A family from our same agency made a video for their church about adoption featuring Sele Enat. Anne asked for photos from many of us and she used a lot of ours. Here is the video if you want to see it. I am again reminded of HOW truly small our boys were just one year ago.
WOW!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Choosing an Agency, be careful
This post is a follow up on choosing an agency.
I am not going to tell you that these agencies here are all bad. Other families had good experiences with them. But, I am going to say, get your facts. Search the internet for reports from families who have used the agencies you are thinking about using. Search the UNICEF site, news casts, etc.... Be a critical consumer.
This is a link to an ABC news story about an agency with Christian in their name. An agency we thought about but felt uneasy with. We know numerous people who have happily used them. But the allegations here are that they have been "harvesting" children. This is a serious crime. When we were there there was a family with this agency at our guest house. They got a bogus story on their child's history and name meaning. Later I found out that the name meaning is really different. In fact, indicates a wanted child rather than one who is not as they were led to believe. This agency did not help them when they had embassy issues and the poor dad was really stuck. He made it home with his son, no thanks to the agency.
Another agency who's name includes "God" has been exposed in deceptively and deliberately placing a handicapped child into a home which had not been approved for a child with special needs. The child will be in a non communicative and vegetative state all his life. The family was not even approved for special needs. No compensation has yet been made. We looked at this agency and decided not to use them because we found four families who this had happen to them in 2007 and 2008. There were others who felt the director was manipulative and unprofessional, they felt coerced. Again, there are many happy families out there who have used this agency. Obviously it is a small percentage of the families and children who are effected.
Under labels: adoption resources (to the right), i have a list of questions you can use to make your own list and links to sites to find out about agencies. It is well worth your time to check out the agencies. Don't just take their list of references, do your own research. Try to find unhappy families and decide on your own if this is right for you. Ok, some families made their own mistakes and blame the agency.... others just get mad about things that are not really worth being upset about. Others are upset because of things they can not control, like Ethiopian standards and time. Court dates not passing for legit. reasons, etc...... But, deception, child "harvesting", etc.... those things are just not acceptable.
Again, I KNOW there are a lot of families happy with these agencies. And, I also know that doing your homework is no real guarantee of avoiding similar situations. Things change in every agency and corrupt people seem to pop up when least expected. I felt this post was justified as the program has grown so much and there are so many people looking for answers.
This is a good list as a checklist for looking at agencies. This is a GREAT way to choose and filter your options. Click Here for the link.
I am not going to tell you that these agencies here are all bad. Other families had good experiences with them. But, I am going to say, get your facts. Search the internet for reports from families who have used the agencies you are thinking about using. Search the UNICEF site, news casts, etc.... Be a critical consumer.
This is a link to an ABC news story about an agency with Christian in their name. An agency we thought about but felt uneasy with. We know numerous people who have happily used them. But the allegations here are that they have been "harvesting" children. This is a serious crime. When we were there there was a family with this agency at our guest house. They got a bogus story on their child's history and name meaning. Later I found out that the name meaning is really different. In fact, indicates a wanted child rather than one who is not as they were led to believe. This agency did not help them when they had embassy issues and the poor dad was really stuck. He made it home with his son, no thanks to the agency.
Another agency who's name includes "God" has been exposed in deceptively and deliberately placing a handicapped child into a home which had not been approved for a child with special needs. The child will be in a non communicative and vegetative state all his life. The family was not even approved for special needs. No compensation has yet been made. We looked at this agency and decided not to use them because we found four families who this had happen to them in 2007 and 2008. There were others who felt the director was manipulative and unprofessional, they felt coerced. Again, there are many happy families out there who have used this agency. Obviously it is a small percentage of the families and children who are effected.
Under labels: adoption resources (to the right), i have a list of questions you can use to make your own list and links to sites to find out about agencies. It is well worth your time to check out the agencies. Don't just take their list of references, do your own research. Try to find unhappy families and decide on your own if this is right for you. Ok, some families made their own mistakes and blame the agency.... others just get mad about things that are not really worth being upset about. Others are upset because of things they can not control, like Ethiopian standards and time. Court dates not passing for legit. reasons, etc...... But, deception, child "harvesting", etc.... those things are just not acceptable.
Again, I KNOW there are a lot of families happy with these agencies. And, I also know that doing your homework is no real guarantee of avoiding similar situations. Things change in every agency and corrupt people seem to pop up when least expected. I felt this post was justified as the program has grown so much and there are so many people looking for answers.
This is a good list as a checklist for looking at agencies. This is a GREAT way to choose and filter your options. Click Here for the link.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
where people get kids...and all about babies
Ok, the boys and I have had a few amusing conversations which I will relay to you so you can laugh like I did telling Dave about them.
We had met someone at a store who did not have any children. Of course if the boys get a chance to talk they ask if the person has kids and so found out that she did not.
Later:
K said to me, "Why she not have any kids?"
I said, well, some people just don't, that is not really anything we need to worry about.
N says, "She can go to Etopia and buy some!"
Me, "oh no, it is wrong to buy people. You buy things, but you should not buy people."
N "Well, you go to Etopia and pay money for us."
Me, "Oh no we did not! Adoption is very different. It is not ok to pay money for people. We did not buy you. We adopted you. In an adoption you pay money for a job done, like paperwork or visa or help with language, but not ever for children."
Another conversation:
The boys are questioning a visiting friend:
K "do you have kids?"
M " no, no I don't have any kids."
K "No, i mean do you have any boys like us?"
M "no, i don't have any little boys."
N "well, you can just go to Etopia and get some! Then you will have some."
Another conversation before bed:
K "mommy, do all boys come from Etopia?"
me " no some come from other places in the world and some come from the mommy they live with."
K "oh, did we come from you?"
me "No you grew in your Ethiopian mother and then she took care of you until she could not any more and she choose to help you find a new family to take care of you for the rest of your life. That is us. We adopted you. We love you so much!"
k "oh, what about Phoebe, Oliva, did they come from you?"
me "yes they did."
N "all girls come from mommy, all boys come from Etopia!"
No not really.....
this was a bit much to explain..... however, the next day N stated that he was going to grow up to be a mommy and his babies were going to come out of his tummy. Um, no...
me "you can be a daddy Nate, but only girls can be mommys."
N, "how do i get kids then?"
K "you get them from Etopia" (like, duh of course!)
Me, "well, you will need to find a lady who loves you and loves God and then you get married and she is your wife and then you can chose how you get your babies."
After that, N states in many situations and to many persons and when playing that he wants to grow up to have a wife!
K insists that we get a baby "because I loves them sooooo much. Why don't we have a baby? We can go to Etopia and get one. I will share my bed and my toys with her." (interesting that it is a her.) This kid loves babies! He ooggles at them, and tries to feed them and picks up things for them and says OH a cute baby! How cute, and things like that. He is defiantly a baby person. Hope he stays that way for a lucky future wife!
We saw cows yesterday. One nursing. They wanted to know all about that.
Did mommy feed them like that?
no, your Ethiopian mother fed you when you were a baby. It was good that she could take care of you when you were so small.
What about Phoebe, Oliva? (the ever present question).
me-yes, i fed them like that.
So, N lifts up his shirt and demonstrates how you turn it on and off like a machine. Such a boy.
No, not quite like that.........more like how the cows were drinking.
what about daddys, can daddys do that too for babies?
no, only mommy's can feed the baby like that.
K lifts up his shirt, "then why do i have them if they don't DO anything!?" The engineer.
Ummm.....(I don't know that!) that's just how God made people.
OK, hope you laughed as much as we did.
We had met someone at a store who did not have any children. Of course if the boys get a chance to talk they ask if the person has kids and so found out that she did not.
Later:
K said to me, "Why she not have any kids?"
I said, well, some people just don't, that is not really anything we need to worry about.
N says, "She can go to Etopia and buy some!"
Me, "oh no, it is wrong to buy people. You buy things, but you should not buy people."
N "Well, you go to Etopia and pay money for us."
Me, "Oh no we did not! Adoption is very different. It is not ok to pay money for people. We did not buy you. We adopted you. In an adoption you pay money for a job done, like paperwork or visa or help with language, but not ever for children."
Another conversation:
The boys are questioning a visiting friend:
K "do you have kids?"
M " no, no I don't have any kids."
K "No, i mean do you have any boys like us?"
M "no, i don't have any little boys."
N "well, you can just go to Etopia and get some! Then you will have some."
Another conversation before bed:
K "mommy, do all boys come from Etopia?"
me " no some come from other places in the world and some come from the mommy they live with."
K "oh, did we come from you?"
me "No you grew in your Ethiopian mother and then she took care of you until she could not any more and she choose to help you find a new family to take care of you for the rest of your life. That is us. We adopted you. We love you so much!"
k "oh, what about Phoebe, Oliva, did they come from you?"
me "yes they did."
N "all girls come from mommy, all boys come from Etopia!"
No not really.....
this was a bit much to explain..... however, the next day N stated that he was going to grow up to be a mommy and his babies were going to come out of his tummy. Um, no...
me "you can be a daddy Nate, but only girls can be mommys."
N, "how do i get kids then?"
K "you get them from Etopia" (like, duh of course!)
Me, "well, you will need to find a lady who loves you and loves God and then you get married and she is your wife and then you can chose how you get your babies."
After that, N states in many situations and to many persons and when playing that he wants to grow up to have a wife!
K insists that we get a baby "because I loves them sooooo much. Why don't we have a baby? We can go to Etopia and get one. I will share my bed and my toys with her." (interesting that it is a her.) This kid loves babies! He ooggles at them, and tries to feed them and picks up things for them and says OH a cute baby! How cute, and things like that. He is defiantly a baby person. Hope he stays that way for a lucky future wife!
We saw cows yesterday. One nursing. They wanted to know all about that.
Did mommy feed them like that?
no, your Ethiopian mother fed you when you were a baby. It was good that she could take care of you when you were so small.
What about Phoebe, Oliva? (the ever present question).
me-yes, i fed them like that.
So, N lifts up his shirt and demonstrates how you turn it on and off like a machine. Such a boy.
No, not quite like that.........more like how the cows were drinking.
what about daddys, can daddys do that too for babies?
no, only mommy's can feed the baby like that.
K lifts up his shirt, "then why do i have them if they don't DO anything!?" The engineer.
Ummm.....(I don't know that!) that's just how God made people.
OK, hope you laughed as much as we did.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Hunger crisis in Ethiopia
Recently I was doing vocabulary with my 6th grader. Ok, i admit it, I LOVE vocabulary. I love to learn what words mean and make up sentences. So, I overwhelmed her, but it was fun. We had the word "remedy" V. to help out or fix a problem, to be the solution, n. to provide a solution to a medical problem.
"A remedy for the cold can be found in the medicine drawer."
Ok, so for the first one I got totally hung up on Plumpy Nut as a remedy for starvation in Ethiopia. I think it is fun to say Plumpy Nut and I think it is a good way to teach my kids the reality of the world. So, she ended up using one of those many sentences about Plumpy Nut on her vocabulary test. What a smart, aware kid, using big ideas like Plumpy Nut. Of course her brothers just came from this environment, so of course she is aware! :)
What is Plumpy Nut you ask? Well here is a story about it's use in Ethiopia, and another story about it being made in Ethiopia too. This helps the economy too.
Here are two recent articles in Time Magazine about Ethiopia's hunger crisis. And a video about it too.
"A remedy for the cold can be found in the medicine drawer."
Ok, so for the first one I got totally hung up on Plumpy Nut as a remedy for starvation in Ethiopia. I think it is fun to say Plumpy Nut and I think it is a good way to teach my kids the reality of the world. So, she ended up using one of those many sentences about Plumpy Nut on her vocabulary test. What a smart, aware kid, using big ideas like Plumpy Nut. Of course her brothers just came from this environment, so of course she is aware! :)
What is Plumpy Nut you ask? Well here is a story about it's use in Ethiopia, and another story about it being made in Ethiopia too. This helps the economy too.
Here are two recent articles in Time Magazine about Ethiopia's hunger crisis. And a video about it too.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Adoption workshops local in Denver, CO
There have been a few people and agencies who try to post things here as comments or email me to ask if they can advertise on my blog. I have not really supported most of these efforts as they did not really fit here. But, this is an exception. I got a very polite email from a woman working on this conference and checked out the web site for it. It is legit and looks really informative. I can not endorse it because I have not been to it! :) But, it looks like great workshops. I am thinking if it would fit into my life......... hmmm.
Well, I know most reading this are involved in African adoptions, and this is put on by the Asian Pacific Development Center out of Denver. The adoption topic workshops can be chosen by the participant and so if you are just interested in the adoption topics not the Asian topics because you have African kid-o's then you can tailor it to your own needs, I would think there would be at least a few of you interested in both. It is $85 individual. I think that is a fair price for what they are offering. Check out the web site here, Journey of Asian Adoption: Building a Multi-cultural Family.
Just a little taste of what they are offering:
Well, I know most reading this are involved in African adoptions, and this is put on by the Asian Pacific Development Center out of Denver. The adoption topic workshops can be chosen by the participant and so if you are just interested in the adoption topics not the Asian topics because you have African kid-o's then you can tailor it to your own needs, I would think there would be at least a few of you interested in both. It is $85 individual. I think that is a fair price for what they are offering. Check out the web site here, Journey of Asian Adoption: Building a Multi-cultural Family.
Just a little taste of what they are offering:
1C: The Trials and Tribulations of Adolescence and What Your Adopted Child Might Not Tell You
Adolescence can be a trying time for all children and parents. What special issues are key to understanding the mind of a growing adopted child? How does being adopted affect the developmental passage from youth to young adulthood? How does this passage differ for boys and girls? This workshop will also explore many developmental issues that may affect the whole family as a young multicultural adopted child develops, including sexuality, discrimination and attachment in the teen years. This workshop will help parents understand the “real” thoughts of adopted children as they journey through their teen years and beyond.
2A: Round-Table Sharing: What My Adoptive Child Has Taught Me
Adoptive parenthood can sometimes challenge parents to see the world a bit differently. This workshop will explore the ways our adopted children teach us about adoption and parenting. A trained therapist and parenting expert will facilitate the discussion that will include a panel of adoptive parents with children in different stages of development. The group will open the floor for discussion to hear questions on the minds of workshop participants.
3B: Evolving Identities in Adoption
What do adopted children, raised in multiracial families, need in order to grow up understanding their identities? A panel of young adopted adults will share their struggles and successes in their evolving identities and the middle ground they sometimes face when deciding where they belong. The panelists will discuss what helped their growth and how they have evolved and embraced their own identities. The workshop will also address the differences in identity development for males and females.
A special aspect of this workshop will include a discussion of emerging adult adoptees and the new adventures they may face as they venture off from family. More and more, when adopted children leave home, they come face-to-face with identity issues and discrimination and endeavor to create new support systems for themselves.3C: Challenging Emotional Issues and Strengths of the Adoptive Child
It has been said that parenthood is one of the most challenging and rewarding jobs. This is not any different in parenting an adopted child. Sometimes parents may be faced with an adopted or biological child with emotional issues that require outside support and/or intervention. This workshop will help parents identify and discuss some of the emotional issues special to the adoptive family, including attachment and grief. A mental health care professional, with a specialization in treating adoptive families, will share resources and discuss the role the entire family plays in parenting an adoptive child with special emotional needs.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Book review: children's: "I'd choose you"
I'd Choose You is a great book for kids by John Trent.
It tells about a kid who had a bad day and the parent encourages him by giving many instances when she would choose him over his friends to love and comfort and lift up. Very reassuring. Although it is not an adoption book and the parent and child are both grey elephants, it is a good theme for adopted kids, especially if the parent tells the child after the reading "I choose you too!". Great for any kid. Unfortunately it is out of print. We found our second hand.
It tells about a kid who had a bad day and the parent encourages him by giving many instances when she would choose him over his friends to love and comfort and lift up. Very reassuring. Although it is not an adoption book and the parent and child are both grey elephants, it is a good theme for adopted kids, especially if the parent tells the child after the reading "I choose you too!". Great for any kid. Unfortunately it is out of print. We found our second hand.
cute Africa t-shirts for babies and toddlers
This family is selling t-shirts to raise money for Ethiopian orphan support and to help off set their Ethiopian adoption. Visit their site to see the cute shirt. Maybe you want one! :)
http://www.onechosen.org/default.asp
Jill
http://www.onechosen.org/default.asp
Jill
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
AAI Adoption Advocates International
I have been meaning to look this agency up again. They work with the orphanage our agency works with, Sele Enat. I have now met several people who have used them and love it. I think their web site has a wealth of information and is very helpful. Click the Ethiopia tab and search away....
shopping from Ethiopia, medical info, books, etc...
http://www.adoptionadvocates.org/about/about_aai.php#
shopping from Ethiopia, medical info, books, etc...
http://www.adoptionadvocates.org/about/about_aai.php#
looking for African American dolls
>If you are looking for some African American dolls, here are some good choices. I am a doll lover, so this was a fun thing for me to look up after someone posted a question looking for one. Maybe it will be helpful for others too. It is certainly not an end all be all list, but a good start.
The first ever African American Disney princess. Princess Tiana. You can buy them on Amazon already and the toddler doll is sooo cute. The "Barbie" style doll is great too. Amazon Princess Tiana, Amazon Princess Tiana Toddler.
Walmart has Madame Alexander 18" dolls, they are really cute and they have the African American one, an Asian one and a variety of Caucasian and Hispanic. These dolls have the NEW face. They are not available on line only in stores.
Toys R Us also has a line of Madame Alexander 18: dolls with an African American and Asian one. They do not have the new face.
Doll Market, page with lots of African American dolls, various styles baby to Barbie type, prices from $15 up. Lee Middleton doll for a good price. We have this one and love her.
Alexander on Doll Market. 18" play doll with curly black hair. They also have the NEW face dolls.
>doll at CostCo, friends forever dolls with book like American Girl dolls with book.
> http://www.kaplantoys.com/store/trans/productDetailForm.asp?CatID=2%257C0%257C0&PID=82032&Max=48&Seq=28&Page=3
> This one is a baby doll and is $31.
>
> http://www.blackdollscollector.com/ We have the Lee Middleton doll,
> she is WONDERFUL and worth the cost. We did find a discount,
> occasionally possible on line or in close out stores.
>
> http://www.paradisegalleries.com/product.aspx?guid=2e7712c3-1514-4579-aef1-9ba445ef11f0
> BIG toddler doll $44
> http://www.amazon.com/Gotz-GZ20823-Muffin-13-African-American/dp/B0014IMI0W/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1250544521&sr=8-2
> Gotz 13" doll $20
> http://www.amazon.com/Madame-Alexander-Girlz-African-American/dp/B001U5Z8SS/ref=sr_1_19?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1250544590&sr=1-19
> $60 Madame Alexander. I think she may be what you are looking for.
> VERY CUTE DOLL. I want one of these!!!!!!! I collect Madam's anyway. She is awesome.
> http://www.amazon.com/Lulu-Kenya-World-Collection-Starter/dp/B000X1ZNI0/ref=sr_1_95?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1250544786&sr=1-95
> stand alone big girl doll. $75 with book, Kenyan. Like American Girl dolls.
> http://www.amazon.com/Madame-Alexander-African-American-Doll-Exclusive/dp/B001NLQGA8/ref=sr_1_153?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1250544922&sr=1-153
> $58 not curly hair...... nice doll though, we have one like her. Costco may have this doll for less. They usually carry one like this, new every year.
>
> Maybe that will help.
>
>
Ok, on another note. I was looking for modest Barbie clothes and came up with a Barbie like doll marketed in Muslim countries. You can buy Fulla and her friends on line. I think she is really pretty. She has indoor clothes which are modern and modest. She has her outdoor clothes which consist of a long jacket like dress and her head scarf. If she were less expensive I would be tempted to buy one for myself the doll junkie that I am. :)
If you are interested in cloth or rag dolls Pottery Barn has some cute ones.
doll
baby
The first ever African American Disney princess. Princess Tiana. You can buy them on Amazon already and the toddler doll is sooo cute. The "Barbie" style doll is great too. Amazon Princess Tiana, Amazon Princess Tiana Toddler.
Walmart has Madame Alexander 18" dolls, they are really cute and they have the African American one, an Asian one and a variety of Caucasian and Hispanic. These dolls have the NEW face. They are not available on line only in stores.
Toys R Us also has a line of Madame Alexander 18: dolls with an African American and Asian one. They do not have the new face.
Doll Market, page with lots of African American dolls, various styles baby to Barbie type, prices from $15 up. Lee Middleton doll for a good price. We have this one and love her.
Alexander on Doll Market. 18" play doll with curly black hair. They also have the NEW face dolls.
>doll at CostCo, friends forever dolls with book like American Girl dolls with book.
> http://www.kaplantoys.com/store/trans/productDetailForm.asp?CatID=2%257C0%257C0&PID=82032&Max=48&Seq=28&Page=3
> This one is a baby doll and is $31.
>
> http://www.blackdollscollector.com/ We have the Lee Middleton doll,
> she is WONDERFUL and worth the cost. We did find a discount,
> occasionally possible on line or in close out stores.
>
> http://www.paradisegalleries.com/product.aspx?guid=2e7712c3-1514-4579-aef1-9ba445ef11f0
> BIG toddler doll $44
> http://www.amazon.com/Gotz-GZ20823-Muffin-13-African-American/dp/B0014IMI0W/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1250544521&sr=8-2
> Gotz 13" doll $20
> http://www.amazon.com/Madame-Alexander-Girlz-African-American/dp/B001U5Z8SS/ref=sr_1_19?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1250544590&sr=1-19
> $60 Madame Alexander. I think she may be what you are looking for.
> VERY CUTE DOLL. I want one of these!!!!!!! I collect Madam's anyway. She is awesome.
> http://www.amazon.com/Lulu-Kenya-World-Collection-Starter/dp/B000X1ZNI0/ref=sr_1_95?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1250544786&sr=1-95
> stand alone big girl doll. $75 with book, Kenyan. Like American Girl dolls.
> http://www.amazon.com/Madame-Alexander-African-American-Doll-Exclusive/dp/B001NLQGA8/ref=sr_1_153?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1250544922&sr=1-153
> $58 not curly hair...... nice doll though, we have one like her. Costco may have this doll for less. They usually carry one like this, new every year.
>
> Maybe that will help.
>
>
Ok, on another note. I was looking for modest Barbie clothes and came up with a Barbie like doll marketed in Muslim countries. You can buy Fulla and her friends on line. I think she is really pretty. She has indoor clothes which are modern and modest. She has her outdoor clothes which consist of a long jacket like dress and her head scarf. If she were less expensive I would be tempted to buy one for myself the doll junkie that I am. :)
If you are interested in cloth or rag dolls Pottery Barn has some cute ones.
doll
baby
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Colorado Springs get together
| Host: | Peter Hilts |
| Location: | |
| When: | Sunday, August 23, 4:00PM Add to my Outlook Calendar |
| Phone: | 719-491-1255 |
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