The Connected Child

This weekend we attended the Empowered to Connect conference in Denver. It was wonderful. We are big fans of the book, The Connected Child by Dr. Karen Purvis. 

We have found many of the ideas in here very useful for all of our kids. I am going to give some personal advice on here. I do not usually do that, I tend to favor giving you tons of information and letting you decide what to do with it. However, with this one..... I think every adoptive family needs this book. I feel that if you have kids in your home you should read this book and implement it with the kids you have before you add new children to the home. Then it is all in place for your kids who are on their way to your family, and you are all practiced up and your kids now won't be asking you why you are doing it different with  the new siblings. I do not think this is strictly a parenting technique for adopted kids but rather what all kids can benefit by. I love this book it is really great. It works for us and we have the diverse kids over here, ha, don't we all!

This book talks about the basic connection your child needs and why it is broken and how to fix it. It gives you ways to implement basic and really important things like: obey the first time, be respectful, no hurts, calm and gentle actions and voice, asking for what you need, etc.

Did you know that your child will mirror the type of attachment style you have? If you have a secure attachment style this will come easier for them, if you have an insecure attachment style then they too will exhibit this type of attachment. How do you know what your style is? Some self examination is in order to find out your attachment style. It is probable that in all your training you have actually had some sort of "ah-ha" moment regarding your own attachment style, grief process and well, all sorts of connections to your child hood events and why you do what you do now. If not, maybe it is time. Dr. Purvis encourages parents to seek out their own story and embrace it and grow from it. She said over and over if you as the parent have not done significant healing of your own you will not be able to lead your child to healing. Here at our house, we can attest to this as truth. Never fear, now is not too late. As you change and grow so will your child. Healing begets healing.

You can also access this information in video clips on Empowered To Connect.
You can buy the videos from TCU.

I strongly suggest that you make this the top priority in reading and implementing BEFORE you bring your child home. And, if you did not do it before, well get it now and start doing this. It is a wonderful tool.

FREE Download what to expect the first year home with your child

I wanted to share with you an AWESOME reference. This is one of the coolest things I have seen available FREE for adoptive parents. Having been that parent asking all the questions the first year home and doing all the research, I see this as one of the most valuable tools a parent could put in their toolbox. Go download this at EMK right away and use it, or give it to a family who is in their first year or still waiting for their anticipated child. This is a great resource. Realistic Expectations the First Year Home by EMK press.

From the topics included you can see that this is a well thought out and highly helpful 50 pages. This is only a few of the topics, go to the link to see all of them and download.


Strategies for Building Attachment 
by Karleen Gribble, BRurSc, PhD,

Top Ten Tips for Successful First Year Parenting
by Deborah Gray, MSW, MPA

Why Grandma Can’t Pick Up the Baby
by Sheena Macrae and Karleen Gribble

Alone No More...Recognizing Post Adoption Depression
by Heatherly Bucher

Adding The Oldest
by Terra Trevor

Unexpected Special Needs
by Nancy Hemenway

Positive Outcome:
How Can You Combat the Effects of an Orphanage
By Mary Beth Williams, PhD, LCSW, CTS

The Impact of Trauma on the Adopted Child and Ten Keys to Healing 
Trauma in the Adopted Child
by B. Bryan Post

How to Find a Therapist Experienced in Attachment and/or Trauma
by the Attachment Disorder Network

Sensory Integration And the Internationally Adopted Child
By Barbara Elleman, MHS, OTR/L, BCP

Help Your Child Ward Off a Mad Attack
by Lynne Namke, EdD


Strategies to Deal with Anger and Power Struggles
by Christopher J. Alexander, PhD

Attachment and woundedness

Here is another good post from a fellow adoptive mom, Mom's Like Me.  Go check out her post. On her blog she tells about how an emotional wound is like a physical wound, it limits the child in similar fashion. One you can see and are reminded to be patient and kind and help the child heal, the other is hidden. You have to remind yourself that it is there to help the child heal. I add to this, the idea that sometimes when things are going well, we forget our child's woundedness. That feels great for the moment, but a moment later, all can break loose and we find ourselves dealing with the aftermath of "forgetting" for a moment.  But, in truth, it does ebb and flow. In time that wound heals and fades. It comes up at unexpected times, just like grief. But, it does fade and it does heal.......... how much, no one can really say. This holds true for kids with emotional wounds and for kids with internal differences, like Autism Spectrum Disorders, Bi-Polar, Sensory Processing Disorders, ADHD/ADD, etc.

Sensory Processing Disorder

Sensory Processing Disorder is the new term for the same condition that used to be called Sensory Integration Disorder. SPD is the more common term today.

This is a disorder being diagnosed more often in today's medically aware climate. It is not that it did not previously exist in the same levels as it does today, we are just a more medically savvy culture and diagnoses are more likely with knowledge. That is a good thing. For one, it helps us all succeed and it also lessens the narrowness of normal. No, indeed, normal is becoming broader and broader as we grow in knowledge. I sure do appreciate that!

My biologcial kids have SPD in varying forms. You would never guess. Success is sweet if you take the time to do the work. But, the reason for this post is that many many adopted kids deal with forms of SPD. Some come to it genetically, some by environment. An orphange is really no place for a child. No matter how great the facility or love for the kids, there just are not enough hands or anything to go around. Kids are effected by this at a time when their neuro sensory systems are developing. If you understand it you can help  your child overcome it.
Here are some great resources regarding Sensory Processing Disorder:
Books:
Books

The Out-Of-Sync Child : Recognizing and Coping With Sensory Integration Dysfunction by Carol Stock Kranowitz. ISBN: 0399523863. The first section of the book is on recognizing SI dysfunction and includes a long checklist of characteristics of it. The second part is on coping with it. There are entire chapters in each on the vestibular sense.

Making Sense of Sensory Integration (Audio Cassette & Booklet) by Jane Koomar, Stacy Szklut, Sharon Cermak, David Silver. ISBN:1893601269. Three articulate and reassuring occupational therapists answer the most frequently asked questions about SI - a subtle, hidden neurological problem that can have a huge impact when it prevents a child from enjoying just being a kid.
Relationship of Learning Problems and Classroom Performance to Sensory Integration by Marie Di Matties, Quirk. ISBN: 9991105417. The book presents each sensory sytem by defining it and describing behaviors associated with hyperactive and hypoactive responses of that system. It contains short chapters structured to reflect a hierarchical relationship between sensory registration, sensory processing, "higher level" sensory integrative skills, and ultimately, abstract thinking and academic skills.
Teachers Ask About Sensory Integration by Carol Kranowtiz, Stacy Szklut, Stacey Szklut, Carol Stock Kranowitz, Carol Kranowitz Stacey Szklut. ISBN: 1893601293. A companion product to "Making Sense of Sensory Integration". Carol Stock Kranowitz interviews expert occupational therapist Stacey Szklut about how to teach children with sensory integration problems. This full-length audio tape includes narration by public health physician Dr. David Silver. A 60-page companion booklet includes classroom checklists, idea sheets, sensory profiles, and extensive resources customized for the classroom teacher.

The Goodenoughs Get in Sync: A Story for Kids about the Tough Day When Filibuster Grabbed Darwin's Rabbit's Foot and the Whole Family Ended Up in the Doghouse--An ... Introduction to Sensory Processing Disorder (Hardcover)

~ Carol Stock Kranowitz

Carol Stock Kranowitz (Author)

› Visit Amazon's Carol Stock Kranowitz Page

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Web sites:
SPD and adopted kids and more
The development of neuro sensory system
check list for SPD  another list and a check list for adults and adolecents
what is SPD and more about it
What you should know
Signs and symptoms of SPD more signs and symptoms of SPD
SPD in the classroom and schools
How to help my child with SPD, on the above sites and these also:
learning, etc.
good activites

Where to buy sensory products like weighted blankets, vests, toys and comfort items.

• http://www.achievement-products.com/Product/ProductList.aspx?category=115&src=categorynavigation1
• http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=sensory+integration+products&tag=googhydr-20&index=aps&hvadid=8116263819&hvpos=1t3&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=19818287681005053889&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&ref=pd_sl_4huuvd5e4r_b
• http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-integration-products.html
• http://www.sensoryinterventions.com/

Book lists

This is a list of book lists (the * means that it is a particularly Christian book)

Please see the tab at the top of this blog called Books and Resources for a fuller list of Adoption and Ethiopia related books.

Parenting in general:
Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp*
How to really love your child Ross Campbell*
every single book by Cynthia Tobias such as You Can't Make me, but I might be persuaded*
Families where grace is in place by Jeff VanVonderen*
Heirs of the covenant by Susan Hunt*
Raising Maidens of Virtue by Stacy McDonald*

Adoption and race for parents:
The Connected Child by Karen Purvis YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK!
Toddler adoption the weaver's craft by Hopkins-Best
Taming the tiger while it is still a kitten by Nancy Thomas (the book is not particularly focused on Christians but I hear she is a Christian) I found this book to be a complimentary (the Deborah Gray's book) list of attachment signs to look for and practical ideas for attachment. It is more of a booklet. I do not know anything about her particular theory's as this book does not address that.
Attaching in adoption by Deborah Grey
I'm chocolate you're vanilla by Marguerite A. Wright
Before You were mine (on making a Christian life book)*
Twenty Things Adopted Kids wish their parents knew by Sherrie Eldridge

Adoption for kids:
Emma's Yucky Brother by Jean Little (not a yucky book but a yucky title that I don't favor. For siblings already in the home and pertaining to older child adoption).
Rosie's Family Lori Rosove
I love you like Crazy Cakes by Lewis
Horace by Holly Keller
Who are my real parents by D. L. Fuller
Welcome Home forever child by Christine Mitchell (older child adoption)
Little Miss Spider by David Kirk

Kids Books that talk about race or feature African American persons (because this is important in our family and they are just good books):
Colors come from God Just like me by Carolyn Forche*
Brown Like Me by Noelle Lamperti
Little Bill books by Bill Cosby
He's Got the Whole World in his hands by Kadir Nelson*
Jump at the Sun Bible classics they also make fairy tale classics*
I, Matthew Henson by Weatherford
By my brother's side by Tiki and Ronde Barber
You Can Do it! by Tony Dungy
Many books by Patricia Polacco
Any book adapted and/or illustrated by Rachel Isadora

Ethiopia:
There is no me without you by Melissa Fay Green
The sign and the seal by Graham Hancock

Ethiopia for kids:
Pulling the Lion's whiskers and other Ethiopian tales by Ashabranner and Davis
The storytellers beads by Jane Kurtz
Jane Kurtz books for kids -all of them
The Perfect Orange by Frank Araujo
Fire on the Mountain by Jane Kurtz

Aspergers:
Asperger's and Girls featuring Tony Attwood and Temple Grandin
Girls Under the Umbrella of Autism Spectrum Disorders By Lori Ernsperger and Danielle Wendel
Parenting Your Asperger Child by Alan Sohn and Cathy Grayson
Oasis guide to Asperger Syndrome by Bashe and Kirby

Aspergers for kids:
All Cat's Have Aspergers by Kathy Hoopmann (kids book)
I am Utterly Unique by Larson (kids book)
Brotherly Feelings by Sam Frender and Robin Schiffmiller (for siblings-kids book)
The Goodenoughs get in sync by Kranowitz (for kids)

Grief (for kids mainly):
Tear Soup by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DKlyen (this book is appropriate for ANYONE)
I'll Always love you by Hans Wilhelm


I love you books: Runaway bunny by Margaret Wise Brown
I love you through and through by Rossetti-Shustak
I love you because you're you by Liza Baker
The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn
No Matter What by Debi Gliori
Mama do you love me by Barbara M. Joosse
Don't forget that I love you by Anna Currey
Guess How much I love you by Sam McBratney

If you are interested in other book lists and reviews please see my book blog. http://wayfarerbooks.blogspot.com/

Also for updated book list go to the top tab section and click on books and resources.