Grief talk and links

Well, I have posted a bit on attachment but not so much on grief. This is a really important step for all adopted children. Home at birth, home at 8 months, home at 18 month, age 5 or 10 or 14, they all will grieve, they have all lost. Grieving is part of loving what you have gained. The loss brought you the gain, that can be a source of anger, and eventually when the grief is embraced and subsides then the love can come. With the power of grief, it is hard to feel and accept the love. So, let them grieve, grieve the loss with them. Then celebrate the gain, the family, the love, the life.  Of course you cover grief in the parent classes you have to take prior to adoption. But, then when it really hits, wow. Sometimes you forget all you read or learned momentarily, then it comes back and off you go on the journey of a life time. Sometimes you have the experience of your own grief to go back to and relate with your child on, and understand their hard emotions. It is always good to have more resources and more encouragement from others along the same sort of path.  I love this blog post relating grief to carrying a sleeping bag. Go read it.


I recently re-read one of my favorite books on grief. I read it to the boys. While it is great for all ages, I would say that the meaning behind the soup needs explanation to a child still in the concrete phase of thinking. Tear Soup. I love this book and feel that it is truly one of the best all around books on dealing with grief. So weather you are dealing with a sleeping bag or a bowl of soup. Weather it is a child suffering the losses associated with adoption, another family member grieving a death, a hardship, a loss of anykind...... here is the book that I think of as the book of all books on grief. See it on Amazon.
Their description:

Product Description

If you are going to buy only one book on grief, this is the one to get! It will validate your grief experience, and you can share it with your children. You can leave it on the coffee table so others will pick it up, read it, and then better appreciate your grieving time. Grand's Cooking Tips section at the back of the book is rich with wisdom and concrete recommendations. Better than a casserole!

And this is from our library:
Tear soup : a recipe for healing after loss
    Schwiebert, Pat.

Summary

In this modern-day fable, a woman who has suffered a terrible loss cooks up a special batch of "tear soup," blending the unique ingredients of her life into the grief process. Along the way she dispenses a recipe of sound advice for people who are in mourning. Distributed by Syndetic Solutions, Inc.

Other articles on grief and the adopted child.
Adoption.com   Grief and Loss in Adopted Children second article
Families.com Raising and Adopted Child
fairfamilies.org Adaptive Grieving - Natural for Adopted Child
Suite101.com  Grief and Loss in Adopted Children
About.com has some great links to grief issues - Understanding Grief and Loss - 8 ways to help a child grieve - Understanding a child's yearly struggles with grief -
Article by Sherri Eldridge on Rainbow Kids
Impact of Adoption on Adopted Persons, this is not a stellar article but it has some really good points.

Children's Grief reactions to the death of a loved one
Helping Children through grief
Understanding Children's Grief
Grief Can Last a Lifetime
Grief and Loss for Adopted Children
Several more articles on grief and loss for children

A bunch of articles on Helping Children with Grief, looks like personal experiences on this site

Children and Grief is a real thing 

 Well, there you go, some basics to start with. Grief is natural and should not be feared or avoided. Help your little one to see that it is ok to feel this way and teach them how to show it and share it in positive ways.