How to Use This Blog

A Wayfarer is a person who is traveling, a particular place, a circumstance, a stage of life, etc. Let's walk the road of adoption together. The journey is so much better with company!
Much of this information is useful for any adoption, but this blog is designed to be a
I hope this blog will be helpful to you in your adoption whether you are considering, waiting or home. I started this blog when we were adopting and found there was next to nothing on the web in any orderly manner. I set about to collect information for myself and then for others. Now, there are more sites for resources, but still not much that brings it all together. I hope this blog will serve as a sort of clearing house for Ethiopian Adoption Information. Please feel free to contribute your knowledge through commenting.
You can search by topic in three ways. 1. Go to the "key word" tabs on top and open pages of links in those topics. 2. Use the "labels list" in the side bar or 3. use the "search bar" above the labels list. You can also browse the blog by month and year in the Posts section or in any of the above as well. The sidebar links are to sites outside of this blog. While I feel they provide good information, I can not vouch for each site with an approval rating. Use your own discernment for each. If you have more to add to the topic, please add it in the comment section of that page or post.
And, please link to The Wayfarer Adoption Blog by putting my button on
your blog so others can use this resource too. Please link to this blog when ever you can and whenever you re-post things (or images) you have found here. Thanks!
The solid tabs are links to my other blogs for books and family. Check them out if you are interested.
Welcome to the journey!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

DENVER area Ethiopian food take out availabe at Queen of Sheba

Chaltu from Queen of Sheba Ethiopian restaurant in Denver, CO contacted me as to ways to serve the adoptive families in the area. They are providing a wonderful service right away, here is the note about it!

Also, one of the first solutions that I am able to begin providing right away for families are prepared Ethiopian dishes that are packaged to take home in larger quantities so that you can have Ethiopian food without having to dine in at a restaurant. Right now these dishes are provided in 32 oz. containers unless a larger quantity is requested. The dishes that are currently being offered are as follows:
  1. Doro Wott (Spicy or Mild) - Chicken drumsticks or breasts seasoned in a medium spicy or mild sauce. Served with hard boiled eggs.
  2. Keye Yesiga Wott - Tender beef served in a medium spicy sauce with special seasonings.
  3. Yesiga Alecha - Same as #2 but in a mild sauce with special seasonings.
  4. Yebeg Wott (Spicy or Mild)  - Lamb served with an herbal seasoning of sauce with spices.
  5. Yatakelt Wott - Simmered mix of cabbage, potatoes, & carrots with special seasonings.
  6. Gomen - Cut mixed greens cooked only with a special blend of spices.
  7. Misser - Split red lentil stew cooked cooked in a medium spicy sauce with special seasonings.
  8. Atar Wott - Yellow or green split peas cooked in a mild sauce.
  9. Timatim Fitfit - Fresh Tomatoes diced with onions, jalepeno pepper, and herbal seasonings mixed with injera bread. Served cold.
  10. Azifa - Whole lentil salad mixed with onions, jalepno pepper, and herbal seasonings. Served cold.
If you have questions please feel free to call me at the Queen of Sheba restaurant at 303-399-9442.
Chaltu Kelly

So, go order up some yummy food and take it home for your celebration, guests or family dinner. Yum!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Toddler/preschooler adoption boys and girls (and young boys specific challenges)

If you are interested in adopting older kids, that is older than infant, over 2 years of age..... well, you have likely learned that there are more boys than girls available for adoption in Ethiopia, in every age group, but the largest number are over the age of 3 or 4. When given the choice people often believe a girl will give them less grief and will bond faster. Is this true? Well, I don't really know, but I do know that adopting any child is a risk and you need to be educated before you dive right in, and certainly before your child comes home. I would like to share with you some of my thoughts on bringing boys into our home. If you have boys, well, you already know what to expect. I will say this one thing, any normal boy behavior that is exaggerated is a BIG HUGE sign of attachment and bonding issues as well as grief.  No, they are not just more active or wily or rowdy or whatever you call it, they are having issues with attachment. For those of you who have only girls right now and are considering adding a boy, this is a new ball game! WOW! I thought I was prepared. Wrong. For those of you  for whom this will be your first child. Well, a boy is a wonderful thing, you just have to harness all that wildness into tame and that is a lot of work. You will do just fine.

We adopted two preschool aged boys who were very close in age in 2008. Honestly, the whole process was very fast as they were waiting and older. 5 months sign with agency to home. We have two older daughters. At the time we adopted they were 9 and 10.

Some other posts that may be useful depending on where you are at:
Older child adoption post on blog
Artificial twinning post on  blog

From my reading and experience these are some things you should consider, in my opinion:

Time for toddlers/preschoolers:
*I would highly recommend getting Love and Logic or some sort of action/consequence logic based parenting book/program and knowing it well. Because you have no history with these children, and they are older, and established in behavior, you will need to rely heavily on a parenting technique you choose and be consistent with it. They are coming from chaos and will need a high level of order and consistency and nurture.
*Are you willing and able to stay home with them for the first year they are home? This is critical for attachment and bonding that they have you as their only care giver for this time.
*Example of what we are doing: 6 months home then 1/2 day preschool for 3 mornings a week (BIG HUGE Mistake!!) should have waited until a year home. After a year home  3 mornings of 1/2 day prek a week was ok with Serious mommy time on days home and afternoons home, when we missed this they acted up. We will do 1/2 day kinder. They will not have an entire day away from me until first grade. Due to insecure attachment our younger son will home school prek a second year before going to kinder to solidify the relationship while our oldest son is able to handle 1/2 day kinder all week in the fall.
*At four or five and certainly if older,  it is likely that they have experienced the typical Ethiopian spankings. More like child abuse in my opinion. My boys have unnatural fears and reactions to any form of physical punishment due to this. Even a thump on the hand brings an out of proportion fear and even shaking. Once we realized this we were able to alter things greatly. Time in and thinking times and re-do's have been great. They have fostered trust and responsibility. 
* Boys need a lot of attention, or, rather supervision!

Attachment and Grief toddler/older:
You do not know and may never know the background of these children. If they have had a secure and healthy attachment to their birth mother through age 3 then they will likely have a healthy and secure attachment to transfer to you. You will have to earn it. This takes longer than with younger children. Once it is transferred you will enjoy a great relationship. We have one of these, it took about 1 year and is solid. If your child has only an insecure attachment/unhealthy or none at all, you will be starting from ground zero with this child. Not only will you have to earn them transferring their trust to you but you will have to teach them what a secure and healthy attachment looks like. This involves taking the child back through infancy steps of feeding, dressing and bottle, eye contact, high and intense nurture and dependence. We have one of these too. It is hard work, it is not fun and it is exhausting and sometimes downright discouraging. But, if you devote your all to it  you will succeed. We have come so far at a year and a half and expect that by 3 years we will have that secure and healthy attachment we are working toward with our son. And, he is NOT by any means a terrible child, not RAD (reactive attachment disorder), but he does not know what a healthy attachment is nor how to make one and he, at 3, had his way of living and not trusting down pat. The mind needs time to re form those malformed circuits and lots of re training. It is hard, but worth it. I have a bunch of stuff on attachment on the blog if you want to start there it will give you links and articles to start with.
*Four year olds are perceptive and can remember things that gave them joy and things that hurt them deeply, but they can not articulate it nor can they deal with it. They do not know it has effected them and you have to tell them what they are feeling and why and how to manage those feelings.  Example: our boys have opposite ways of showing they are feeling insecure. With our younger son, he gets really friendly and silly, seeking attention from others, he is also manipulative to control others. We had an out of town visitor. The boys met him once before. The first day he was here the boys were unruly and disobedient and wild. Normal boy behavior on the excessive side. I took them to preschool and told the teacher today may be bad. I picked them up and our youngest had sat in the thinking chair nearly the entire morning. I altered our time together back to the intense and deliberate first year stuff and they are fine now. They needed reassurance that it was all ok. They were great at school the next day.
* We use attachment terms with out boys on their level. This is how we do it: Strong boys can give and receive love, they give and get hugs and say I love you and receive I love you. Strong boys look right in the eyes when talking with someone. Strong boys tell the truth. Strong boys use their words to help not hurt. Strong boys use their hands/feet to help and not hurt. Strong boys are strong enough to obey. Strong boys control themselves not others. Etc.............If they show weak boy behaviors then they get to go practice strong boy behaviors. It works like a charm. They want nothing more than to be strong.

Behavior and Boys:
Do your reading on normal boy behavior. Basically what you will see with older/preschool/toddler boys is that attachment issues show up in exaggerated normal boy behavior. This makes it tricky to detect issues. It is important to detect and deal with it so that you do not have latent RAD come up when they hit age 9 or 10. Boys are a very different beast than girls. So, you will need to educate yourself on boy development up to age 4 or the supposed age of your child and a bit beyond, and know what is normal and not, etc... Go to play places and watch boys the age of your child to be. Tell parents there that you are adopting a 2-3-4-5-6 year old boy and in general they will answer any questions you may have and for the most part they will not spare you the dirty details of parenting a boy. Very helpful. If you attend a church you could volunteer for that age in the child care department for a few weeks. If you have girls only, it would be a really good idea to expose them to as many ill behaved boys of that age as possible before their brother(s) arrive. It is usually a big shocker for girls who have beforehand  had no brothers. Boys are full of wild energy and it CAN be directed and tamed. We have a book we love on raising boys. It is from a Christian perspective and I don't know where you fall with that so if it is not your cup of tea, just ignore this part. :) The book is called Wild Things. It is really great.

Preschooler boys (and somewhat girls):
*Preschoolers are moving OUT of the dependency and cuddly phase. You will have to force (playfully and gently :) this phase on them again with you as they need it for attachment. Their resistance to this may stem from a physiological rather than psychological stand point. So, be prepared for this and have your plan.
*The bond with dad comes naturally and needs to be tempered until the bond with mom is secure. That is hard for dads. The boys resist mom because they were hurt by mom leaving or dying and the female caregivers at the orphanage may not have helped out with a generous dose of nurture, not too nurturing really, and they did not stick around either. Preschool age makes this harder as they are physiologically ready to identify with dad and are done with the cuddle mom phase. It has to be repeated and dad must wait. This is HARD and worth it. The bond with dad will not suffer at all by doing this, but the bond with mom and therefore the child's lifetime of bonding ability will suffer if it is not done. Some mom's have told me that their biological boys are so loving....... that is great, still waiting for mine. I think we missed that stage by adopting them older. But, the do love mom and I can see that in the fact that they are thoughtful and that is wonderful. They learn and that is gratifying. They help and that is rewarding. I love my boys and you will love yours too.

Age of child:
If the referral is stating that these kids are 4, they may well be 5 or 6. If you are expecting a 7 year old, he could be 9. A two year old could be four, etc. Be sure you are willing to deal with that. After they have been home about 4 months you should be able to assess their ages with a few tools including the Ages and Stages questionnaire your pediatrician will have or you can find it on line. It is unlikely that they would be younger. At referral ours were said to be 2. We determined that they were actually almost 4 and just 3 when we picked them up. That is not terribly off. They are 8 months apart in age. The referral birth estimates and the birth dates on the adoption birth certificates were not even close to the same and we have altered them again at our validation. Your home study needs to say you can take children up to the age they may be because the court may change their age from the referral dates.

Boy competition:
Boys are competitive by nature. Two children the same gender will be even more competitive. This has been a difficulty for us and we have had to firmly and artificially establish a hierarchy based on age and implement things to secure that. We are also holding back the younger one in school because it would be disastrous to have them in the same grade.  You will need to consider what you are willing to do to help them each find their own identity apart from each other.  They are not naturally brothers, and have not had the advantage of getting to know each other from the birth of the younger one. All this has to be learned and it is not easy, it is retraining the brain.  In general the first few months you will have to deal with the male posturing and competing for alpha. It is crazy that you would have to deal with this at this young age but you DO, it is ridiculously real. The competition does not end there though. There is the vying for attention, the bigger item, the more something, the parents attention, etc.  Ok, my girls did all this but NOTHING like the boys. Testosterone is like steroids for all this normal kid behavior.

I am sure lots of you out there have boys and could add tons to this. Please feel free to do so in the comments!!!! The more information the better. If you have girls that would be a really helpful addition as this has a lot about boys and there are plenty of families looking for info on what a toddler/preschool age girl might be like.

Other resources on toddlers and preschoolers:

adopting a toddler
Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft  book

adoption-attachment and infants (applicable to toddlers)
attachment check list by age

Monday, June 21, 2010

On line private parents discussion group

In the last few months I found this site. It is a private forum for parents to discuss any aspect of their Ethiopian Adoption. I have checked it out and it looks helpful. If you are wanting to be part of an on line group this one is worth looking into.

Sunday, June 13, 2010


Grief is a mysterious thing. It comes in so many different flavors. A blog I love to read, Family Rooted In Love........ Jillian describes what she has seen as grief on her blog. Go read it.
Another blog I enjoy, thanks to Jillian, is A Bushel and a Peck . There is an interesting discussion on grief there. You can check that out too. It is really helpful to see what other families are experiencing and what they do to help their child grieve well. I like this blog because it has discussions. Go see it.

Interested in more about Grief, what to look for and ideas of how to help your child. See my other post on grief resources.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Ethiopian Calendar

Here are some resources for the Ethiopian Calendar:

Remember that they are 7 years behind our calendar so this year in 2010 it is actually 2003 there. The months also do not correspond to our months, so check out some of these links to get an idea of how it all works. Many of these links also have other great information on Ethiopia.  months in relation to other calendars + other info an explanation of various calendars used in Ethiopia + other info great calendar understanding format calendar converter + other info  Holidays on the Ethiopian calendar  Specific date converter

Have fun!

Family Attachment Center of Colorado Springs

Just thought I would let you know about this resource -any COLORADO group can contract with him to do a workshop on this for parents as a series: 

The Family Attachment Center, Inc.
2913 Beacon Street
Colorado Springs, CO. 80907
Executive Director/ John Trentalange, MA, LPC, BCETS
(719) 632-3204

Enhancing The Parent-Child Relationship

Participants will acquire the skills to enhance healthy attachment

Participants will learn how to separate identity from behavior

Participants will learn how to teach their child positive connection leads to reward
While negative connection leads to consequences

Disengaging From Power Struggles

Participants will grasp the difference between conflict & Power Struggles
Participants will understand the motives behind engaging in power struggles
Participants will gain the necessary skills to disengage from power struggles

Natural & Logical Consequences

Participants will learn the motives behind behavior
Participants will acquire the skills to enhance positive behavior
Participants will acquire the skills to not personalize their children’s behavior

Date: Determined by the Individual
Cost: FREE!!!

John Trentalange is a Licensed Professional Counselor who has worked with a diverse population of children and families in a wide variety of settings over the past two decades.  John is very passionate about the parent-child relationship and he fully understands as well as teaches that it is the early years and the relationship that we form with our parents that places us on a road of success or on a road of self-destruction.

The Family Attachment Center always offers a free initial consultation with parents.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Therapist listings for Colorado and how to search in your area

I was recently asked to post on finding a therapist.
There are a bunch of on line searches you can do
and places to look for Attachment Therapists/Counselors.
Here are some listings for Colorado Therapy camps
and local Colorado Springs area therapists and some
ways to search in your area. Mostly a bunch of links.
Honestly, I don't know anyone who has used most of
these places, so check them out and get referrals. I am
not referring, just giving the resources. PLEASE
check them out for yourself first and if you know about
any of them, leave a comment and let me know too.
Especially if they are great or terrible ones on this
list or who you know of! Would definitely want to note
the great ones and delete the terrible ones. The ones
listed below are a mix of Spiritual-Christian-Secular
sort of options, not necessarily noted, so check them
out to see if it the type you are comfortable with.                                 _____________________________________________________________                                   
A local counselor who I have heard a great deal of positive 
things about, and I know two adoptive families who have 
used him and think he is super great, is Mark Beal, 
he can be contacted at:                          
Mark C. Beal, MSW, LSW
Social Worker, Parenting, Attachment,
EMDR, Trauma
We know people who have used Arnold Trillet as well
and like him a lot. Not adoptive  families however.
Colorado Springs, Colorado   719-260-8165                                              

Another counselor who has been recommended for
attachment as well as PTSD and play therapy is:                                                                                  
Gene Deloux
5875 Lehman Dr # 103a
Colorado Springs, CO 80918   
his office is on Lehman Rd just off Academy near Vickers __________________________________________________________

Sharon Blake L.P.C.                                                                                                                                      Pikes Peak Mental Health Center (EMDR and modified
attachment therapy)                            
179 Parkside Drive
Colorado Springs, CO 80910
Phone: (719) 572-6306
Fax: (719) 572-6399
Jessie Peters LSCSW 
4344 Woodlands Blvd #160
Castle Rock, CO. 80104
Phone: (720) 384-5523
Fax: (303) 688-1036
Cynthia Richman MA, LPC 
Families Ties Counseling
10 Boulder Cresent Street, Suite 102H
Colorado Springs, CO 80903
Phone: (719) 477-0550
Fax: (719) 471-7840
The above recommendations come from
Families By Design
this will linkyou to the find a counselor/therapist in your area.
This center also does camps for kids and families.


Evergreen Psychotherapy Center: Attachment
treatment and training institute

Attachment Treatment and Training Institute, PLLC
32065 Castle Court, Suite 325
Evergreen, CO 80439

Phone: (303) 674-4029

Toll Free: (866) 674-4029

Fax: (303) 674-4078


The Family Attachment Center (FACe) is a non-profit counceling                                                                  center. They serve families with children age 0-17 who are having 
trouble with family attachments/behaviors. They have a ton of great
looking stuff on their web site. Be sure to check this option out. 
John Trentalange, MA, LPC and he is the founder and                                                                      Executive Director of The Family Attachment Center.

Our Preschool had him come to do some parenting classes 
this year. While I was unable to attend they seemed like really                                                                       great topics.                                                         ______________________________________________________________
This site Family Helper has a bunch of ideas and tells about attachment
issues and gives lots of resources.
There is a section with resources for locating a therapist.

A Children's Counseling Center and A New Day Adult Center     
Austin Bluffs Parkway, Colorado Springs CO (719) 570-7188


a is a attachment therapist site and you can search
therapists in your state. Colorado is listed.

The following are suggested by :

Sharon Blake provides EMDR and modified attachment therapy.
She is associated with the Child and Family Services Network of
Pikes Peak Mental Health, which has several locations in
Colorado Springs and elsewhere in Colorado.

  • Pikes Peak Mental Health Center
  • 179 Parkside Drive
  • Colorado Springs, Colorado 80910
  • Phone: 719-572-6306
  • Fax: 719-572-6399 
Pikes Peak Mental Health

Walter Buenning is a licensed psychologist in Colorado who
has been working in the mental health field for many years,
the past several years focused on families with children who
suffer from reactive attachment disorder. His current practice
is located in Colorado Springs, and consists almost entirely
of attachment therapy or attachment issues. His preference
is to do therapy in the home.

  • Walter D. Buenning, PhD. & Associates
  • PO Box 60146
  • Colorado Springs, Colorado 80906-0146
  • Phone: 719-477-9033
  • Fax: 719-226-0746
  • Email:
Walter D. Buenning Ph.D. & Associates

Kathy Colman MSW, LCS   Associated with                                                                                           A Children's Counseling Center in Colorado Springs,                                                                   Colorado, Kathy Colman specializes in divorce, trauma,                                                                 attachment issues, depression, anxiety and others.

  • A Children's Counseling Center
  • 4251 Date Street
  • Colorado Springs, Colorado 80917
  • Phone: 719-228-9300
  • Phone: 719-570-7188

  • A Children's Counseling Center
Laura Fourzan is associated with  
A Children's Counseling Center in Colorado Springs,
Colorado, where she specializes in play therapy, parenting,
family issues, attachment, depression, anxiety, and women’s

  • A Children's Counseling Center
  • 4251 Date Street
  • Colorado Springs, Colorado 80917
  • Phone: 719-538-3264 (option 3)
  • Phone: 719-570-7188 
LindaS. Klein has been in private practice at  
A Children's Counseling Center in Colorado Springs,
Colorado since 1990. She specializes in play therapy,
family therapy, filial therapy, therapy with young children,
and attachment issues.

  • A Children's Counseling Center
  • 4251 Date Street
  • Colorado Springs, Colorado 80917
  • Phone: 719-538-3264 (option 1)
  • Phone: 719-570-7188
Steven Gray is the owner and clinical director of
Gray Neuropsychology Associates, a Christian clinic
with offices in Irving, Texas and Colorado Springs.

  • Gray Neuropsychology Associates
  • 6270 Lehman Drive, Suite 200C
  • Colorado Springs, Colorado 80918
  • Phone: 719-487-1760
  • Fax: 719-487-1755
  • Email:

Julie K. Lindeman LCSW

  • 6270 Lehman Drive, Suite 200D
  • Colorado Springs, Colorado 80918
  • Phone: 719-460-4226
  • Fax: 719-599-0824
  • Email:

Jessie Peters LSCSW

  • 4344 Woodlands Boulevard #160
  • Castle Rock, Colorado 80104
  • Phone: 720-384-5523
  • Fax: 303-688-1036

Cynthia Richman MA, LPC

  • Families Ties Counseling
  • 10 Boulder Cresent Street, Suite 102H
  • Colorado Springs, Colorado 80903
  • Phone: 719-477-0550
  • Fax: 719-471-7840

Trauma Headquarters  This could be the place to start with
getting help. Talk to others who have been there.

The Institute For Attachment & Child Development
 P.O. Box 730, Kittredge, CO
Voice (303) 674-1910
Fax (303) 670-3983
Assessment and Evaluation provides comprehensive 
and reliable diagnostic information regarding attachment 
issues,utilizing state-of-the-art methodologies and tools. 
The focus is on the child, caregivers, and the child-caregiver 
relationship.Findings are easily translated into treatment / 
intervention plans. 

Child/Family Treatment                                                             

The 5-Week Program: The child is placed in a therapeutic
foster home for a 30 day diagnostic/stabilization period to
include therapy, psychiatric evaluation and medication
management, neuro-feedback services and foster family
treatment. At the end of the 30 day period the family
spends a week with the child in attachment therapy 
and parent training.

They also offer a number of other options. Go check them out.
There is a search tool on Focus on the Family, to
find a counselor in your area. Her is the link for
that page. That would be an option
for those wanting a Christian therapist. .
Blair Skinner in Broomfield has come recommended by another adoptive family.
 Her website is
http://www.blairski index.html. <


BCG ,TB test and tuburculosis

I am getting my mind wrapped around this issue of tuburculosis. Here is what I know from on line discussions, etc. If anyone has anything to add to this PLEASE DO comment!
Most children are given what is called a BCG in Ethiopia, it is a shot which is an immunization for Tuberculosis. The shot leaves a circular scar on the upper arm of the child. This is a good way to tell if your child has had it since there are so few records.
If your child has had a BCG *which took* (was effective) he or she will test positive on a regular skin scratch TB test here in the states. A more specialized test is required to see if the child actually needs treated or not. You will have to push for this. Many child DO NOT need treated. They will just show up positive all the time and not have it. I understand that a chest X ray will help to confirm this. Being treated if you do not need to be treated is not going to harm the child, but extra medications are hard on the system and they likely have a rather fragile system as it is.
Some children actually DID have Tuberculosis and because of this will test positive even though they do not have it and treatment will not be helpful. Also in this case, a chest X ray will confirm.

Wikipedia on BCG
This is the page you need to print off and take to the Doctor with info on the BCG.

PDF version
excerpt from the above PDF document:
Testing for TB in BCG-Vaccinated Persons:
"The tuberculin skin test (TST) and blood tests to detect TB infection are not contraindicated for persons who have been vaccinated with BCG.
Tuberculin Skin Test (TST). BCG vaccination may cause a false-positive reaction to the TST, which may complicate decisions about prescribing treatment. The presence or size of a TST reaction in persons who have been vaccinated with BCG does not predict whether BCG will provide any protection against TB disease. Furthermore, the size of a TST reaction in a BCG-vaccinated person is not a factor in determining whether the reaction is caused by LTBI or the prior BCG vaccination. (See below for specific guidance on skin test results.)
TB Blood Tests. Blood tests to detect TB infection, unlike the TST, are not affected by prior BCG vaccination and are less likely to give a false-positive result."

Treatment for LTBI in BCG-Vaccinated Persons:
Treatment of LTBI substantially reduces the risk that TB infection will progress to disease. Careful assessment to rule out the possibility of TB disease is necessary before treatment for LTBI is started. Evaluation of TST reactions in persons vaccinated with BCG should be interpreted using the same criteria for those not BCG-vaccinated. Persons in the following high-risk groups should be given treatment for LTBI if their reaction to the TST is at least 5 mm of induration or they have a positive result using a TB blood test:
 HIV-infected persons
 Recent contacts to a TB case
 Recent arrivals (less than 5 years) from high-prevalence countries
 Injection drug users
 Residents and employees of high-risk congregate settings (e.g., correctional facilities, nursing homes, homeless shelters, hospitals, and other health care facilities)
 Children less than 4 years of age, or children and adolescents exposed to adults in high-risk categories

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Ethiopia Adoption forums you can join

 Support groups on line:

Colorado Springs:
Colorado (state)  
For other local areas search in Yahoo or Google or Ning or on line for other groups.

Yahoo groups:
Christian Families:
Secular group:
There are also groups for certain agencies as well as specific orphanages. I am not including those here. looking for or maintaining contact with birth families   support specifically for African American families  support specifically for African American families
After you are home group:
Deaf children:
Families who have adopted children from Ethiopia who have been abused or they suspect abuse.  Alos good for parents who are considering adopting or have adopted older (school aged- teen) kids. This will very likely be part of your journey.  attachment related discussion
Research tool: HIV AIDS Older kids, siblings and special needs
Jewish families:

Interesting Ethiopia focused Yahoo groups:
Amharic on line.
Ethiopian History

Other on line groups: anywhere:
Families anywhere ning group: real professional help groups

Well, That is enough for now. If you are interested you can always google more!

Attachment issues and Ethiopia

In response to the Russian issue:,0,4803691.story

I just want to add a few things from experience, research and experience of friends and family. Please understand that I am not meaning to be graphic here, but without understanding and education and tools for intervention any of us could become a statistic as well. I would not like to see that happen, so in the effort to keep it realistic and the hopes that all adoptive families THRIVE, here are my thoughts on the latest issues in international adoption and how they relate to Ethiopian adoption:
1. Yes, Eastern European children in institutions do tend to have more severe issues, including RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder).
2. Ethiopia is not immune from similar issues, including RAD. Children are well cared for BY ETHIOPIAN STANDARDS until they are about 3-5. After that.... well, things that we would consider unacceptable are the norm there.I am not going to go into detail here, ask your older kids. Mine were 3 when they came home and they can tell me.
3. sexual abuse is wide spread in Ethiopia for both boys and girls. Sexual activity with peers is common for children over the age of 10-12.
4. Sure children in Eastern Europe are not accustomed to being held. They have more sensory deprivation issues for sure. They are undernourished and often have illnesses and disabilities due to cultural practices and neglect. They also have institutional abuse and family of origin abuse in numerous ways. Children in Ethiopia have fewer sensory deprivation issues, they are used to a rich array of sensory stimulation including being held. They are NOT immune from the effects of institutionalization or from the abuse that can occur there at the hands of caregivers and older children. They can also come from abusive family backgrounds. It is a possibility we have to acknowledge.
5. I know A LOT of families with kids from Ethiopia. I have two! :) I have heard too many stories about abuse and neglect and the effects of malnutrition and under-nutrition. I see it in my own sons (adopted at 3). I know that the issues we face adopting from Ethiopia are different than those adopting from Eastern Europe and even China, etc. Each country has it's own set of social ills and standards. But, we are not without our potential problems. Things arise after time, things you never knew, things that are sad or horrific. Sometimes they don't remember them, but they act on them. Not that they are guaranteed-going to hurt anyone (sometimes it DOES happens) but they are hurting themselves inside. A hurt child does tends to hurt others.
6. You as a parent are doing the best job you can when you learn all you can and expect that you will have a child who has experienced some level of trauma and you learn how to walk with them through it to healing. If you learn about it, you can spot it, deal with it and help your child be an over-comer and not succumb to RAD or other attachment issues or behaviors. It does not have to ruin your life -or theirs, but it will change you forever. Knowing the truth and the possibilities of what your child may have encountered in their life before you will give you power to help them succeed. Don't be in the dark. Look through this blog. You can find lots of resources to start you on a journey of education that will help your child stop hurting inside.
7. If you are of a mind to read more articles regarding what your child *may* have experienced before their life with you. Try some of these:


Friday, June 4, 2010

Skin Care

Skin care for your kids. Here is a start anyway with what I have found. Please add your suggestions and experiences to the comments section!

Skin irritations:
Skin conditions  this one actually has photos. It is a dermatologist Dr. office site. 

Skin care:  This is an incredible list of resources. Some are not really all that pertinent, but so many are, especially as your daughter grows up.
Just Natural Organic care has skin and hair care products and TIPS

Skin care products:
I noticed that in the ethnic section at WalMart there are acne products for darker skin.
We use Palmer's products on the boys and love it. I am allergic to Shea Butter...... Cocoa Butter is also a wonderful product. I also use a leave in conditioner for curly hair on the hair, I like the sort that you spray on. Also the no more frizz leave in conditioners seem to do well for the boys, but sometimes there is too much residue. I don't tend to like petroleum or shea based products for hair because they attract dirt and well, boys already attract enough of that.
I bet you can find a selection in what ever store you frequent: WalMart, Target, Kmart, Kroger's, grocery store, etc....
Just Natural Organic care has skin and hair care products and TIPS


Hair. For those of us who lack the luxury of those beautiful ebony locks......... caring for our children's blessed hair is often a challenge. Fortunately there are tons of resources out there to help us out. Glad someone has been there, done that!
Here are some of the resources I have come across. Please feel free to add yours in the comments section.

This web site has a ton of great useful ideas and more resource links!
Road to Ethiopia books  & posts
Happy Girl Hair
Happy Boy Hair on Happy Girl Hair page..... :) several posts!
I know there are YouTube videos on hair care and braiding too.
Tips for hair care on beauty buzz 
Loving Black Hair      TONS of links here
Using the right products 
More tips
Just Natural organic care
If you cut your son's hair short-
Same page as above click the children tap and find info on ring worm of the scalp. I was surprised to find it here.

See Products posts too

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Park Play Date and new look

We had a great day today. I met up with some local moms at a park near us and the kids had a great time playing with each other and the moms had a great time chatting adoption and family talk. I met three new moms and got to chat with four moms I already knew. If you are in the Pikes Peak region of Colorado please consider joining the Pikes Peak Africa Adopt Connection group on Google. You will get all the invites for our playdates and adoption support group meetings. The more the better! Click on the link in the side bar for the Google Group.

Do you like the new look? I was tired of the dark background and felt it was not as readable and seemed cluttered to me. I hope this will work better and still be cute. Let me know what you think.

While you are at it, let me know if you find this blog to be helpful and if it WORKS. You know, can you can find stuff you are looking for using the "key word" pages at the top or the side bar labels, etc. Are the links, resources and posts helpful?

Wonder if your child has experienced any form of abuse?

When you adopt a child who is older or toddler age there is often a time when you wonder if your child has experienced any form of abuse. Sometimes it comes after you have had your child home for a number of years. Stop It Now is a great web site providing information on various forms of abuse, what is normal behavior and what is not normal. It also tells you what to do to help your child and family. We all want our kids to be healthy and when they start out life away from us, sometimes they need help to overcome even things they don't remember in order to be a healthy child and grow to be a healthy adult. The best time to start is now.
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The content on The Wayfarer:Ethiopian Adoption Resource Blog is for informational purposes only. We are adoptive parents, but we are not professionals. The opinions and suggestions expressed here are not intended to replace professional evaluation or therapy, or to supersede your agency. We assume no responsibility in the decisions that families make for their children and families. There are many links on this blog. We believe these other sites have valuable information, but we do not necessarily share all of the opinions or positions represented by each site, nor have we fully researched every aspect of each link. Please keep this in mind when visiting the links from this page.
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A Links Disclaimer

I post a lot of links. I do so because I feel that the particular page has good information and much to offer. I do not necessarily support all that each site has to say or promote. I trust you to sift the links for information you feel is worthwhile to you. Each person's story and situation are unique and different things will be useful or not useful to each one in different ways. Please use your own discretion when accessing links and information.