Girl Adopted, video

Girl Adopted.
If you have not seen this video you really need to set aside the hour to watch it on your computer. It is up until Oct 29. You can also buy it through Nov. 5. 2013. http://flavors.me/girladopted

The Dark Matter of Love

The Dark Matter of Love

A movie you can download and watch regarding adoption and the tricky issue of love.
I am intrigued by this and am interested to see what it says. Maybe you would like to do so as well.

Here is the post from Rainbow Kids:

  The Dark Matter of Love

Heard about it yet? This documentary is making waves in the adoption community. Watch a trailer, download the movie, and read an interesting commentary on Huff Post. I'll be watching as well.

Behavior: is it adoption or is it age?

I just read a great article in Adoptive Families. (click here to read it). It is a common question for parents to wonder about their kids behavior. Is it adoption or is it age? Is my child extra whinny because she is 4 or because she is insecure about her family and belonging? Is my son aggressive because he feels left out of the sibling trio going to school or is it because he is adopted and reliving feelings of abandonment? Adoptive parents are often asking themselves this sort of question. Parenting adopted kids can be tricky with all the normal age and situational behaviors and adding in the ones touched by adoption. Well, this article addresses those concerns with professional and thoughtful answers. Go read it and be relieved. :)

In our house lately there has been a bunch of "i feel left out" sort of manipulative and angry behaviors. K started school and N feels left out, the only kid, of four, at home. We do school at home, it is just not the same. The fact that he is the youngest is highlighted in bold and he is not happy about that and is not about to go down alone. His efforts to take everyone down in the "feel sorry for me" or "try to make myself feel bigger" efforts is getting to everyone. We have taken steps to make him feel special and loved and included but that fact is, he is still the youngest child, the only one NOT in school. He is gradually coming to accept this and maybe it is "his lot in life" but we hope he will enjoy his time with mommy all to himself and find the benefits of being the youngest sibling. Maybe, in time. But for now, we will be glad he is getting used to it, albeit rather gradually.

What I think.........

We asked Phoebe and Olivia five questions, here are their answers.

1. What did you think adoption (or having brothers) would be like?

Phoebe: When I first heard we were going to adopt I was very excited. I was excited about getting two more siblings because then we could play more fun things. I didn't even remember that they were boys or that they did not speak English.

Olivia: When I heard that were were adopting I felt happy, worried, excited and cautious all at the same time. I didn't really know what to think.

2. How is it different than you thought?

Phoebe: Now that we have them, I have found that they are too little to play my kind of games and they are boys and boys don't play the kind of games I like to play. Their English is also sometimes frustrating.

Olivia: I did not know it would be so loud, I didn't know I could get so tired or headaches so much. It was the biggest change of my life and it will never go back to the normal I had before.

3. What do you think about adoption?

Phoebe: I think adoption is a good idea and people all over the world should do it, although some things are still frustrating. It is a good idea because all children deserve to have a good, loving family.

Olivia: I think it is a good thing because you help kids who don't have families and we can teach them about God.

4. What do you like about having brothers in our family?

Phoebe: Now I have someone who will play in the mud with me. They are enthusiastic about hide and seek. They are little so are still learning about hiding in different places. They are also good at wrestling.

Olivia: Though the boys can be boring sometimes, they are fun to play outside with. It is fun to play cars and dolls with them and building things.

5. What have you had to change in order to make the family work well with your new siblings?

Phoebe: I have had to be able to stand the noise of boys. I have had to work on patience with their English learning and age behaviors.

Olivia: I have to learn to not be so bossy and I am working on getting used to the noise of boys. I am trying to be kind and patient and loving.

As you can see Phoebe and Olivia did not really know what was about to hit them despite the intentional work Mom and Dad did to prepare them. You may feel the same way too. It is normal.

Keep in mind the thing that makes life work out well for you in your home and other places is your attitude. That may seem little but it is really big and it is up to you. Sometimes the biological kids in a family with adopted kids may feel like they should not have to change -I was here first- and it is the new sibling's fault for making life different and sometimes difficult. In truth it is all up to you and your own attitude. Most of the time your new sibling is just reacting to things in a way they learned before they came into your family and if you act angry or bossy with them they will most likely react in a negative way. Think about it, how would you react if someone was angry and bossy with you? If you are kind and thoughtful they will learn to be fun to be around. It won't happen right away, they need help to unlearn the reactions they came with and learn new ones that work better in life.
Try it out.
Give it time.
Check your attitude.

siblings of adopted kids intro

Here is a new topic for our site. I hope there will be more of this in the future and more from the girls specifically.
Families who adopt come in all shapes and sizes. In some families there are biological kids and adopted kids. These "sibling" posts will be for and about those biological kids in adoptive families. They have some unique things to think about and deal with.

Some feelings like: where did all my attention go? How come they are so cute, what about me? It used to be quiet around here. I need help with my homework and my parents are busy with my brothers. My friends all want to see my new brothers, is that all they are interested in? What is all this attachment talk? Did I do that, it is soooo gross! Stay out of my room!

So, we intend to interview the girls on various topics and share it here. I will set these posts for comments. So, if you are a sibling of an adopted kid please feel free to share your insight too. I think this could be an interesting forum for kids like YOU! So, feel free to participate.