End of school = feelings of abandonment ?

The end of a school session, whether for a short break or summer vacation, can bring a load of feelings to the surface for any child. Some kids are just so glad that school is out they give little thought to what they will miss about it. Summer or any break is the best! Other kids love school and are sad to go for a variety of reasons, missing friends, a good teacher, fear of the unknown of next year, slow adjusters to change, etc. These are all very normal for any child. For an adopted child there may be one added reason to be sad school is over, abandonment. What? Oh, it may not be the case for every kid, nor even the majority, but for some, this is as real as school itself.
I recently had the opportunity to sort this out with one of my own, trying to put myself in his shoes for a while. Imagine that you once lived with a loving family who (for whatever reason is apt to your child) sent them to a facility with a lot of children and a few grown ups (orphanage but also school), you now have grief which translates into fear of going to school at all, anxiety and nervous energy with no real good outlet. Oh, no you say, my child asked to go to school, he loves it. Yep, so did mine, sometimes it works, other times, not so well. That desire came from the hopes and dreams painted for them by those adults in Ethiopia. When you go to America you will go to school, lucky child! Or maybe from seeing older kids go and the natural desire to be like older siblings. This often translates into some anxiety that seems to stem from no where. Abandonment. Ok, so we get to the end of the year, our child understands his permanence in our family, no longer worried about school. Just in time, school is out and he crashes in a heap of tears and sadness. What? Is this attachment? Does he love is teacher more than mom? Is he just overly sensitive to change, etc? Well, maybe yes, but more likely no. Abandonment. Yep, remember he once lived at a place full of kids and a few grown ups. Then it was his turn to go with his forever family, leaving what he had finally somewhat adjusted to and he never saw any of them again.............. subconscious abandonment, will this happen this time too? No, not this time. But, what if you move? This child could relive his trauma again and will need you to explain that it is ok to grieve, ok to feel sad, to cry and say what he is afraid of. You can remind him that in the midst of change that is every so hard, good still comes. Look for it and be glad when it comes. Love lives in your heart forever even when you are not with those who you love.
Ok, so your child has been home a year or two and this has not come up. So, we are all good, home free, right? Maybe. Maybe not. This happened for our little one, for the first time, after four years home. You never know when those old feelings and scars will pop back up to stir things up. You never know, be prepared, eyes wide open. Talk openly when/if they come up and  things settle a lot faster. No, I don't think it is feeding them ideas, I think it is giving words to feelings that are buried so deep they are like a big cloud of confusion. Name it, talk about it, it becomes manageable.

school, letter to teachers, ELL

WOW! It is time for school already! I am getting my four kids ready for school. I have a 7th grader, a 5th grader, a Kindergartner and a Pre K. Well, I have written my 4th annual letter to the teacher regarding Asperger's and now I am getting ready to write the first of many annual letters to the teacher regarding adoption. So, I thought I would post about resources on that topic.

Here are some sites that deal with school readiness for your recently adopted school age or pre school child.
http://www.adoptionarticlesdirectory.com/Article/School-Readiness-and-School-Placement-of-a-Newly-Adopted-Post-institutionalized-Child/36

Helping your child answer odd and intrusive questions from peers, when you are not there to help:
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1003
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=441

Language and getting ELL services:
http://www.bgcenter.com/language.htm
http://www.adoptionarticlesdirectory.com/Article/Internationally-adopted-post-institutionalized-students-in-an-ESL-class/261
http://www.adoptionarticlesdirectory.com/Article/Specific-Features-of-Cumulative-Cognitive-Deficit--CCD--in-Internationally-Adopted-Children/17 
http://www.state.tn.us/education/speced/doc/QAs_ESLSpEd_MythFact.pdf
http://www.4j.lane.edu/instruction/gp/ell/assessment?printme=y
ELL  program to use at home?    http://www.gemmlearning.com/english_second_language.php

Some other sites that talk about school interaction and teacher letters.
http://www.examiner.com/international-adoption-in-national/back-to-school-for-adoptees-101-how-do-i-educate-my-child-s-teacher-about-international-adoption
http://older-child.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/a-letter-to-the-teacher
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/pdf/DearTeacher.pdf
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/pdf/Adoption_School.pdf
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1546
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/school
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1455 
 
if you need to inform teachers about attachment issues:
http://www.attachment.org/pages_teachers_letter.php

more hand outs for teachers:
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/clip.php http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/pdf/MemoToTeachers.pdf
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/pdf/Assignments.pdf
http://www.adoptioninformationinstitute.org/education.html

In my opinion the following link is the ONE STOP for all adoption and school related information:
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/school
Hoping this gives you somewhere to start and great resources for Back To School!

Help after you are home and for your school

Some parents research all sorts of things, others just let it happen. Everyone has their own personality in how to prepare and plan for life. No matter which you fall into, or somewhere in between, things can be difficult once you are home with your child. Some kids adapt quickly, others don't, some need help, some families need help. Some need a little help to get over a hurdle and some need a lot. There is NO shame in needing a little or a lot of help to adjust. The Adoption Exchange as a great resource for post-adoption help. There are all sorts of things here. Articles, Education, Respite Care, Support Groups, etc..... check it out with the link above.

Educators need help understanding the unique needs of adoptive families and kids who have been adopted. There are great resources for schools too!  This is a list of education opportunities for professionals and parents, as far as I can understand, these classes are put on in conjunction with Colorado Department of Human Services. This makes them very useful and legit for public school teachers who need state approved classes. The Adoption Exchange is really focused on helping families and educators to meet the needs of kids who have been adopted.
PDF booklet from Adoption Exchange on Family Diversity in Education
There are other resources for teachers and schools here too. Take a look and pass it on.