Affording Adoption

 Few who desire to adopt can pay for it out of pocket. If you can not take a second loan or adoption loan here are some ideas for you. 


Many a church will be willing to donate from the deacons or mercy fund for orphans. More will be willing to allow you to hold a fund raising event at your church. Get with your Sunday School or small group and have a dinner or garage sale.

 

Here are some resources for funding an adoption. 

Financing Adoption:

Adoption Financing on Squidoo
Affording Adoption a list
Adoption Assistance - Cadman Foundation
adoption funding - adoption source mortgage adoption loans, credit based adoption loans
Adoption Fundraising - Raising Money to Pay for Adoption Costs and Expenses
Adoption Grant-Loan Application
Available Resources To Help Defray The Cost of Adoption
Gift of Adoption Fund
His Kids, Too! - A Christian Charity Impacting Ukrainian Orphans
Kingdom Kids Adoption Ministries - Home Page
Shaohannah's Hope
The Adoption Guide The Cost of Adoption
Ethiopia Adoption Blog, Ethiopia Adoption Blog - The cost of an adoption
Wiley, Morgan Parker Fund giving grants for international adoptions, out of date site but still funding.
Sea Of Faces Foundation grants for international adoptions
Both Hands Foundation
The ABBA fund
Lifesong for Orphans
Project Hopeful resources for families adopting HIV+ kids.
147 million

Here is a site that gives a data base of grant programs. Resources for Adoption.

Surely Not

(This was on another blog I follow, written by someone else....yet, well worth the ponder. Copied by permission from her blog.)

______________________________

Imagine with me for a minute…

Right now, today…

you are small and alone.

You are hungry and lost.

You have no home, no parents, and seemingly no future.

You are scared, and weak, from days without food. You have nowhere to go, nowhere to be.

People walk by you but they don’t even look your way. It’s like you are invisible, nothing.

You keep walking, your feet are bleeding and sore… and yet still you manage to cling to the small bit of hope, the little voice inside your head that says maybe, just maybe, one day things will get better. Maybe one day -you will matter.

It is getting dark outside- inside your fear is growing. Where will you go?

Your heart is beating faster, and your fear becomes overwhelming, consuming your every thought. Then you see it, a dirty, broken cardboard box and you bow your head thanking God for His provision. For you have found it- shelter. Safety, if only for one night.

You slip underneath it, hugging yourself, vowing once again not to cry- because by now you know tears are a waste of your strength. Your eyes become heavy, despite the sweltering temperature. As you begin to drift off to sleep you pray, hoping, dreaming, of a family of your own one day...of a place where you will matter...to someone.

Somewhere else in the world is a family...

They are just sitting down to dinner together.They are smiling and their laughter fills the room.

Dinner is served and they bow their heads and they pray- thanking God for their many blessings… their home, their job, the food that is set before them.They lift their heads and go back to the laughter and the joy.

They talk of their upcoming vacation plans, the lunch date they shared with a friend today and the movie they plan to see this coming weekend.

More laughter, more excitement, more. As the leftovers are scraped into the garbage can and the table is cleaned up, hot bubble bathes are taken by all.

Evening settles in, and the family slips under their down comforters preparing for a good night's sleep.

Before turning out the lights, the husband leans over to kiss his wife good-night. She shyly smiles at him and begins to tell him that she has been feeling that perhaps God is calling them to adopt.

The room grows quiet as they are both lost in their own thoughts…

their minds are flooded with questions, concern, and then inevitably -fear.

How could they manage?
Another child?
Why, they already have two!
Where would they put the child?
Who would share a room?
How could they afford to adopt?
Would they be able to take that vacation?
What would people think?
What if the child, you know, caused ‘problems’?

As their eyelids become heavy, they begin to drift off to sleep...
and they think to themselves ‘surely not’.

Surely God knows this is not convenient.
Surely God wants them to take that vacation they deserve...
Surely he knows how busy they are.
They have plans and they have dreams.
As sleep overcomes them, the temperature in their master bedroom is perfect…
and their pillows are fluffed to perfection.

Life is good for them, just as they had planned...
Because after all, they matter...
Too much...

to themselves.

One Year Home--well a bit more than that really

ONE YEAR HOME:

The boys had a round of immunizations on Monday, (a delayed start due to snow and ice. :)
One of them is just the wimp of all wimps when it comes to these things. He screams and then limps around moaning for a few days. Ok, it hurts in the muscle after, but NOT THAT BAD.  And yes, I give them the pain killer for kids.

We are thrilled that K has gained in weight and height so that now he is in the middle upper of his range for his age! He came to us quite not even on the charts. N has gained also but did not have as much to catch up to and being younger is just smaller. However he is giardia free and both are ring worm free. These two things took about a year to clear up. We are so thankful for their health and beautiful attachment and bonding. WOW! What a blessing. Ok, I am not going to say perfect, because, after all, there is no such thing and no matter what we do all our kids will have some sort of issue...... that's life and we accept it. But, wow they are doing great. Look at their photos just above here when they were in ET, this was taken in July, only weeks before we picked them up. They are the boys in the middle K in pink and N in blue with stripes. This would have been about a year and a half ago.  And the photo just a few weeks ago proudly wearing Bronco style, K on the left and N on the right. K has had the most dramatic change on the outside, but N is not to be left behind, his inner change has been wonderfully dramatic as well!
Amazing.

Arriving in Ethioipia, visa, etc

Hannah posted this on our group site. It is great info. I think a lot of it is scattered here and there on this blog, but this is more concise and therefore helpful. Thanks Hannah!

Here is the information we used when traveling (from KC and Jill K.) with notes added from us.

Get off the plane in Addis Ababa as quickly as possible and go right downstairs into the VISA line just to the right of the stairs. Have your passports and hotel/guest house address ready.
Visas cost $20.00 each in American Dollars, exact change, crisp bills, and bills newer than 2003 is appreciated and helps move the process along. (Note: If the VISA office is notified of the correct number of passengers arriving they will have enough people there to move the line. In our case they were not and there were 3 people to process several families. Though 3 sounds like a lot it is not as all 3 work on 1 VISA at a time and everything is hand written. When they saw it was taking quite a while they were so sweet to get my daughter and I chairs for us to sit.) There is a bathroom under the stairs, bring your own toilet paper. (Note: Traveling with small children I would try to go on the plane before de-boarding! )Get in line for immigration with all of your documents as soon as you leave the visa line. Stay in the middle line. The line to the left is for Diplomats and to the right is for Ethiopians.
(Note: There is a card to fill in for each person entering the country. We began to fill it out and then the lady at the window just finished it up for us. If you just go to the window maybe they will fill them out for you.)You can/should exchange money after you pass through the immigration station.
The bank has windows inside and outside of the immigration area. You will need your passport
number for this and any time you exchange money with a bank (Note: This was very relaxed and I think much better than trying to travel in country to exchange money. With 2 sick boys we were very glad we had exchanged our money here.)Keep your receipt (the bigger one that you sign) when you exchange money at the airport or you can't change birr back to US dollars when you leave or just leave
money as a donation. Do not exchange money on the street. Collect your luggage and put it on a free
cart. Decline help from the “porters” i.e. DO NOT let anyone bully you into
taking your bags and loading them on a cart, unless you are interested in help and willing to tip them. (Note: Declining is not a one time, "No thank you.", to put it mildly. We would not have minded tipping but on our return trip we were actually charged and it was a hefty price, per bag, even for US standards. If traveling alone you will need to use their services, just be prepared to pay.  I think I remembered paying about $10 US it was a fixed price. It is per bag something like $3 per bag--not worth it in my opinion--JK). You may have to show your luggage ‘receipts’ from the airline to airport workers before they let you leave the area
with your bags. A customs agent (or someone) will ask you about declaring money before you leave the airport. Once outside the baggage area there will be a large number of people with signs to pick up guests. Find your driver (IAN staff should be picking you up to take you to your Guest House unless you have arranged otherwise. --JK) (Note: Our experience here was CRAZY, but unlikely to happen again, but next time we travel we will have our driver secured before travel.--H) Once you are at the hotel call the IAN staff to let them know.  Confirm your return flights as soon as you  arrive in Ethiopia or within a day or two. (You can do this at the Hilton Hotel--JK). Ask your hotel or guest home to help you do that.
From Matt (IAN Parent): 
If you are arriving at night and you have a window seat, once you enter Northern Ethiopia start looking out the window. Ethiopia is home to one of only 4 or 5 active lava flows in the world and you can see it at night really easy, pretty dang cool.
Upon arrival in Addis I had to go through customs, buy my visa, exchange money, not too bad. Remember that there is really only 1 flight that leaves/arrives at a time so it's never really that busy. Being 6' 6" I was able to stretch out my stride and beat a vast majority of people to the visa line, but even if you are last in line it's probably just another 20-30 minutes. It's probably best to exchange money at the airport, really easy. I exchanged some at a bank as well, not hard, but about 3 different steps and windows to go to before completion.
Once I exited customs my driver (Ayela) from New Flower met me at door with a sign and took my bags. You get introduced to the poverty right after exiting the airport as about 3-4 guys try to help you with your bags in the parking lot in hopes of getting a few Birr.

Another great doll

Ok, for those of you, who like me are a bit doll crazy..... I realize that is a narrow crowd. :)

I was at Walmart today and looking to see if the new Disney princess was out yet, and I saw the most wonderful doll for such a good price. You can find some of them listed at the Madame Alexander link here these are labeled Favorite Friends.  Madame Alexander has marketed a doll line at Walmart ( Being a collector of MA dolls, I have mixed feelings on this) it is called Friends 4 Ever, the exact same dolls as the Favorite Friends dolls on their site. They are 18" dolls and look the same size as the American Girl dolls. They have the cutest modest clothing on and for sale next to them. They made an African American doll, an Asian one, a Hispanic one and then the regular blond (two versions both with blue eyes), brunette (light and dark both with brown eyes) and red head (with green eyes). I LOVE them. My favorites are the African American and Asian dolls and the one with light brown hair and brown eyes and a pink hair band. Beautiful dolls with unique faces. I would love to have one or two..... They are affordably priced at 24.95 or there about depending on your store. My daughter has a Madame Alexander in this same style but a much earlier model and not this line. She is well made and sturdy for play. Maybe not as quality as the American Girl Doll she has, but really comparable. Better than some of the others out there. Well, happy doll shopping. :)


UPDATE:
Last year Madame Alexander came out with another 18" doll line called Mia Bella. They came in about 4-5 different dolls, African American and Caucasion. Cute dolls. They are marketed at Toys R Us, this year, and include a large variety of dolls including Asian American and Hispanic.  It is a different set of dolls than the WalMart ones, but still Madame Alexandar. You can see them at the Toys R Us link. They are currently selling for 19.95 and usually run 29.95. My Grandma told me she saw the add and she took the add to Walmart and they gave her the price on the Walmart dolls. :) She said they also have clothing there, different ones than at Walmart. :) Thanks Grandma!

older child adoption

I have had a lot of people ask about adopting kids who are older than baby age.  And about attachment issues with kids who adopted in Ethiopia.  I have replied with various thoughts, but today on one of the yahoo groups I am on (CAFEKids) there was the most excellent post on this very topic.  Kelli Denman replied to this question with ALL the things I have thought of and mentioned in various ways, and she said it soooooo well. I asked her permission to post this here to help others as they decide what is best for their family regarding older child adoption and considering Ethiopia.
The question being answered was about attachment issues and older kids from Ethiopia in particular.
Thank you Kelli for allowing me to post your comments here.

From Kelli Denman:
Here's my unofficial take on this - these kids are usually (not always) cared for by parents/relatives until the parents/caregivers die or can no longer feed the child.  So the formative years for attachment - birth to 3 - there was usually the mom or close caregiver.  Once that bond has been established, it is easier for that child to bond again, whereas a child that never had that bond may be unable to completely bond.  Ever.  That goes against what some believe, but as a former foster parent of a RAD child, I had lots of training and did lots of research.  The physical synapses were not formed and the child may be incapable of remapping their brain.  But there's no way to know, so I guess it really doesn't matter.

Now in some cases these kids were on the streets from a very young age - I can think of a referral of an 18 mo old who was living with 4 & 5 yr old kids on the street - that one's a big, big red flag for attachment issues.

The best bet to reduce chances of RAD or permanent attachment issues (all children will have some attachment issues, because of their trauma, some may attach to everyone they see and others may fight attachment, but it's not a permanent thing) is to know the circumstances of the child's history.  The longer the child was in an orphanage, the higher the risk.  The younger the child was when going into the orphanage, the higher the risk.

We chose waiting children for that reason, after a yr of foster parenting a RAD child, I knew that was some place we didn't want to go again by choice.  Not that we wouldn't have that happen, but the risk was lesser.  Our boys were raised by their mom until they were placed in the orphanage, were there for nearly a yr.  As far as we can tell, they were cared for by their mom and loved and had no abuse.

But, there's never a guarantee.  If you have the resources in place, if you plan for the worst and hope for the best, then that's all you can do if you're willing to take a risk.  And there will be issues with your special needs child, because that child is more fragile.  I have a special needs kid too, and that was one of our worries and why we went with younger or same age as him (turned out one is older by a yr).

Why is ET different?  Well, in Russia there's a higher incidence of RAD for two major reasons - (a) fetal alcohol syndrome is high in Russia and that's another cause for RAD and (b) the children are not well cared for in many orphanages there, spend years languishing.  In China they have changed the way they do things so much there that the children have, in many instances, 1 nanny to 3 babies - it's better than being in their crib or tied to a potty chair all day, but that does still happen in smaller orphanages.  Again, the babies are abandoned as babies so they need to form that bond at the orphanage.

Besides RAD, be sure to think about predatory children.  You have lots of young ones in your house and there can be such a thing as a predatory 5  yr old who preys on younger and older children.  Be sure you know the signs, the symptoms, ways to safeguard your existing children, etc.  Make sure it's something you'd want to help a child thru if they'd been abused in the past.  Make sure you have access to adoption counselors, therapists.

You not only have one child who's at high risk for being abused, all of your kids are at high risk because of their ages, even if the sibling is younger.  While your heart is in the right place, be SURE that you are first protecting the children you have in your home. 

You already have a special needs child that requires extra attention, adopting two children at once can be extremely challenging, even if they are siblings.  You have lots of bonding and attachment things to do even if they have little to no bonding issues, it's still a process that requires time and energy and focus on the one child, seemingly to leaving out the other children (but it must be done, one on one, with the new child).  Do you have the time, energy and resources right now to do this?  I'm not questioning your ability, just making sure you are working with your head as well as your heart.  :)

I am by no means trying to discourage you or anyone else from adopting.  But I have seen people rush in with their hearts and to the detriment of the children they adopt, are not prepared for the possibilities.  If you are prepared, are willing to trust God that He will get you thru whatever lies ahead - then go for it.  If the worst case scenario happens - God has a plan.  Trust it.  If it doesn't, God had a plan.  Trust it.

And to also think about regular childhood issues, personalities.  For me, THAT was the biggest challenge.  I went from one quiet, plays by himself boy to 3 noisy, wild, all-boy boys who love to test the boundaries and love to take things apart and see how they work.  no attachment problems, no real behavior issues, but 3 boys are, wow, they are tough!  We were prepared for the "other" stuff, we weren't (or I wasn't) prepared for the "regular stuff" of boys tackling each other, putting mud in their hair, etc.  I should have spent some time with someone else's 3 boys to get a clue of what i was in for.  :)

Kelli

Book resources:
Toddler Adoption, the Weaver's Craft  we have read this one and it was very helpful
Parenting your adopted older child
Our own: adopting an older child
Older Child Adoption

Blogs of other families who have adopted "older" and truly older kids:
Choosing to Follow
A Bushel and a Peck

On line resources:
http://www.thelaboroflove.com/articles/adopting-an-older-child-pros-and-cons/
http://www.ehow.com/older-adoption/

video from another family with many of our photos (used by permission)

A family from our same agency made a video for their church about adoption featuring Sele Enat. Anne asked for photos from many of us and she used a lot of ours. Here is the video if you want to see it. I am again reminded of HOW truly small our boys were just one year ago.
WOW!

Choosing an Agency, be careful

This post is a follow up on choosing an agency.
I am not going to tell you that these agencies here are all bad. Other families had good experiences with them. But, I am going to say, get your facts. Search the internet for reports from families who have used the agencies you are thinking about using. Search the UNICEF site, news casts, etc.... Be a critical consumer.

This is a link to an ABC news story about an agency with Christian in their name. An agency we thought about but felt uneasy with. We know numerous people who have happily used them. But the allegations here are that they have been "harvesting" children. This is a serious crime. When we were there there was a family with this agency at our guest house. They got a bogus story on their child's history and name meaning. Later I found out that the name meaning is really different. In fact, indicates a wanted child rather than one who is not as they were led to believe. This agency did not help them when they had embassy issues and the poor dad was really stuck. He made it home with his son, no thanks to the agency.

Another agency who's name includes "God" has been exposed in deceptively and deliberately placing a handicapped child into a home which had not been approved for a child with special needs. The child will be in a non communicative and vegetative state all his life. The family was not even approved for special needs. No compensation has yet been made. We looked at this agency and decided not to use them because we found four families who this had happen to them  in 2007 and 2008. There were others who felt the director was manipulative and unprofessional, they felt coerced. Again, there are many happy families out there who have used this agency. Obviously it is a small percentage of the families and children who are effected.

Under labels: adoption resources (to the right), i have a list of questions you can use to make your own list and links to sites to find out about agencies. It is well worth your time to check out the agencies. Don't just take their list of references, do your own research. Try to find unhappy families and decide on your own if this is right for you. Ok, some families made their own mistakes and blame the agency.... others just get mad about things that are not really worth being upset about. Others are upset because of things they can not control, like Ethiopian standards and time. Court dates not passing for legit. reasons, etc...... But, deception, child "harvesting", etc.... those things are just not acceptable.

Again, I KNOW there are a lot of families happy with these agencies. And, I also know that doing your homework is no real guarantee of avoiding similar situations. Things change in every agency and corrupt people seem to pop up when least expected. I felt this post was justified as the program has grown so much and there are so many people looking for answers.
This is a good list as a checklist for looking at agencies. This is a GREAT way to choose and filter your options. Click Here for the link.

where people get kids...and all about babies

Ok, the boys and I have had a few amusing conversations which I will relay to you so you can laugh like I did telling Dave about them.

We had met someone at a store who did not have any children. Of course if the boys get a chance to talk they ask if the person has kids and so found out that she did not.
Later:
K said to me, "Why she not have any kids?"
I said, well, some people just don't, that is not really anything we need to worry about.
N says, "She can go to Etopia and buy some!"
Me, "oh no, it is wrong to buy people. You buy things, but you should not buy people."
N "Well, you go to Etopia and pay money for us."
Me, "Oh no we did not! Adoption is very different. It is not ok to pay money for people. We did not buy you. We adopted you. In an adoption you pay money for a job done, like paperwork or visa or help with language, but not ever for children."

Another conversation:
The boys are questioning a visiting friend:
K "do you have kids?"
M " no, no I don't have any kids."
K "No, i mean do you have any boys like us?"
M "no, i don't have any little boys."
N "well, you can just go to Etopia and get some! Then you will have some."

Another conversation before bed:
K "mommy, do all boys come from Etopia?"
me " no some come from other places in the world and some come from the mommy they live with."
K "oh, did we come from you?"
me "No you grew in your Ethiopian mother and then she took care of you until she could not any more and she choose to help you find a new family to take care of you for the rest of your life. That is us. We adopted you. We love you so much!"
k "oh, what about Phoebe, Oliva, did they come from you?"
me "yes they did."
N "all girls come from mommy, all boys come from Etopia!"
No not really.....

this was a bit much to explain..... however, the next day N stated that he was going to grow up to be a mommy and his babies were going to come out of his tummy. Um, no...
me "you can be a daddy Nate, but only girls can be mommys."
N, "how do i get kids then?"
K "you get them from Etopia" (like, duh of course!)
Me, "well, you will need to find a lady who loves you and loves God and then you get married and she is your wife and then you can chose how you get your babies."

After that, N states in many situations and to many persons and when playing that he wants to grow up to have a wife!
K insists that we get a baby "because I loves them sooooo much. Why don't we have a baby? We can go to Etopia and get one. I will share my bed and my toys with her." (interesting that it is a her.) This kid loves babies! He ooggles at them, and tries to feed them and picks up things for them and says OH a cute baby! How cute, and things like that. He is defiantly a baby person. Hope he stays that way for a lucky future wife!

We saw cows yesterday. One nursing. They wanted to know all about that.
Did mommy feed them like that?
no, your Ethiopian mother fed you when you were a baby. It was good that she could take care of you when you were so small.
What about Phoebe, Oliva? (the ever present question).
me-yes, i fed them like that.
So, N lifts up his shirt and demonstrates how you turn it on and off like a machine. Such a boy.
No, not quite like that.........more like how the cows were drinking.
what about daddys, can daddys do that too for babies?
no, only mommy's can feed the baby like that.
K lifts up his shirt, "then why do i have them if they don't DO anything!?" The engineer.
Ummm.....(I don't know that!) that's just how God made people.

OK, hope you laughed as much as we did.

Hunger crisis in Ethiopia

Recently I was doing vocabulary with my 6th grader. Ok, i admit it, I LOVE vocabulary. I love to learn what words mean and make up sentences. So, I overwhelmed her, but it was fun. We had the word "remedy" V. to help out or fix a problem, to be the solution, n. to provide a solution to a medical problem.
"A remedy for the cold can be found in the medicine drawer."

Ok, so for the first one I got totally hung up on Plumpy Nut as a remedy for starvation in Ethiopia. I think it is fun to say Plumpy Nut and I think it is a good way to teach my kids the reality of the world. So, she ended up using one of those many sentences about Plumpy Nut on her vocabulary test. What a smart, aware kid, using big ideas like Plumpy Nut. Of course her brothers just came from this environment, so of course she is aware! :)
What is Plumpy Nut you ask? Well here is a story about it's use in Ethiopia, and another story about it being made in Ethiopia too. This helps the economy too.
Here are two recent articles in Time Magazine about Ethiopia's hunger crisis. And a video about it too.