How to Use This Blog

A Wayfarer is a person who is traveling, a particular place, a circumstance, a stage of life, etc. Let's walk the road of adoption together. The journey is so much better with company!
Much of this information is useful for any adoption, but this blog is designed to be a
I hope this blog will be helpful to you in your adoption whether you are considering, waiting or home. I started this blog when we were adopting and found there was next to nothing on the web in any orderly manner. I set about to collect information for myself and then for others. Now, there are more sites for resources, but still not much that brings it all together. I hope this blog will serve as a sort of clearing house for Ethiopian Adoption Information. Please feel free to contribute your knowledge through commenting.
You can search by topic in three ways. 1. Go to the "key word" tabs on top and open pages of links in those topics. 2. Use the "labels list" in the side bar or 3. use the "search bar" above the labels list. You can also browse the blog by month and year in the Posts section or in any of the above as well. The sidebar links are to sites outside of this blog. While I feel they provide good information, I can not vouch for each site with an approval rating. Use your own discernment for each. If you have more to add to the topic, please add it in the comment section of that page or post.
And, please link to The Wayfarer Adoption Blog by putting my button on
your blog so others can use this resource too. Please link to this blog when ever you can and whenever you re-post things (or images) you have found here. Thanks!
The solid tabs are links to my other blogs for books and family. Check them out if you are interested.
Welcome to the journey!

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Dealing with your own grief

I think that as we adjust to our new life with new little ones the experience necessitates some grief work of our own, not just the children we have brought in to our home. The kids grieve the loss of language, culture, the biological parents who SHOULD have been there for them all their life and given them all their love and care--- but can't or won't. Loss of biological identity with their family, the first connections they had, etc.... (not that they know they grieve it, but they do and they will again and again and again). We grieve for them these losses too. We grieve things we don't even know we are grieving, things that this experience touches in our heart long buried. Losses we never truly grieved, things we wished for but never had, pain that was just too much, heartache, loneliness, rejection, shame. Paying attention to this and working through it is an important step to being a better parent. A parent who identifies deeply with the woundedness of the little children we now call ours. A heart that has fully grieved is a more whole heart. Not one with parts split off trying not to feel those hard feelings that we tried to bury. A parent who accepts imperfections in herself and others as an important part of the good life. 

I suggest journaling. Take an hour or so a few days in  a row or one day a week until you are done. Write a list of everything you feel you have lost in your life. Don't limit it to just the death of loved ones. Ideals, dreams, opportunities and hopes can be lost too. Then take each of them and write how it was lost and how you feel about it. Allow yourself to feel. Release it. Each time you do this you open your heart to your child and to a whole life.

Adoption itself creates a great deal of grief in the adoptive family as well. Think about your expectations for your family, your hopes bringing in these new children. Most of the time it does not go as you envisioned. There is loss there to grieve. There are a number of things to grieve in this regard if you were unable to conceive or if you lost a child previously. If you have other children your biological or previously adopted children may have their own grief in this too. Loss of place, normalcy, routine, attention, etc. Grief is not something to be feared rather to be embraced. Take your time to grieve these losses and help your family members do the same. You will all be better for it.

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The content on The Wayfarer:Ethiopian Adoption Resource Blog is for informational purposes only. We are adoptive parents, but we are not professionals. The opinions and suggestions expressed here are not intended to replace professional evaluation or therapy, or to supersede your agency. We assume no responsibility in the decisions that families make for their children and families. There are many links on this blog. We believe these other sites have valuable information, but we do not necessarily share all of the opinions or positions represented by each site, nor have we fully researched every aspect of each link. Please keep this in mind when visiting the links from this page.
Thank You.

A Links Disclaimer

I post a lot of links. I do so because I feel that the particular page has good information and much to offer. I do not necessarily support all that each site has to say or promote. I trust you to sift the links for information you feel is worthwhile to you. Each person's story and situation are unique and different things will be useful or not useful to each one in different ways. Please use your own discretion when accessing links and information.