going to have too many feelings to be able to sit and discuss it.  I think it would be good to have their life book ready to look at together and leave it with them.  Be sure you have an extra copy before you do this, just in case. :)

Points from the movie that struck me:

• OF COURSE he is adopted, I mean really, a duck and a panda. But, some families honestly do this to their kids. 
• It is great that he has these conflicting emotions about being adopted and wondering where he came from, what is my story and who am I.  This is totally normal for any adopted kid.  I am glad that they are being realistic here. 
• Most kids who are adopted come from hard places, with a difficult story.  Abandoned, orphaned, relinquished.  None of that is easy and there are so many variable in each of those.  This story gives the story violence and fear.  It is real and vivid and would be frightening for a younger child.  My boys are 5 and 6 and I would have preferred they did not see this level of violence, but it turned out ok.  I have been up every night for a week with one of them and working through fear related behavior from the other one during the day.  I am thinking this is the violence because they did this with Superman cartoon and other sorts of things like that, which we do not see much of.  
• I think it is important to talk with your child about the differences between Po's story and theirs as well as the similarities.  Kids may fear there was violence in their past too.  Actually, the real fear here is that there is someone out there to blame for their time as an orphan and they may feel the desire for revenge.  Po does NOT kill Peacock out of revenge but a quest to protect what is true and right and good.  The movie is not super clear on that unless you have some understanding of Kung Fu, which children usually do not.  They think it is all fighting. 
• Most kids are not going to find out more details than you already have to give them.  A quest for your family is not going to come up with much more than you already know.  At least for Ethiopian adoptions.  No wise goat is going to take you to your birth village and tell you your story.  Therapy could be helpful for regaining memories for kids adopted at an older age.  For most kids more of their story is not going to come.  That is a difference between real kids and Po. 
• Everyone needs a story.  It is good to try to fill in what you know, even if you construct a this could be, or this could be scenario options/ideas for your child.  This will help give the "identity" they need until they can construct their own.  
• I LOVE LOVE LOVE the concept they use here that your begining may have been hard but you can choose how it ends up and how you continue your story.  That is powerful. 
• I think that another idea here is "killing the inner dragons".  That is to say Po had to kill the ideas that haunted him and his own negative feelings and thoughts in order to find inner peace.  He had to accept the hard parts of his story and decide to live in a positive way and embrace the good parts of his story.  It was only then that he was able to feel at peace, know who he is, his purpose and his story.  He gets to write the rest of his story himself and decide if it is a good one or a bad one.  Evil Peacock decided to make a bad story and his end was pretty bad.  Po decides to live a good story and he finds inner peace.  Don't we all have to do that?
• I am super happy that Po had a loving adoptive father, who was supportive and proud of him.  I love that he went home knowing that was where he belonged and who he was.  I love that he was wanted and loved and cared for with joy.  I know that not all adoptive families are this way and that is a difference for some adult adoptees who watch this movie.
• I think there could be a lot of conflicting feelings that come with the end scene of Po's birth father saying his son is alive.  There may be some idealized hope that a child could reunite with his or her birth family.  Some fear that they were wrongly removed (ok this is true sometimes).  There could be fodder here for fantasies of what their birth family was like and meeting them again.  Questions of is my story ture?  If Po believed his birth family was dead and maybe they are actually alive...... are my birth family still out there waiting for me or looking for me too?  This can be really conflicting and I wish they had left this part out.  In most cases the truth is the hard parts of death, poverty, neglect, abuse, etc.  Four younger children this scene could possibly be construed as Panda Heaven, but only for younger kids. Younger than 5. 

So, there you have it.  Now you can decide if you want to take your kids to see Kung Fu Panda 2 or wait.  I would say whatever you decide, be prepared to initiate talking about it soon afterwards, no matter the age of your child.

Trailers and official web pages:

http://www.kungfupanda.com/http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/kung_fu_panda_the_kaboom_of_doom/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEgk9XsFCR0

radio show on adoption

I wanted to make you aware of a web site. I have noted this one before. Creating A Family. They have a radio show that I am linking here that directly talks about Ethiopia. There are a bunch of great shows that will help you along the way on every phase of adoption. This particular broadcast features Melissa Fay Green.
Check it out: Creating A family radio show

Another view on the MOWCYA slow down

A news article about the issues in Ethiopian adoption by an Ethiopian American. This is a good article and gives some view into the issues around adoption and the perception of Ethiopians in Ethiopia as well as some here in the US. I want to point out that the persons mentioned in the article as having concerns are those in the elite societies of the culture. This is the same report we heard when we were there in 2008.  Many, many others who we have met in that time, there and here, are more than supportive, seeing the problems. In most cases we are asked how our children came to be orphaned. They are always pleased that we adopted them. We have never felt anything other than support. For a culture who prides itself in it's young people as the future of the country, there would naturally be alarm at so many of them leaving and under questionable circumstances perceived by this group of concerned persons. I will agree with the article in the stance taken to suspend the authority of any agency found to have engaged in fraudulent practices regarding obtaining children for adoption. This must be stopped. The Ethiopian government has the right to pull the licenses of adoption agencies who are found to have been unethical in this way as well as to suspend the license of others while suspicions are investigated. Let's hope they do it and get it done quickly so children who are truly in need of a family can be given that very precious gift.
So, with that said. Go read this very very excellent article, expressing some real and legitimate concerns.
http://ethiomedia.com/above/2284.html

FREE Download what to expect the first year home with your child

I wanted to share with you an AWESOME reference. This is one of the coolest things I have seen available FREE for adoptive parents. Having been that parent asking all the questions the first year home and doing all the research, I see this as one of the most valuable tools a parent could put in their toolbox. Go download this at EMK right away and use it, or give it to a family who is in their first year or still waiting for their anticipated child. This is a great resource. Realistic Expectations the First Year Home by EMK press.

From the topics included you can see that this is a well thought out and highly helpful 50 pages. This is only a few of the topics, go to the link to see all of them and download.


Strategies for Building Attachment 
by Karleen Gribble, BRurSc, PhD,

Top Ten Tips for Successful First Year Parenting
by Deborah Gray, MSW, MPA

Why Grandma Can’t Pick Up the Baby
by Sheena Macrae and Karleen Gribble

Alone No More...Recognizing Post Adoption Depression
by Heatherly Bucher

Adding The Oldest
by Terra Trevor

Unexpected Special Needs
by Nancy Hemenway

Positive Outcome:
How Can You Combat the Effects of an Orphanage
By Mary Beth Williams, PhD, LCSW, CTS

The Impact of Trauma on the Adopted Child and Ten Keys to Healing 
Trauma in the Adopted Child
by B. Bryan Post

How to Find a Therapist Experienced in Attachment and/or Trauma
by the Attachment Disorder Network

Sensory Integration And the Internationally Adopted Child
By Barbara Elleman, MHS, OTR/L, BCP

Help Your Child Ward Off a Mad Attack
by Lynne Namke, EdD


Strategies to Deal with Anger and Power Struggles
by Christopher J. Alexander, PhD

Link between stress and calcium deficency ??? Interesting study

So, this pod cast is quite interesting. Brings up some interesting ideas about some adopted kids, although not about adoption. Ok, I will just put this out there, you can come to your own thoughts and ideas on this after listening to it. Some kids born in Ethiopia come home with great teeth, while others come with really awful teeth, cavities and thin enamel. Neither one having ever seen a toothbrush before the child care center. Doctors give reports of bone density loss and calcium deficiency, etc. Some have even had bone density tests and dental evaluations done to determine age and found that their child has calcium deficiency and even bone loss due to it, etc... Many of these same kids have a seriously ingrained fight or flight response which we recognize as a reaction to danger and stress. We know that Ethiopia is impoverished, there are a lot of reasons for calcium deficiency, including poor nutrition and even malnutrition. In light of this article and findings, could the stress of poverty and the culturally approved child rearing practices (which would never fly in the US as healthy) be part of what we are seeing in some of our older adoptees? Just a thought. Not saying it is or is not. Just putting it out there for parents who are experiencing some of this as a thought to consider.
Check it out for yourself.

Stressed out! The powerful biology of stress

Pick up the podcast and listen in at http://www.abc.net.au/rn/allinthemind/stories/2011/3098328.htmat .
01/01/2011
A little tension keeps us on our toes - we're biologically primed for it. But 'toxic' stress makes us physically sick, and powerful research is now revealing its potent impact on our developing bodies and brains. Don't miss two world leaders transforming our understanding.

new movie out - adoption focus

A new movie is coming to a store near you. I don't get the idea it is in theaters but will be sold in walmarts. The movie is called Change of Plans and sounds like a good one. A couple finds themselves the guardians of four kids (three internationally adopted) after their parent dies tragically. After the shock of it, they find love and family together. I don't know how adopted kids will feel about the tragic situation of the adopted kids in the story. I myself would worry about this with mine as they have already lost parents and this would be so hard for them. So, maybe older kids. Check out the trailer to see for yourselves.

National Adoption Day and Month

November is National Adoption Awareness Month and celebrations are happening in every state. It is likely there is one near you. Or you can make one up yourself with some friends and family. Go here to find out about events near you and how to get involved.
All the information about National Adoption Day can be found on the web site by that name. Here.

About.com has some great articles about National Adoption Day.
Go here to read about it.
Day by Day activities to celebrate can be found here.
Some ideas include:
share your families story on line or in an article somewhere.
celebrate families created through adoption with a gathering.
share in your child's classroom about the gift of adoption.
buy a book about adoption for your school library or child's classroom library.
work on your life books together
work on a project to raise money and awareness for an orphan care project and adoption.
celebrate your child's birth culture.
watch an adoption themed movie.

How did this all get started?

In 1976, the governor of Massachusetts, Michael Dukakis, announced an Adoption Week for his state. Later that same year President Gerald Ford proclaimed that Adoption Week would be celebrated nationally. President Reagan proclaimed the first National Adoption Week in 1984. In 1995, President Clinton, proclaimed November as National Adoption Month.
The celebration usually includes National Adoption Day with courthouses throughout the nation participating and hundreds of adoptions being finalized simultaneously.
National Adoption Month is a time to celebrate family and to make others aware of the need for adoption here in the US through the foster care system. Many families also adopt internationally and this is a good time to also highlight that need, however the official focus is domestic adoptions. States, communities, and agencies hold events during the month to bring the need for families into public view.

For information on celebrating see Celebrating National Adoption Month with day by day activities for ideas.

More About National Adoption Month

• All About National Adoption Month
• When Is National Adoption Day?

This information was gathered from About.com

A word to the wise on groups, blogs and your privacy

This was just brought up on one of the groups I am on. It is not the first time and certainly not the last. Pre-adoptive parents join these groups to get information and support. They feel a sense of safety with these on line friends. Parents create blogs and post events in their adoption along with some very personal stuff. They want to share with others they love and care about like family and friends. They want to be helpful to adoptive parents coming along behind them looking for resources and answers. They want to get answers and encouragement when things are hard or frustrating. Good intentions. Good perspective. Good purpose. Sadly not all the members of these groups and followers of blogs are "friends" and not all are even adoptive or pre-adoptive parents. The truth is that there are some agencies who are unscrupulous and have "their people" on group sites and surfing blogs and facebook (etc) in order to look for "problems" with their families and to "defend" or control information regarding their own agency. They also use this as a recruiting tool. Many times they are in "spy" mode. That is to say they are not using their real name or are pretending to be an adoptive or pre adoptive parent. Some agencies are more notorious for this. Some agency reps are not in spy mode and are up front about their presence, this just seems more honest to me. Many groups do not allow anyone who works for an agency to be a member. Lots of people keep their blogs private before the adoption is final and many still after. Agency specific networks are often maintained by staff of the particular agency. Some are parent led but still have staff members as moderators. Some staff members are adoptive parents themselves and are on these boards or have helped to create them.  Others don't allow their own staff on the parent boards at all. Not all agencies are unscrupulous and not all will sneak around to learn stuff about you. Not all agencies have such a bad rep underground that they feel the need to control deceptively.  In fact, I think most don't. With all this in mind it is very important to be aware of this when posting. And, be careful which agency you do end up choosing. Unfortunate, but real.

researching adoption agencies
choosing an agency
questions to ask an adoption agency
how to choose an agency questionnaire 

Sesame Street:Song: I Love My Hair

this is darling!!!!!

Resources for your email in box

If you do not get the email magazine from the following resources I would HIGHLY suggest you sign up. You can get the links below.

Adoptive Families
This comes to your regular curb side mail box and is not free. But the online is just as informative and so far has been free for me. :) Secular and moderate.

The Adoption Exchange
has a wealth of informative and helpful articles. I reference them a lot here. It is great! Secular and moderate.

Empowered to connect.
Is the site of Dr. Karen Purvis of the Connected Child. You get a lot of really great articles and resources as well as updates on free video of conference talks on adoption and attachment. Great resource. Moderate to Christian, but for everyone.

Rainbow Kids
This is a site with tons of great resources for your family. Sign up to get their e magazine. Secular and very moderate.

CASE Center for Adoption Support and Education
This one has good information and resources. Secular and left leaning.

Hi
Just wanted to let you know about a new resource and partner. Adoption Experiences is a blog that is putting together people and experience to help each other. They have partnered/linked with The Wayfarer Ethiopian Adoption Resource Blog and are posting my posts over there as well. Hoping this will help more families out there. Go visit them. The Wayfarer on Adoption Experiences.

You can also click their button to the right in the side bar.

PBS airs three adoption related broadcasts

Watch the full episode. See more POV.

New Song and video on adoption

Steven Curtis Chapman, Christian singer and song writer, and long time advocate of adoption has teamed up with Veggie Tales to give us this beautiful clip of what I hope is going to be a great new Veggie Tales movie. It features adoption!
It's A Meaningful Life is scheduled to be out for Christmas and can be pre-ordered at Christan book stores and on line. Learn about the movie. 
The song: You Were Meant To Be, by Steven Curtis Chapman. See it here.
The video and song are beautiful and include families that have adopted internationally, and inter-racially.
It is worth a look and sharing with those you know and love.
Look here for all the details  of the partnership of ShowHope and Veggie Tales and this Christmas effort to raise money for orphans.

Dinosaur Train -- PBS review

Ok, We hardly ever watch TV. But, about a month ago I had sick kids at home and had a ton to do. I turned on PBS hoping there was something great on. The kids watched a show called Dinosaur Train. In this show there is a family of Dinosaurs they are a Taranadon family. They have four kids Tiny, Shiny, Dawn and Buddy. Buddy is a T Rex and he is adopted. The point of the show is that the family goes around learning about different dinosaurs and other animals and plants of the prehistoric period. The dinosaurs are cute and lovable and portray great family values and educational values. I love that one of them is adopted and that it is totally normal. PBS link to games for kids with Dinosaur Train.

So, now we watch Dinosaur Train anytime we are home on a weekday at 8 am. Not very often!!! I am still waiting for this to come out on DVD and in book form.