Everyone Can Make A Difference

There are a lot of ways that a family or individual can help children and families in Africa and Ethiopia. You can sponsor a child for education and wellness; you can sponsor a family so they can keep their children; you can help a kid go to college; a person with HIV live a productive life and care for his or her family; train a family in child care and health care; help a parent gain education; educate a community for health; sponsor kids in an orphanage for education and wellness; provide a well giving clean water to an entire community; send books so that kids can enjoy the wonder of reading. The beauty of it is you get to choose! Here is a list of organizations we have looked at.

• African Widows and Orphans
• AHOPE
• Camfed-educating girls in Africa
• Children's Haven
• Children's Hope Chest
• Christian Alliance for Orphans
• Christian Alliance for Orphans blog. Plus links
• Compassion International
• Deborah House
• Dutton Family Foundation
• Ethiopian Orphan Relief
• Fields of Promise
• Heart For Ethiopia
• Hope For children
• Hope, food for starving children
• MTW
• Saint's Coffee
• SIM
• Tom Davis' Blog
• World Orphans 
• Soverign Grace church in Addis 
• Beza International ministries, Ethiopia 
• Ethiopia Reads
• Drawn From Water

Book Review: The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis

I picked up a copy of The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis after hearing a lot about it. It is a great book with lots of great information and practical solutions. It is easy to read and does not go into lots of technical or medical language. It uses terms and ideas your average parent can relate to, grasp and put into practice. I would highly recommend this book for parents who have adopted kids at any age. The only complaint I would have is so very minor, it does not really give ideas for what your child should be doing or how to decide if the child's behaviour is attachment related or not. Nancy Thomas has this in her books and so, again, I still recommend that you have a variety of books in your library for your own resource. Even without that, The Connected Child is one of the best books I have read, it is a must have in my opinion. In addition this book has a lot of great solutions and ideas that work for kids who have other complexities such as Asperger's Syndrome or other neurological differences which cause them to have similar symptoms of a child with attachment issues. I would say this is truly a book for a child who is wounded by family or biology. Below are some links you can use to investigate and buy this great book.

The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis 
you can listen to a broadcast by her on Family Life Today here
or check out the web site here and another one here
Apparently there are many videos of her on line if you google Karyn Purvis you can watch some. 

Help after you are home and for your school

Some parents research all sorts of things, others just let it happen. Everyone has their own personality in how to prepare and plan for life. No matter which you fall into, or somewhere in between, things can be difficult once you are home with your child. Some kids adapt quickly, others don't, some need help, some families need help. Some need a little help to get over a hurdle and some need a lot. There is NO shame in needing a little or a lot of help to adjust. The Adoption Exchange as a great resource for post-adoption help. There are all sorts of things here. Articles, Education, Respite Care, Support Groups, etc..... check it out with the link above.

Educators need help understanding the unique needs of adoptive families and kids who have been adopted. There are great resources for schools too!  This is a list of education opportunities for professionals and parents, as far as I can understand, these classes are put on in conjunction with Colorado Department of Human Services. This makes them very useful and legit for public school teachers who need state approved classes. The Adoption Exchange is really focused on helping families and educators to meet the needs of kids who have been adopted.
PDF booklet from Adoption Exchange on Family Diversity in Education
There are other resources for teachers and schools here too. Take a look and pass it on.

Tracking the Process

*DONE-Application: We have applied and been accepted with IAN International Adoption Net in Denver, CO. (3-16-08).

* DONE-Home Study: Home visits and papers done (as of 4-12). FBI fingerprints & CBI turned in 3-27, CBI received 4- 15, FBI received 5-2 (lag due to downed system). Home study submitted for state approval 5-8, approved 5-15-08.

*DONE-The Dossier state certified 5-2-08 and submitted to IAN.

*DONE-IAN sent the dossier for a lot of roller coastering in Washington DC on 5-13/ received back 5-16-08

*SENT- Dossier to Ethiopia 5-19-08. RECEIVED and translated. At the ministry by last week of May! In process with MOWA.

*RECEIVED-preliminary referral received May 1, 2008!!!! (7 weeks from when we signed up with our agency.) Three very cute and charming little three year old boys!!!! -sorry no photo or info posting allowed at this time. Waiting on extra MOWA paper work on one of them, not possible for us at this time, we dropped his referral and take this as a sign from God that his family waits for him elsewhere. We know which two boys!!! 5-27 Case is going to court already! WOW!
ACCEPTED- 6-6-08

*SET! Then court date IS SET for June 23!!! PASSED June 23rd also! WOW! The adoption decree is now translated and new birth certificates are issued. Visa applied for with passport.

*DONE-submit our immigration papers I600A for the boys and wait for that to come back. Estimated wait of 6-8 weeks. Has been taking 4-6 for many lately. Submitted 5-23-08. Fingerprints done 6-6-08
RECEIVED I171H-July 14, 2008, also received confirmation from the National Visa Center 7-28-08. Sent to Addis last week.
RECEIVED the visa 37 confirmation 7-31-08 only DAYS before we travel Aug 4.

*Embassy date: August 13th!!!
The invitation to come get our kids with the setting of an Embassy date. Accomplished no problems!

*Travel date: We leave on the jet plane August 4 and Lord willing return the 18th. We are going to meet those boys of ours on August 6th. WOW! Accomplished as planned!

*Classes: We have started our Adoption classes (24 hours required by the state of CO). 3 of 5 completed/ next on line (half way done) and one more in Denver.

*Adoption Tax Identification Number applied for mid January 2009 and received April 10, 2009 - just in time for taxes.

* State adoption validation: DONE! Submitted March 25th. Appointment July 10! Name and birth dates changed successfully. 6-10-2009

*State Birth Certificate: received Oct 27th 2009

* Citizenship:  Received for N in February 2010, still waiting on K applied at the same time-- Kedus received his in April 2010. finished

* Social Security numbers: Applied Jan 18, 2011. Nate received his Feb. 14. Still waiting on Kedus'

* passports: do we really need this?

Updates and Improvements on this blog

Well, if you have been here before you have noticed that I changed the look of the blog. :) All the same good info is here, I am working on making the numerous helpful posts more searchable. You can see that there are now two tab bars at the top of the page. Interestingly, I made the lower tab first and it links you to the posts on the topics listed on the tabs, it is still rather a lot to go through, as it just takes you to the long line of posts on that topic. This set of tabs may be changing. In the upper set of tabs I am working on getting things more broken down for you to find stuff you need. Right now, under the upper tab Adoption Resource Page you will find the posts linked to by where you are at in the process and many individual links to things like adoption paperwork, paperwork once you are home and health issues, etc. So, take a look there first and see what you can find.
Please let me know if links on this blog internally or to external sites are not working. Also, let me know if you have found a good source of information on any of these topics or a new topic you think I should include. As always, any more or new information you have on any of these topics, please comment in the comment section so others can know what you know too!
And, if you think this blog is useful, please put a link to it on your blog, on your forum, face book page, etc......You can do this just by posting a link or by putting my button on your blog side bar.  I intend for this to be helpful to many, so you can help get the word out about it. Many of you have referred others to this blog already. Thanks! Keep it up.
Jill

Guest House Review: Addis Guest House

Thank you to Kelly for this helpful review of the Addis Guest House.  If you also stayed here please comment on it in the comment section! The more info. the better for anyone looking for where to stay.

 

We stayed at Addis Guest House and would stay there again.  Our room was a very nice size with a large living room which would seat 6 or so, hallway, mini kitchen, private bathroom, and bedroom.  We had one full sized bed in our bedroom and they brought a toddler bed in for our son. The people who ran the guesthouse and worked there were incredibly helpful and nice helping us translate when our son was having a rough time, playing hours of soccer with our son in the little enclosed concreted area, immediately repairing anything in the room we needed repaired, and finding us a way to call home and communicate, even giving us their personal cell phones to use for the duration of our stay.  We had private dial-up internet in our room which was like the rest of the country, in and out.  They had a generator so we never lost power at night. We did loose power during the day as they didn't use the generator when most guests were gone.  We never had a problem with warm water for our showers.  Some of the rooms had balconies as well, and all of them had huge windows that opened to let the breeze in.  We were in a convenient and very safe location just far enough outside the city in Bole to avoid a lot of the vehicle exhaust problem. 

 

Although we loved staying there and would again, we did have a few complaints.  The food took hours to get after we ordered it, but this is something we quickly learned our way around (ordering it hours before we knew we would be hungry).  We didn't like the food very well at Addis Guest House and ordered out frequently.  They were very helpful when we decided to order out. The guest house would either send a cab for it or go get it themselves.  Another complaint was the room kitchen wasn't really in working order.  The refrigerator wasn't plugged in and the kitchen sink wasn't useable.  We did still have the bathroom sink and this could have just been our room with this problem.  It wasn't a huge problem for us, but had I been there with more than one child, I probably would have wanted to use the kitchen more.

Many blessings,
Kelly
www.thecashcrew.blogspot.com

Sensory Processing Disorder

Sensory Processing Disorder is the new term for the same condition that used to be called Sensory Integration Disorder. SPD is the more common term today.

This is a disorder being diagnosed more often in today's medically aware climate. It is not that it did not previously exist in the same levels as it does today, we are just a more medically savvy culture and diagnoses are more likely with knowledge. That is a good thing. For one, it helps us all succeed and it also lessens the narrowness of normal. No, indeed, normal is becoming broader and broader as we grow in knowledge. I sure do appreciate that!

My biologcial kids have SPD in varying forms. You would never guess. Success is sweet if you take the time to do the work. But, the reason for this post is that many many adopted kids deal with forms of SPD. Some come to it genetically, some by environment. An orphange is really no place for a child. No matter how great the facility or love for the kids, there just are not enough hands or anything to go around. Kids are effected by this at a time when their neuro sensory systems are developing. If you understand it you can help  your child overcome it.
Here are some great resources regarding Sensory Processing Disorder:
Books:
Books

The Out-Of-Sync Child : Recognizing and Coping With Sensory Integration Dysfunction by Carol Stock Kranowitz. ISBN: 0399523863. The first section of the book is on recognizing SI dysfunction and includes a long checklist of characteristics of it. The second part is on coping with it. There are entire chapters in each on the vestibular sense.

Making Sense of Sensory Integration (Audio Cassette & Booklet) by Jane Koomar, Stacy Szklut, Sharon Cermak, David Silver. ISBN:1893601269. Three articulate and reassuring occupational therapists answer the most frequently asked questions about SI - a subtle, hidden neurological problem that can have a huge impact when it prevents a child from enjoying just being a kid.
Relationship of Learning Problems and Classroom Performance to Sensory Integration by Marie Di Matties, Quirk. ISBN: 9991105417. The book presents each sensory sytem by defining it and describing behaviors associated with hyperactive and hypoactive responses of that system. It contains short chapters structured to reflect a hierarchical relationship between sensory registration, sensory processing, "higher level" sensory integrative skills, and ultimately, abstract thinking and academic skills.
Teachers Ask About Sensory Integration by Carol Kranowtiz, Stacy Szklut, Stacey Szklut, Carol Stock Kranowitz, Carol Kranowitz Stacey Szklut. ISBN: 1893601293. A companion product to "Making Sense of Sensory Integration". Carol Stock Kranowitz interviews expert occupational therapist Stacey Szklut about how to teach children with sensory integration problems. This full-length audio tape includes narration by public health physician Dr. David Silver. A 60-page companion booklet includes classroom checklists, idea sheets, sensory profiles, and extensive resources customized for the classroom teacher.

The Goodenoughs Get in Sync: A Story for Kids about the Tough Day When Filibuster Grabbed Darwin's Rabbit's Foot and the Whole Family Ended Up in the Doghouse--An ... Introduction to Sensory Processing Disorder (Hardcover)

~ Carol Stock Kranowitz

Carol Stock Kranowitz (Author)

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Web sites:
SPD and adopted kids and more
The development of neuro sensory system
check list for SPD  another list and a check list for adults and adolecents
what is SPD and more about it
What you should know
Signs and symptoms of SPD more signs and symptoms of SPD
SPD in the classroom and schools
How to help my child with SPD, on the above sites and these also:
learning, etc.
good activites

Where to buy sensory products like weighted blankets, vests, toys and comfort items.

• http://www.achievement-products.com/Product/ProductList.aspx?category=115&src=categorynavigation1
• http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=sensory+integration+products&tag=googhydr-20&index=aps&hvadid=8116263819&hvpos=1t3&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=19818287681005053889&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&ref=pd_sl_4huuvd5e4r_b
• http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-integration-products.html
• http://www.sensoryinterventions.com/

funny things kids say

What I want to be when I grow up:
K and N
After the olympics they are set on being hockey players. That is one cool sport in their eyes.

In general K has stuck to his idea of being a dad, first and foremost. He even sticks to the 9 kids he expects to have. The other day he wondered if people can have 100. He learned to count to 100 recently and that is a very big number. I said, it is possible, but not likely to have 100 kids. He said, well that is good. I will do that. Another time he brought this up again. He got very serious and said "Mama, If I go to get my kids and I get 9 and there is one left without a family, I will have to take him too, then there will be 10." He has, since then, mentioned several times, that he is going to get lots of kids who don't have families and that is how he will have kids, he always ends whatever his comment is with, "that is a good thing, everyone should have a family."  I am glad he likes his family. We sure do like him.

P said that they will both do that, maybe they will be missionaries together and take care of lots of kids. What sweet and loving hearts they have. I can see this fitting into P's life someday. Compassion.

After Dinosaur Train the boys want to be Paleontologists. :) Dinosaurs are cool. O is set on archeology and has been for several years now. I can totally see that one. Maybe playing some upright bass on the side somewhere... who knows. She is really starting to bond with that instrument.

They boys had to fill out a little Star of the Week poster for school. One of the questions was what do you want to be when you grow up? Keds said right away, Spiderman. When I asked him about that later he said this, "What? That is not real, it is just someone's idea they drew. I want to have 9 kids and drive a big truck."
 N did not really get the question. He said, what is that? I gave him examples: Doctor, nurse, teacher, work with people and programs like Daddy, pastor, write books, computer, sell things. He said, "OH! I know, I know! I want to be a...............um..............guitar. No, the guy who plays the guitar." oh a musician, play music in a band. "No Mama, the guy at church who plays the guitar and sings and teaches the people new songs." oh, a worship pastor? "Yes, that is what I want to be when I grow up!" Well ok then. Great goal. So that is what we wrote on there.  Cool.


You know some days the boys want to be firefighters, race car drivers, etc.... but it always comes back to driving that big truck for both of them and being a dad of 9 kids for K. P is thinking about that. Missionary, teacher, etc? Whatever it is, it will be with people and helping. Honestly, Jr. Hi starts next year and she is really thinking about that! O -well, I hope she has the stamina to go through with it, she would love it, but it is a hard road academically, Anthropology. Yep, I will help her get there all I can. She would love it.

For now, let's just be the best "me" I can be and grow as God is leading. He does know best after all. If they can learn to trust that now, the future will be a snap! And that is my job -what I grew up to be- a mom, leading my children to believe God and trust him with their lives. That is a good job. 

Adoption Books

Here are some books specifically related to Adoption. You can find others on this blog by looking at the labels section. Look for adoption books.

Adoption and race for parents:
Taming the tiger while it is still a kitten by Nancy Thomas (the book is not particularly focused on Christians but I hear she is a Christian) I found this book to be a complimentary (to the Deborah Gray's book) list of attachment signs to look for and practical ideas for attachment. It is more of a booklet. I do not know anything about her particular theory's as this book does not address that.
Attaching in adoption by Deborah Grey
I'm chocolate you're vanilla by Marguerite A. Wright
Before You were mine (on making a Christian life book)*
Twenty Things Adopted Kids wish their parents knew by Sherrie Eldridge
There is no me without you by Melissa Fay Green
Toddler Adoption, the Weaver's Craft  by Hopkins-Best we have read this one and it was very helpful
Parenting your adopted older child
Our own: adopting an older child
Older Child Adoption
The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis 
you can listen to a broadcast by here on Family Life Today here
or check out the web site here
 
Adoption for kids:
Emma's Yucky Brother by Jean Little (not a yucky book but a yucky title that I don't favor. For siblings already in the home and pertaining to older child adoption).
Rosie's Family Lori Rosove
I love you like Crazy Cakes by Lewis
Horace by Holly Keller
Who are my real parents by D. L. Fuller
Welcome Home forever child by Christine Mitchell (older child adoption)
Little Miss Spider by David Kirk
God Found Us You  by Lisa Tawn Bergren
A Blessing From Above by Patti Henderson
Family Day:: Celebrating Ethan's Adopti... by Christine Mitchell
Colors come from God Just like me by Carolyn Forche*
Brown Like Me by Noelle Lamperti


Baby book for infant adopted child:

My Family, My Journey: A Baby Book for Adoptive Families

Our Chosen Child: How You Came To Us And The Growing Up Years

Like-Twins, artificial twinning

I recently posted this to my agency yahoo group and thought it would make a nice informative post. Hope it is useful to those of you considering this possibility.

Artificial twins are children in the same family who are closer than a year in age. Some say 8 months apart or closer, others say closer than 11 months apart. They can be birth child/adopted child, two adopted children adopted at different times or the same time, from different ethnicity or the same, same gender or different genders. There are even cases of birth children being this close in age. Irregardless of how it occurs there are certainly factors to consider before intentionally doing this. I think extra consideration is needed if the two to be "twinned" are the same gender. Remember, if you have a referral for a child who is around a year younger than a child you have, you are likely going to find that the child is in fact closer in age or older than the child you have in your home already (for Ethiopia).

We adopted two boys who were said to be about 5 months apart in age. In reality they are likely about 2-3 months. We have altered the birth dates to make them 8 months apart in age due to emotional maturity/ or lack of and some delays physically/or lack of, this is going to work out well for us because we have one who is just plain talented and one who is delayed. But, the truth is we have created a situation that would be considered artificial twinning. We encounter a lot of  "Oh, twins!" when we are out in public. While this is working out fine, the boys are good friends now, not at first- at all!, there is some competition that is confused by their age being so close. I think it will help when one goes to school and the other stays home. It would have been more ideal and better for their own personalities and bonding if one were a few years younger rather than a few months. But, that is not what God designed for our family and it is working out fine. Our first two are 19 months apart and we had to deal with some of the same things even though the gap is wider. I also know that some of this is sibling rivalry and is normal. I also know that closeness in age and same gender will exacerbate the competition beyond just sibling rivalry.

I would say that every family is going to work this out differently. What works for one is not going to be the same as another family. I would ask some questions of yourself about the situations' potential effects.  We thought long and hard about this before we did it and read a ton. I think we made a good choice overall. More work? Well maybe not more, but certainly different, and yes, a lot of work/ energy.

Maybe some questions like this: (this would work for birth order disruptions too)..

1. Do my kids, in the home now, have set places in the family? How attached are they to their positions?
2. Will the personality of the child most likely to be displaced be able to bounce back from this easily? Is he a flexible child, easy going, compliant?
3. What sort of energy will it take for me to keep up with two this age? To give the needed attention to the newer child? To give the needed distinction between older and younger? To give affirming energy to the child who was in the home first?
4. Am I willing to hold one back in school in order to keep them apart if needed? Or to keep them in different classrooms/same grade in order to limit the competition as much as possible? Knowing the personalities of my kids, is this even an issue? What if it becomes an issue, what will you do? If you home school this is less likely to be an issue with school, but sports, etc. it may be. How will you deal with that?
5. What sort of energy and situations will I need to have/provide in order to give the children "individual distinction".
6. What if one of them hates being so close in age? Feels over shadowed, left out, too much competition for recognition, one child is better at X than the other and what if that causes problems due to the nature of the closeness in age? How will I step in? What can I do?
7. How will I organize the home in order to give them time away from each other to allow them to develop as individuals rather than together? Rooms apart? Time or activities apart?
8. If the children look similar what will I do to help others NOT associate them as twins, especially if I choose to send them to school together? Outsiders are likely to compare the children even if they do not carry the same DNA. This can be hard for kids who are not twins but have some expectations of being twins or like twins, especially if they look similar.
9. Can you afford to have two of everything? Clothing the same size, you will need double, some toys too, school and extra curricular fees, college at the same time, etc.
10. What about the issue of friendship. What if one is left out of a party invitation?Or a relationship/friendship all together?
11. What if one of the "twins" has some more serious issues emotionally or physically? How will that effect the other child? It will be more traumatic if the children are "twins" than if there is some space between them.
12. You need to be willing to make the new child his or her correct age (age given at referral is not always accurate) even if that means "twinning" or making him or her older than the child they are close to in age. Can your family handle this potentiality?
13. How successfuly can you split your time between the distinct needs of the two kids? How will this effect the other children in your home?
14.Two is more work than one, do you have the energy and the support?
15. School. Are you willing to keep a child with a summer or late spring birthday back in order to keep the distance, distinction between kids. NON twins in the same classroom/grade can cause any number of issues. Think of all these you can, how they will effect your children and come up with a plan.

I am sure you can come up with other questions that pertain to your own family situation. Dig up all you can in order to make an informed decision and have the tools you need to succeed.

Resources:
yahoo group for like-twins http://groups.yahoo.com/group/like-twins/
articles and web pages dealing with the question of artificial twinning:
http://www.adopting.org/adoptions/artificial-twinning-in-adoptive-foster-and-step-families.html
http://www.perspectivespress.com/notwinning.html
http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/artificial-twinning-is-it-a-good-idea
http://forums.adoption.com/discuss-your-childs-birth-order/211665-artificial-twinning-birth-order.html
http://www.adoptmed.org/display/Search?searchQuery=artificial+twinning&moduleId=1280077
http://www.examiner.com/x-15364-Transracial-Adoption-Examiner~y2009m8d8-Artificial-twinning
http://www.rainbowkids.com/ExpertArticleDetails.aspx?id=274
http://www.rainbowkids.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?id=605
http://www.adoption.ca/pdfs/artificial_twinning_e.pdf

Hope this is helpful.
Jill

a blog post from A Bushel and A Peck on adopting two at once.