How to Use This Blog

A Wayfarer is a person who is traveling, a particular place, a circumstance, a stage of life, etc. Let's walk the road of adoption together. The journey is so much better with company!
Much of this information is useful for any adoption, but this blog is designed to be a
I hope this blog will be helpful to you in your adoption whether you are considering, waiting or home. I started this blog when we were adopting and found there was next to nothing on the web in any orderly manner. I set about to collect information for myself and then for others. Now, there are more sites for resources, but still not much that brings it all together. I hope this blog will serve as a sort of clearing house for Ethiopian Adoption Information. Please feel free to contribute your knowledge through commenting.
You can search by topic in three ways. 1. Go to the "key word" tabs on top and open pages of links in those topics. 2. Use the "labels list" in the side bar or 3. use the "search bar" above the labels list. You can also browse the blog by month and year in the Posts section or in any of the above as well. The sidebar links are to sites outside of this blog. While I feel they provide good information, I can not vouch for each site with an approval rating. Use your own discernment for each. If you have more to add to the topic, please add it in the comment section of that page or post.
And, please link to The Wayfarer Adoption Blog by putting my button on
your blog so others can use this resource too. Please link to this blog when ever you can and whenever you re-post things (or images) you have found here. Thanks!
The solid tabs are links to my other blogs for books and family. Check them out if you are interested.
Welcome to the journey!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

CCOPARC Conference Deadline February 15, 2012!

This looks like a good conference. This year it is on strengthening family attachments and relationships.
Check it out fast, the deadline is fast approaching! Feb 15!


 COPARC’s Annual Spotlight Conference
April 28, 2012 - Thornton, Colorado


Professionals and parents, we welcome your proposal submission!

Proposals for a 90 minute workshop should focus on the theme of relationships and improving family attachments and support systems for families who have adopted through the child welfare system. Exhibit table space is also available to provide information and resources to families.

For more information please contact Lucretia Miller at
Click here for more information on call for papers and exhibit table registration.

Call For Papers update

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Friday, January 27, 2012


What is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Adopted kids have all experienced trauma of one sort or another. The possibilities are many. Death of parent, siblings; moving caregivers due to death or parent's inability to care for the child; abandonment/relinquishment; abduction; orphanage life (the possibililities here are endless); neglect; abuse (of many kinds); adoption (loosing ALL and having to adjust to new everything, most often alone and in another language without the cognitive ability to understand it); illness and surgery; malnutrition/starvation. These things and countless more are traumatic events for our kids. Trauma has an impact. It is real and it is serious. Give it the attention it needs to help your child.

Of course not all trauma leads to PTSD. Sometimes it does. How do you know?
There are a bunch of great resources out there. I have many listed here on this blog.
A good place to start is a basic check list.

Then learn about what it is and how it effects your child and their development.
Here are some more good resources for that:


This site is a wealth of information and these Articles are well worth the read. Please take some time to look over this site and read these articles. They will help you think about this topic.

Beyond Consequences

Have you heard of Beyond Consequences? Well here is your opportunity to learn more. Attend one of the Beyond Consequences seminars and start new parenting this year. It could be a turning point for you and your kids. 

Here is what you will gain from this event:
  • Learn how to connect with even the most difficult and resistant child.

  • Defeat negative and contradictory beliefs about your child’s future.

  • Understand fears about implementing a parenting model that is void of parental consequences.

  • See the fear behind statements like, “You can’t make me” or “You’re not my real mom.”

  • Learn how to help a child at his core emotional level during times of defiance, aggression, and disrespect.

  • See why children and trauma histories are sensitive to stress. Reclaim your own self-love and understand your reactivity that can be beyond your own understanding.

  • Find hope.
For more information on Beyond Consequences and to find a seminar near you go to:

Pray For the Horn

One Million People
to Pray for 100 Million People

Sudan Independence

God is uniting a worldwide network of 1 million believers who will pray and fast for the advancement of His Kingdom among the peoples of the Horn of Africa during the month of April 2012.
The peoples of Ethiopia, Eritrea, Djibouti, NE Kenya and Somalia number over 100 million souls. Somalia currently has little or no Christian witness among its people. In Eritrea, believers are cruelly persecuted in an effort to stamp out any vital expression of faith. Numerous people groups with no access to the gospel in their heart language live in Ethiopia and Northern Kenya. Islam remains the stronghold for the peoples of Djibouti.
Don't let this moment in history, a moment of unprecedented change across North Africa and the Middle East, be forfeited to the ploys and desires of the evil one. Instead, seize this moment and join together with the Worldwide Christian Community to boldly ask that His name and His fame would be proclaimed among the nations in such a time as this.
This is a global invitation. Local believers in Ethiopia, believers in China, Europe, the Americas and everywhere in between, will join together April 2012 to embrace this kairos moment to ask the Father of all creation to show His glory among millions of people still living in darkness in the Horn of Africa.
Learn more: Pray for the Horn

Thursday, January 26, 2012

His little Feet children's choir

His Little Feet's Children's Choir travels the United States, being the voice for orphaned and vulneralbe children worldwide. The purpose of the tour is to bring the awareness of the millions of children around the world in need of care, as well as facilitate opportunities for Americans to respond to the needs of children through giving, sponsoring, going and adopting.

One of the choirs touring is a group of Ethiopian children. 

To find out when they will be in your area go to their web site, listed above and check out their tour.

teach your kids how to be "safe kids"

I want to make known a great resource for parents and kids and teachers. Parenting Safe Kids . com is a great resources site. We all want to keep our kids safe. Some of our kids have experienced prior abuse, which statistically sets them up for further abuse. This is not ok with us as parents.  I want to encourage you to take a look at this site and see what great resources there are for talking to your kids about abuse and abuse prevention. The site also provides resources and training to:

  • build self-esteem
  • teach communication skills
  • teach respectful discipline for parents
  • teach socialization skills to children with and without disabilities
  • teach, sexual abuse prevention skills to children and teens with and without disabilities, their parents and teachers.
  • train adults to talk to the children in their lives about preventing abuse in an age and developmentally-appropriate way

Sunday, January 22, 2012

therapist in Colorado Springs

I have recently found out about a therapist in the Colorado Springs area who works with adoptive families. I have not used this therapist but have great reports about the counselor from an adoptive family who is really getting a lot of help here and speaks very highly of this therapist and practice. 

Gene DeLoux MA LPC

5875 Lehman Drive, Sui9te 103

Individual, marriage, family, child
Depression, anxiety, trauma, grief
EMDR, adoptive issues, parenting

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Subconscious Memory and annual acting out

If you watch your child closely regarding the cycle of the year, you will likely notice that your child has certain mood swings that are associated with certain months, maybe a particular week or set of days or even a certain day. Whether you mention it or not your child has a subconscious memory of some very significant things. Abandonment, arrival at the orphanage, they day you came to get them. These are all traumatic experiences. There may be other events which trigger reactions that come out of "nowhere".  No, your child is most likely not going to remember, be able to identify what has triggered this behavior, or know anything about what happened. It is long gone from his or her conscious memory. It does not really matter what age your child was adopted at. Infant, toddler, preschooler, older child (who will likely remember but still not know why the behavior), all kids have had at least these three traumas, and it will come up in some way at some time. Some kids are more easily upset or act out regularly at these times. Some kids only have these issues when something else triggers at the same time of year. Say your child came home in August. School starts in August. So, that is hard on two fronts, but you can easily attribute certain behaviors to the change they made when they joined your family. It is exacerbated by school starting. The month your child was abandoned may have no other major change in it or regular stressor. It could go by with minor behaviors. But, one year Mom and Dad go on a weekend trip together that same month, and you have done it before but a different month, your child freaks out more than you expected. Abandonment triggered. Not that you are doing anything wrong or unusual, just a trigger, and yet, not JUST.

So, what are you looking for? Well that is as unique as your child. It could be that your child is more needy, attention grabbing, snugly, rejecting of you or others. You could notice an increase of nervous activity, fear, bed-wetting, bad dreams, acting out at school, bossy or controlling behavior, or melt downs and tantrums.

What to do? Extra attention and reassurance is the best place to start. However, before we realize what it is, we are most likely to come down on them for this "sudden" bad or annoying behavior. Just the opposite of what they need. In some cases it works to actually sit down, have a little chat about your child's early life. Read his or her life book together, talk about feelings. Use a feelings picture page to allow him or her to share feelings. Other times they just need extra reassurance that you are there for them, never leaving, safe, secure, etc.

This time of year is probably something you should discreetly mark in your calendar or alerts, just to give yourself the clue to be a bit more gentle than usual. Remember that the seemingly sudden disruption from your child actually means something and they need something from you. As they grow older, they need to know what it is, where it comes from and what to do about it.

What is it? Sometimes called a body memory, sometimes called simply subconscious memory of a traumatic event.

Where does it come from? Those feelings of being left, ...........of being overwhelmed with all the kids, will my needs be met? I must care for myself and trust no one, etc..... Who are these people, can I trust them? Here we go with another change, will I be ok? Do i have to take care of myself here too? Can I feel is it ok? Fear, uncertainty, rejection, etc.

What to do about it? Tell yourself the truth. That was hard, it was sad, it made me feel............. This happened to me, it was real, it was not ideal..................... When my parents came I was afraid, I had all these feelings. That is ok, it is normal. My parents love me. I did not have to take care of myself anymore. I am safe.  I have a family who loves me and cares about me and what I do and think and feel. It turned out good. In the article linked to in Subconscious memory it tells about the benefit of telling the story and putting it into conscious memory so that it can be reformatted and dealt with. The theory is that it can then be put into perspective and the person can deal with it in a healthy way.

Recognizing this as real validates the experience of the child and helps them to grow beyond it and from it and become a person who can function in the today.

Facial expressions charts:

feelings chart
feeling chart and wheel
the two above are very useful for checking in to see how your child is at more volatile times.

A disclaimer.
I post a lot of links. I do so because I feel that the particular page has good information and much to offer. I do not necessarily support all that each site has to say. I trust you to sift the links for information you feel is worthwhile to you.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Trauma workshop in Colorado Springs. Looks very helpful.

Early Registration Open Now! 

CPCAN is excited to announce our 2012 Event
Child Abuse Prevention Awareness Month  
Featuring Dr. Bruce Perry


Thursday April 19, 2012
8:30am - 4:15pm
Colorado Springs, Colorado
(Specific location TBA) 
Early Registration $40 
if payment received by March 9
(Regular $50)

The Impact of Trauma on Child Development 

Dr.  Bruce D. Perry is the Senior Fellow of The ChildTrauma Academy, a not-for-profit organization based in Houston ( and adjunct Professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Northwestern University School of Medicine in Chicago. 

Dr. Perry is the author of over 300 journal articles, book chapters and scientific proceedings and is the recipient of numerous professional awards and honors, including the T. Berry Brazelton Infant Mental Health Advocacy Award, the Award for Leadership in Public Child Welfare and the Alberta Centennial Medal. He has presented about child maltreatment, children's mental health, neurodevelopment and youth violence in a variety of venues including policy-making bodies such as the White House Summit on Violence, the California Assembly and U.S. House Committee on Education.

Dr. Perry will be preceded by Karen Logan, Child Welfare Manager from the El Paso County Department of Human Services, who will present information about current child maltreatment issues.


Two Step Registration Process 
~#1 Pay then #2 Register~

Step 1.  Pay using PayPal "Buy Now" button below. (You do not need to have a PayPal account.) $40 Early, $50 after March 9 

Step 2.  When PayPal payment is complete click on "Return to CPCAN" and you will be directed you to the Registration Form.  Once you complete and submit this form you will be registered.

*Please note that refunds will not be given after March 9 and will be subject to $5 

processing fee.

This looks like a great seminar. Useful for anyone adopting......... and anyone who deals with people in general.  It does not matter the age of the child you are adopting. You need to know about trauma!
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The content on The Wayfarer:Ethiopian Adoption Resource Blog is for informational purposes only. We are adoptive parents, but we are not professionals. The opinions and suggestions expressed here are not intended to replace professional evaluation or therapy, or to supersede your agency. We assume no responsibility in the decisions that families make for their children and families. There are many links on this blog. We believe these other sites have valuable information, but we do not necessarily share all of the opinions or positions represented by each site, nor have we fully researched every aspect of each link. Please keep this in mind when visiting the links from this page.
Thank You.

A Links Disclaimer

I post a lot of links. I do so because I feel that the particular page has good information and much to offer. I do not necessarily support all that each site has to say or promote. I trust you to sift the links for information you feel is worthwhile to you. Each person's story and situation are unique and different things will be useful or not useful to each one in different ways. Please use your own discretion when accessing links and information.