Spring is here!-updated with a video clip

Well the snow is melting rapidly!!! The pond is full and the frogs are croaking. Today I re-dug ditches on the driveway for the melting snow to run off instead of make lots of mud. Fun fun fun. Actually I really do enjoy the physical work. I have more leveling to do once the snow on top is mostly gone. It is the best time to work that clay soil.
This afternoon the kids all went out to play after school and got into the pond. They floated around on an inner tube pushing them selves around with some ski poles. It looked like a lot of fun. Mud boots are a necessity around here. When I called them in for dinner they all needed showers before they could come in the house they were soooooo muddy. So, we had a late dinner. Sign of warmer weather. Our family "lives" outside when ever it is warm and we end up eating dinner around 7 because even mommy is so distracted by the lovely out of doors that she forgets to make dinner. :)

I was thinking about all the signs of happy childhood around our house. Upstairs there is a mess around the Barbie house all the time, cardboard food and clay dishes, tissue box beds and fabric scrap linens. What creative fun. Downstairs there are art things out all the time and blocks and cars. I find rocks and sticks everywhere. Outside there are bikes and scooters all over the place. Trucks and shovels in the sandbox. Right now there are mud boots and crocks everywhere. Dirt in the laundry room and a wash going most of the time. Windows open and doors banging with the coming and going of children. Laughter and joyful discovery at every turn. I remember my happy childhood with similar things. I am blessed to have four very happy children. And I love watching them play together.

Happy Spring! Summer is coming! I can not wait!

Book lists

This is a list of book lists (the * means that it is a particularly Christian book)

Please see the tab at the top of this blog called Books and Resources for a fuller list of Adoption and Ethiopia related books.

Parenting in general:
Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp*
How to really love your child Ross Campbell*
every single book by Cynthia Tobias such as You Can't Make me, but I might be persuaded*
Families where grace is in place by Jeff VanVonderen*
Heirs of the covenant by Susan Hunt*
Raising Maidens of Virtue by Stacy McDonald*

Adoption and race for parents:
The Connected Child by Karen Purvis YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK!
Toddler adoption the weaver's craft by Hopkins-Best
Taming the tiger while it is still a kitten by Nancy Thomas (the book is not particularly focused on Christians but I hear she is a Christian) I found this book to be a complimentary (the Deborah Gray's book) list of attachment signs to look for and practical ideas for attachment. It is more of a booklet. I do not know anything about her particular theory's as this book does not address that.
Attaching in adoption by Deborah Grey
I'm chocolate you're vanilla by Marguerite A. Wright
Before You were mine (on making a Christian life book)*
Twenty Things Adopted Kids wish their parents knew by Sherrie Eldridge

Adoption for kids:
Emma's Yucky Brother by Jean Little (not a yucky book but a yucky title that I don't favor. For siblings already in the home and pertaining to older child adoption).
Rosie's Family Lori Rosove
I love you like Crazy Cakes by Lewis
Horace by Holly Keller
Who are my real parents by D. L. Fuller
Welcome Home forever child by Christine Mitchell (older child adoption)
Little Miss Spider by David Kirk

Kids Books that talk about race or feature African American persons (because this is important in our family and they are just good books):
Colors come from God Just like me by Carolyn Forche*
Brown Like Me by Noelle Lamperti
Little Bill books by Bill Cosby
He's Got the Whole World in his hands by Kadir Nelson*
Jump at the Sun Bible classics they also make fairy tale classics*
I, Matthew Henson by Weatherford
By my brother's side by Tiki and Ronde Barber
You Can Do it! by Tony Dungy
Many books by Patricia Polacco
Any book adapted and/or illustrated by Rachel Isadora

Ethiopia:
There is no me without you by Melissa Fay Green
The sign and the seal by Graham Hancock

Ethiopia for kids:
Pulling the Lion's whiskers and other Ethiopian tales by Ashabranner and Davis
The storytellers beads by Jane Kurtz
Jane Kurtz books for kids -all of them
The Perfect Orange by Frank Araujo
Fire on the Mountain by Jane Kurtz

Aspergers:
Asperger's and Girls featuring Tony Attwood and Temple Grandin
Girls Under the Umbrella of Autism Spectrum Disorders By Lori Ernsperger and Danielle Wendel
Parenting Your Asperger Child by Alan Sohn and Cathy Grayson
Oasis guide to Asperger Syndrome by Bashe and Kirby

Aspergers for kids:
All Cat's Have Aspergers by Kathy Hoopmann (kids book)
I am Utterly Unique by Larson (kids book)
Brotherly Feelings by Sam Frender and Robin Schiffmiller (for siblings-kids book)
The Goodenoughs get in sync by Kranowitz (for kids)

Grief (for kids mainly):
Tear Soup by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DKlyen (this book is appropriate for ANYONE)
I'll Always love you by Hans Wilhelm


I love you books: Runaway bunny by Margaret Wise Brown
I love you through and through by Rossetti-Shustak
I love you because you're you by Liza Baker
The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn
No Matter What by Debi Gliori
Mama do you love me by Barbara M. Joosse
Don't forget that I love you by Anna Currey
Guess How much I love you by Sam McBratney

If you are interested in other book lists and reviews please see my book blog. http://wayfarerbooks.blogspot.com/

Also for updated book list go to the top tab section and click on books and resources.

snow

Well we just had a BIG spring snow storm. WOW! Olivia and I enjoyed a beautiful day at the zoo with her class Thursday. By the time we got back to school it was spitting snow and rain already. It was foggy and snowing when we got home. The "snow" at first was just this pellet stuff. Like the polymer beads in stuffed toys but like styrofoam. Weird. Then it really just dumped all night. Friday we had a lull and then more snow and all night. No school on Friday. The kids did get in some sledding! It snowed all day Sat. except for one hour in the afternoon. More outside time. Much of the night as well. Today we looked it over. We had a 3.5 foot drift in front of the garage and the trucks were completely drifted in and under. We had several other large drifts in various places as well. Mostly I think we got about 2. 5 feet if it just fell and did not melt with compaction so fast. Of course the wind picked up yesterday and that drifted and blew away some into other places. It is really pretty. Today it was hot. We were snowed in and could not get out in time for chruch. We spent about 3-4 hours doing snow removal. That is with two of us and a snow blower. The kids sledded and our neighbor boys came over to sled saying we have the best lot for it with the hills. :) The more the merrier. I think they had fun. The snow has melted so much today that when I just let Jigs out a few minuites ago there is only about a foot left in places and less in others. WOW! It will all be gone by Tuesday I bet. Yesterday Dave worked on trim in the house and fell on the steps outside and hurt his back. He is hurting today and lying low. Our friends could not come today due to illness and our snow problem. They will hopefully come next week. Anyway, we are glad for the BIG drink for the plants and trees and grass. Hoping for a green spring and summer. Weather forcasts say rain next weekend. Let's hope for it!

snapfish share?

Ok,
That did not work too well. Let's try it again. I just tried it and it works ONLY if you highlight, copy and paste into the browser at the top of your screen page. Do it in a new tab or window if you want to keep this one open. :) These are photos of our trips to Jubilee this winter.

http://www1.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=346032012/a=99075620_99075620/otsc=SHR/otsi=SALBlink/COBRAND_NAME=snapfish

Easter photos Snapfish trial

I am trying out a new way to share photos from my snapfish file. It is free and you can order photos right off it if you want to. This is of Easter. Try the cut and paste of this to see the photos.

http://www1.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=346036012/a=99075620_99075620/otsc=SHR/otsi=SALBlink/COBRAND_NAME=snapfish

What I think.........

We asked Phoebe and Olivia five questions, here are their answers.

1. What did you think adoption (or having brothers) would be like?

Phoebe: When I first heard we were going to adopt I was very excited. I was excited about getting two more siblings because then we could play more fun things. I didn't even remember that they were boys or that they did not speak English.

Olivia: When I heard that were were adopting I felt happy, worried, excited and cautious all at the same time. I didn't really know what to think.

2. How is it different than you thought?

Phoebe: Now that we have them, I have found that they are too little to play my kind of games and they are boys and boys don't play the kind of games I like to play. Their English is also sometimes frustrating.

Olivia: I did not know it would be so loud, I didn't know I could get so tired or headaches so much. It was the biggest change of my life and it will never go back to the normal I had before.

3. What do you think about adoption?

Phoebe: I think adoption is a good idea and people all over the world should do it, although some things are still frustrating. It is a good idea because all children deserve to have a good, loving family.

Olivia: I think it is a good thing because you help kids who don't have families and we can teach them about God.

4. What do you like about having brothers in our family?

Phoebe: Now I have someone who will play in the mud with me. They are enthusiastic about hide and seek. They are little so are still learning about hiding in different places. They are also good at wrestling.

Olivia: Though the boys can be boring sometimes, they are fun to play outside with. It is fun to play cars and dolls with them and building things.

5. What have you had to change in order to make the family work well with your new siblings?

Phoebe: I have had to be able to stand the noise of boys. I have had to work on patience with their English learning and age behaviors.

Olivia: I have to learn to not be so bossy and I am working on getting used to the noise of boys. I am trying to be kind and patient and loving.

As you can see Phoebe and Olivia did not really know what was about to hit them despite the intentional work Mom and Dad did to prepare them. You may feel the same way too. It is normal.

Keep in mind the thing that makes life work out well for you in your home and other places is your attitude. That may seem little but it is really big and it is up to you. Sometimes the biological kids in a family with adopted kids may feel like they should not have to change -I was here first- and it is the new sibling's fault for making life different and sometimes difficult. In truth it is all up to you and your own attitude. Most of the time your new sibling is just reacting to things in a way they learned before they came into your family and if you act angry or bossy with them they will most likely react in a negative way. Think about it, how would you react if someone was angry and bossy with you? If you are kind and thoughtful they will learn to be fun to be around. It won't happen right away, they need help to unlearn the reactions they came with and learn new ones that work better in life.
Try it out.
Give it time.
Check your attitude.

What to do while you wait for referral or court date

While you are waiting for your referral or court date there are a lot of things to do like decorating, name decisions, preparing any other kids in the home for the new siblings, etc.....
I would like to propose two things that we feel are very very important for you to do while you are waiting.
The first is to read all you can on grief and attachment. It is very important NO MATTER the age of your child. Even infants grieve and need help with attachments. I would suggest these books:
Attaching in adoption by Deborah Grey and
Taming the Tiger while it is still a kitten by Nancy Thomas
Click on either and you will get more information. Please keep in mind that I am not advocating any sort of bonding therapy. I am only saying what BOOKS were helpful for us.

The second thing I would suggest you do is find all the paper work for your validation. If you are in Colorado this is the link. Download it all. Fill in all you can and wait until you get home to fill in the name and date of birth for your child (things are often different on the adoption birth certificate than they were on the referral info). Get the fingerprint reports (FBI and state) and the child abuse record from your DHS from your adoption agency. When you get home all you have to do is fill the child's part in and send it.
Do the same for citizenship. If you want to change the name or date of birth you will need to do citizenship AFTER the validation on which you change these things.
You can also have the social security card papers ready to go too. (if you do not do the ss# right away you can do a temporary tax number if you have not completed the validation.

100 things about Ethiopia

100 things about Ethiopia (from another great adoptive mom)
1.One out of every 20 children born alive die in their first month of life

2. One out of ten die before reaching their first birthday

3.One out of six die before reaching their fifth birthday

4 There are 4.6 million orphans in Ethiopia

5. The median age in Ethiopia is 16

6. 1.5 million people in Ethiopia are infected with AIDS
Per capital, Ethiopia receives less aid than any country in Africa
Ethiopia is one of the few African countries never to lose its independence.

7. It is as large as France and Spain combined and has one of the richest histories on the African continent.

8. People
Ethiopia has a total population estimated at approximately 70 million and is home to more than 80 ethnic groups and a wide diversity of languages.

9. Religion
The major religions are Christianity (mainly Orthodox Church) and Islam

10. Amharic is the official language of Ethiopia some indigenous languages are Oromo, Tigrinya and Somal

11.The local currency is the Ethiopian Birr, which is made up of 100 cents

12. Ethiopian Calendar: the Julian Calendar, in which the year is divided into 12 months of 30 days each, and a 13th month of five days and six days during the leap year. The Ethiopian Calendar is almost eight years behind the Gregorian calendar.

13. 90 percent of the country’s residents earn their living as subsistence farmers. They grow just enough food to feed their families

14. Only 31 percent of children between the ages of 7 and 15 attend school.

15. Average Income $160 annually

16. Access to safe water 22%

17. Literacy rate 42%

18. Infant mortality rate 109/1000

19. Life expectancy 49

20. Wildlife is abundant in Ethiopia. It is home to monkeys, antelopes, hyenas, warthogs, and more than 100 types of birds. Elephants, lions, and giraffes live in some areas.

21. Homeland of Coffee

22. Coffee accounts for 50% of their exports

23. Ethiopian Birr (=$0.113)

24. Maternal mortality: 673 per 100,000 live births

25. Number of television stations: 1

26. Number of internet service providers: 1

27. Ethiopia borders Kenya, Somalia, Sudan, Eritrea and Djibouti

28. Ethiopians Celebrated the year 2000 (this September 2007)

29. Lucy is a 3.18 million-year-old fossil of an early ancestor of humans. She weighed about 60 pounds and stood erect around 3 feet.

30. the hottest place in the world is Dalol, Ethiopia with an average temperature of 94.3F/34.6c

31. Ethiopia is the 5th poorest country in the world

32. the ancient Ethiopian monarchy maintained its freedom from colonial rule, one exception being the Italian occupation of 1936-41

33. The national clothes are basically white, whether the shawls and light blankets worn over the shoulders by the men or the white dresses and wraps worn by the ladies

34. Meskal is a two-day festival at the end of September celebrating the Finding of the True Cross. Bonfires are lit and singing and dancing take place around them, while the priests don their full ceremonial regalia.

35. Timkat usually falls on the January 19, 12 days after Christmas according to the Julian calendar. It is a colorful three-day festival celebrating Epiphany and it is marked by the procession of the tabots (the replicas of the Ark of the Covenant, the original of which is said to be in the chapel at Axum) around the towns, draped in heavy embroidered materials.

Typical foods
36. Doro Alicha - mild Ethiopian chicken dish


37. Doro Wat - A spicy Ethiopian chicken dish

38. Tibs Wet - A very spicy (and fatty!) meat dish from Ethiopia

39. Injera Bread - A very simple recipe for injera, the pancake-spongy bread that accompanies Ethiopian food.

40. Spiced butter ((Niter Kebbeh))A recipe for clarified, herbed butter, a basic ingredient in Ethiopian cuisine

41. Berbere A red-pepper based spice mixture, used in Ethiopian dishes

Music
42. The krar are harps while another more fiddle-like instrument is known as masenko.

43. Kebaro Very common in popular and religious music is the kabaro or kebero. When the women and men dance in their beautiful white robes they dance on the rhythm of the drums

Grief
44. Upon the death of a family member, family would express their grief openly by crying loudly and beating their chests.

45. scrape a thorny fruit across their faces

46. Both women and men would usually shaved their heads and wore black clothing.

47. DAY 3: Family and friends once again visit the home of the deceased, bringing food and drink

48. DAYS 40, 80, 180: On each of these days after the death, family and friends will bring food and drink and gather at the church or grave site to memorialize the deceased. The food would include a container of injera (a very thin type of pita bread), a container of wot (a type of stew) and homemade bread. The priests would cut the bread and pass out to beggars and others at the church (deacons, other priests, etc.). It was considered a good thing to give food to the poor and "forgotten" in honor of the deceased.

49. ANNUALLY: On the annual date of the death, a memorial service such as the ones mentioned above took place, with food being brought to the church, shared with beggars, etc. If the family was affluent, they might have the ceremony at their home instead of at the church. After the first anniversary of the death, people usually stopped wearing black and allowed their hair to grow back.

50. THE SEVENTH YEAR: At the seventh anniversary of the death, a feast would be held at the church or, if affluent, at the home. A goat or other livestock would usually be butchered and homemade ale would be brought. The ceremony was like the others, but on a larger scale. This point seems to be the maximum for mourning; after this, the annual ceremonies cease.

51. Shoes should be removed before entering mosques and churches

52. Photographs should not be taken of military buildings and airports, and permission should be asked before photographing religious festivals and people.

53. Tourist hotels and restaurants usually add a 10% service charge to the bill. Otherwise tipping is fairly common, but only small amounts are customary.

54. The Great Run - Nov 18th (my birthday is an Ethiopian holiday)
It is not a religious holiday but a big running event among the biggest and first of its kind in Africa, held in the month of November every year.This event was pioneered by Haile G. Selassie, the greatest long distance runner in the world and most famous for his numerous athletic records. People of all ages numbering 25,000 or more participate in this great international event, counting it as a great joy and privilege to run with world class athletes.

55. Coffee ceremony
For the visitor a real and exotic experience will be to take part in this traditional coffee ceremony accompanied by freshly cut grass scattered on the ground, burning incense and coffee beans roasting in a pan.As the smoke rises you’ll be offered the delicious aroma, to draw toward you and inhale.The beans are then ground with a pestle and mortar and brewed with water in a pan. When it is finally ready, the coffee is served in tiny cups in three turns served with ‘Buna-kurse’ a small snack, usually popcorn is the other part of what is a beautiful ceremony.

56. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bk6zf6LTrng
Ethiopian Culture

57. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_T53SIU14Z0
Children Dying
58. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJp4QZZfLuc
We Will Never Forget

59. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3L8rZJcKd8
Ethiopia, A Closer Look at Ethiopian Adoption

60. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEnWk9kjZlU

"I Saw What I Saw"
61. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHpdrncqaBg
One Hope: A Story of Ethiopian Orphans

62. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zQYA6OgyuM
Africa Ophans - A Message From Rick Warren

63. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Re026MmrDz8
Silas' First Phone Call

64. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IOdD6V0iTc
Touching Ethiopia

65. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iA0yCv-3amY
Touching Ethiopia - Part Two

66. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKVTeigvaeA
Our Adoption from Ethiopia

67. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xyx_9qfsnIU
Mission Ethiopia

68. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OuoAuAjBEAE
2008 Mission Video: Planting in Ethiopia

69. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nEcl4E17S0
Ethiopia's Street Children

70. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bp7RlshPs9s
"Mesgana" Dancers 2007 Tour - Concert Interlude #2
71.
Hannas Orphan Home

72. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhvVnvSGntA
Addis Ababa - The Zone Activity Week - Part 01

73. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5o7yTjqiAE&feature=related
Addis Ababa - The Zone Activity Week - Part 02

74. Ethiopian market in SLC African Treasure Market located at 1532 South State, Salt Lake City, UT 84115.

75. Colorado heritage camp http://www.heritagecamps.org/afam.html

76. Ethiopian Camp http://www.africancradle.org/campfees.html

77. African Restaurant & Mini-Mart
1878 S Redwood Rd, Salt Lake City, UT 84104
Yahoo groups
78. adoptionhair_skincare
79. AHOPEforchildren
80. CAFEKids
81. Christian-International-Adoption
82. ethio-utah
83. EthiopiaAAR
84. EthiopiaAdopt
85. ethiopianadoptionconnections
86. single-adopt-ethiopia
87. UtahTransracialAdoption
88. WACAPETHIOPIANADOPTION

89. Ethiopia books http://www.amharickids.com/

90. Ethiopian Names Website
http://www.gaminggeeks.org/Resources/KateMonk/Africa/Eastern/Ethiopia.htm

91. Ethiopian Newspaper in English http://www.addisfortune.com/

92. http://ethiopiasfinest.com/ Fair trade coffee

93. http://www.abshirokids.com/ Music, books, kids games

94. Ethiopian embassy USA
http://www.ethiopianembassy.org/index.shtml

95. US embassy Addis Ababa
http://ethiopia.usembassy.gov/

96. http://wwwn.cdc.gov/travel/destinationEthiopia.aspx
CDC’s recommendations for travel

97. AHOPE
Website for AHOPE organization
http://www.ahopeforchildren.org/

98. Medical testing
http://www.fwcc.org/pediatricexam.html

99. http://www.fromhivtohome.org/

100. http://www.redletterscampaign.com/

Amharic word list for communication with your recently adopted child

Our most important Amharic words for communicating with our preschool age boys.

I love you-- ee-wha-de-halow (girl end in shal oh)
It’s ok honey -- Ishee eye-zoe
Don’t be afraid-- ah teh frah
These together are great for scary or sad times or bad dreams, etc…..
*Add “yay” to the end of the name for a term of endearment. Kedusyay, Natiyay, etc…. it is like saying Jilly or Sammy. They also use the "y" at the end like we do. It is an "i" as in Nati.

Ok-- ishee
It is time to go to sleep-- la ten ya
Go to sleep (command)-- ten ya
Night night-- mah Tah mah tah

No, don’t do that-- tdoe
Stop-- koom (girl koom ee)
Yes-- ow
Good child-- goe bez
Enough!-- Bakka
Wait-- Koi (girl koy ee)
Good job!-- Tih ROO sih RAH
That was bad, that is bad, it was a bad thing….-- Meht FOH
Good-- tih roo
Are you ok? -- Teh shah lekh (girl end in lesh)
Look -- ay (ay ee)
Sit down -- koach ah bel (sounds like “coach a bell”)
Come -- nah
Hello -- halo or seh lahm
Good bye -- chow
I’m sorry -- yih kir tah


Mommy-- amay (careful to use this word for birthmother and not myself) Lots of kids say Mommy also.
Daddy-- ahb-baba
Small-- tinish
Big -- tih lihk
Dog -- woosha
Cat -- dumet
Bird -- wuhf
Car-- mah kee nah
Ball -- kwas
Shoes -- chamahs
Clothes-- libs
Blanket -- bird libs
New -- addis (new clothes, mommy, etc…)

The word for potty --shent (also means to pee)
Poop -- kah kah
Brush teeth -- broosh

Juice-- chee mah key
Milk -- wha tet
Water -- whu ha

Delicious (it is good)-- yee tahf tahl
Do you want …?-- tih fuh lih GAHL ekh (boy) tih fuh lih GAHL esh (girl)
Bottle (even for water)-- TOO toh
A bad guy is (we did not use this one, but they DID)-- lay-bah

Questions to ask prospective adoption agencies

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It is important to select an agency that will not discriminate on the basis of your faith, schooling preferences, family size, etc…… We also found it important that they not ADD to the country requirements or show us good reasons for adding. I sorted through about 4 different lists from on line and added my own questions to the ones I took from the other lists. Here is that list. I also would strongly suggest doing a google search on the agency, country program coordinator and seeking out opinions of others. It shows a lot about a program. Be aware that one disgruntled client, even if it is not the agencies fault, will post multiple times as different id’s in as many places as possible, so check it out well. Everyone has at least one upset client. You have the right to answers to these questions and any others before you pay a dime. Many of the answers can be found on their web site or from prior clients. Fill in first and then use it as a test to see if they answer consistently. Asking questions represented on this list will narrow down your list of possible agencies. They will answer or make some excuse to not answer, require payment first, hang up on you, never get back to you, etc…. (all of those happened to me, and I was very polite). Only two out of 10 agencies were willing to answer all the questions and one failed a Google search miserably. We were very happy with our choice. Also check out the yahoo group Agency referral list. Use this list to create your own list.
Placement

• How many children did you place last year?
• How many children did you place from each of the programs in which I am interested?
• How long have you been placing children from each of the countries I’m interested in?

Timing

•( How soon after I apply will my home study begin? How long will it take to complete?)

When will I know if I have been approved?
• If I am not approved, can I find out why? Is there an appeal process?
• How long will it take from home study approval to the referral of a child? What happens if I don’t feel I can accept the child referred?

Time allowed to accept the referral?

Receive new referral?
• (For international adoptions) Once I accept a referral, how long until I travel to adopt my child?

• May siblings travel as well?
• How long has the process been taking?
• How are in country problems addressed?

Costs

• What will be the total cost of adopting through each program? Do you supply a breakdown of fees in writing as well as a schedule of when payments are due?
• Does the fee cover the home study, all post-placement visits, fees to the placing agency (international or in-country), international processing, transportation and miscellaneous fees (visa, dossier preparation, notarization, medical exams, document translation, exit tax)?

*Other expected costs estimated?

*Do we have to take large amounts of cash to country?
• Do you have an annual report that demonstrates fiscal accountability? How does the agency spend leftover funds? What percentage of the funds is spent on administration?

*Are the fees set once we sign or are the subject to increase?

If the fees increase is there an option for us to withdraw without penalty or to change programs with out penalty (transfer fees to new program)?

International Programs

• Do you have more than one foreign adoption program? Could I switch my application to another country if regulations change or a moratorium is declared?
• Are the international agencies you work with licensed in their own countries? How long have you worked with them?
• Are they part of your own agency?
• Do you help prepare clients for the adoption trip? Do you help make travel arrangements?
• Do you have bilingual representatives respected by the authorities in each foreign country to obtain or assist with the referral of a child? Will they be there to assist me through the process when I arrive?
• For sightseeing?
• Housing? Transportation?
• Do you provide financial assistance to the orphanages from which you place children?
• Pre adoption education? Post adoptive assistance?

·        Can I have a hand in choosing my child, or will I be “matched” with a child by you? 

·        What kind of information is available about children you place?  Will I see medical reports, photos, videos?  Will I learn about the child’s history prior to placement at the orphanage?

·        Have you, the director, met the children?  Will you have met my prospective child personally?  If not, on whose word are we relying about the condition of the child?

·        What is a typical time-line from the time I accept a child to completion of the process?

·        How does the timeline for baby-adoption compare to the timeline for older child adoption?

·        May I travel to meet my child before the process is complete?

·        May I travel to pick up my child or do I have the child escorted?  Which do you recommend?

·        Is it possible to adopt two or more unrelated children, or do you discourage it?

·        Is it possible to meet my child’s birth-relatives?  Does my child have a living parent?  (Adoption is legal after the loss of one parent.) 

·        What is the cost for an adoption of one or more children?  Are there hidden costs?  Will I be charged for foster care while my child awaits completion of the process?

·        What kind of post-adoption support does your agency offer?  If we have a difficult transition, will you be able to help me through it?  

Other Pertinent Questions

• Do you give clients a copy of their rights with their application form? Do you provide a contract that spells out my responsibilities toward the adoption as well as what you are responsible for?
• Is there a written policy of quality assurance that will address my concerns during the process?
• What kinds of support services do you offer before, during and after placement?
• What if the adoption doesn’t work out?
• What are your professional affiliations?

o       Do you run an agency list-serv – a forum for pre- and post-adoptive families to converse online?  If not, is there a way for your families to communicate with one another?

o       What is considered Special needs?

Is there a discount for such adoptions?

o Extra fees for 2 children?

o How many visits to the country are required? How long is the visit?

o Can you sight see during that time?

o What are your recommendations for home study agency?

o References for your agency?

o Hague accredited? State licensed in? Are you licensed in the country we seek to adopt? ( you need to see the licensing papers/certificate of each of these).

All agencies are not equal; they do not charge the same fees, they do not have the same transparency of process, they do not reply to clients' needs and questions with equal speed, they do not have uniformly competent and responsive staffs in the U.S. and abroad, they do not provide equivalent amounts of information on the children, and they do not demonstrate equal commitment to the devastating orphan crisis.

All international adoptions have murky aspects; in a land of no birth certificates and the plague of HIV/AIDS, it can be very difficult to get a clear history of a child; so part of your homework is determining how much uncertainty you can live with (if a child is 11 rather than 9, will that still work for your family?  How would you deal with a medical "surprise"?) Nevertheless, if an agency has a long track record of misinformation, you'd want to go with one with better access to or fidelity to reality.

1.  Is the agency licensed in the U.S. and in Ethiopia?  (check out the U.S. Dept. of State website... etc.)

2.  Are clients generally happy with the agency?  If they are unhappy, were they satisfied with the way the agency handled the problem and that constructive criticism led to a change for the future? 

3.  If there is public unhappiness with an agency, what is the source of it?  Do you sense that the truth is out there or that there is a spin campaign? Email communication can quickly lead to rumor-mongering and hyperbole; on the other hand, email can also lead to the revelation of problems.

4.  How closely involved are the agency personnel with the children available for adoption?  Does someone know the children personally, or is he or she relying on reports from people unconnected with the agency.?  Will you be told, about a child, "She's bright and happy" or "She is said to be bright and happy"?  Who from the agency knows the child personally and can give you accurate information? 

5.  What are the fees?  What is the timeline?  How do these compare with other agencies?  If the referral to travel time is 3, 4,5 times as long as other agencies report, ask why and be sure you are satisfied with the answer and can live with the wait.  Waiting for a referral is tough; waiting after the referral is torture. 

6.  What kinds of information (photos, medical records, school records, videos) are you being offered about older waiting children? Can you choose among the waiting children or are you be "matched" by the agency? Which approach appeals to you? 

7.  What kind of humanitarian work is the agency performing for the millions of children not being adopted?  If one agency's fees are, say, twice that of other agencies, where is that extra money going?  If another's fees are suspiciously low, what quality of care are children getting and what kinds of efforts does the agency make on behalf of children not available for adoption?

8.  What is an agency's approach to children who are HIV-positive or have other physical or emotional challenges?  What is an agency's commitment to older children in need of families? If an agency is offering nothing but healthy babies and plenty OF them, is this ethical adoption practice, given the unprecedented orphan crisis in the country? This would be a red flag.  If an agency refuses to process adoptions for HIV-positive children, now cleared by US immigration, what is that agency's excuse?  

9.   What does the agency do to support families considering a disruption?  Do they have a policy or are you on your own?  Critical information to know if you are adopting an older child in particular. 

10.  Can you be in open uncensored communication with other families who have adopted through your agency?  What do the already-adopted children say about the agency's facility in Addis? 

11.  If you travel, can you visit your child's care facility at will and communicate directly (with a translator of course) with the people most directly involved in his/her day to day care?  

12. Regarding the placement of children and communication with the adopting parents:

a. how long to referral after dossier? HIV testing procedure – will the child be referred to me with the results of the Elisa test (0ver 18 months) or the PCR test (important for under 18 months)? Will the child be referred with the medical AND social or without it? (Should be WITH both). If I or a doctor find information to be unusual will you have the child re-checked by the doctor in country? Will my concerns on the medical be addressed respectfully?

b. how long to court date after referral? Will we be notified the same day of the court decision?

c. how long to embassy date after court passed? How long before travel will we have to make flight and accommodation arrangements? 

d. after referral will we be given updated “progress” reports on our child(ren) such as social awareness and interaction, growth and development, personality? Do you have photos and such above info sent by other families traveling or by orphanage or adoption agency personnel? 

13. Can I have contact with the orphanage prior to adopting? Can a liaison of mine visit my child on my behalf?

14. If my child has a medical situation after we are matched and before we travel will I be notified? How long will you wait to inform me from medical event? 

15. What is your communication pattern with the in country representative? Are they available to answer specific information from adopting parents regarding the referred child?

16. How often are cases from your agency heard in the court of specific country? When is the US embassy appointments scheduled for? They should have a standing slot for US embassy and maybe the court as well. 

 ____________________

Other questions more related to specific adoption circumstances and preferences: 

1.     Will the agency work with you to get you to Ethiopia in order to visit the child prior to adoption so that he or she can come home on an IR-3 visa instead of an IR-4?  Either a one-off visit or arrange for you to arrive a day or so before the court date? 

2.     Will the agency facilitate meeting and ongoing communication with any of the child's remaining birth relatives?  If you do not want to meet the birth relatives, will the agency be supportive of that? 

3.     Will the agency provide a facilitator/translator to be with you as much as you want?  If you want to "go it alone" for chunks of time, will they be supportive?  If you absolutely do not want to be alone on the streets of Addis Ababa, will the translator be available to you whenever you need him or her?  Will the agency translator meet you at the airport and get you to your hotel or will you have to manage that on your own? 

4.     Does the agency have a compound on the grounds of the orphanage at which you can stay?  Does the agency put you up in a specific hotel?  Do you have to find and/or book a hotel on your own?  

5.     Especially with some of the newer and smaller programs, I'm likely to ask: If you only place 5/10/15/etc. children a year, what does your orphanage staff do with the other time?  Do you have orphanage staff?  Do they work for more than one agency?    

***Selecting an agency can be a life altering decision. The right agancy for your family is too important to be taken lightly but I think that most families should consider the following:

1. No agency that is not in compliance with the laws of the state of which it is licensed would remain licensed to complete adoptions. Reviews of the agencies and it's compliance is done on an annual or bi-annual schedule and those with substantiated complaints would either have their license terminated or be put on notice to comply within a short amount of time.

2.Every agency is subject to complaints in this highly emotional, costly process especially when you consider that the foreign side of International adoption is so difficult to monitor or control. All agencies do their best to have a program that is smooth and informative from the foreign side but in many cases there will be events out of their control, like closing either to shut down for a period or permanently some country programs.

3. Anyone who has ever gone into a sports store will find the walls lined with sneakers. Just because those purple and orange Nikes are not for you does not mean they will not be perfect for someone else. Agencies are the same. Some clients want to turn in their paperwork, send a check and be notified when the process is completed. Some will want to talk to someone 24/7 as a worry or concern comes to mind. These clients seem to forget that working within an agency is a job just like theirs and most of the case workers have families and like to have days off to rejuvenate. One occasion I have heard complaints from clients an these lists because their e-mail was not answered for 3 days but the clients failed to mention is was over a long weekend when they were home from work and had time and energy to send the e-mail and also to think and worry about those pressing questions they needed answered immediately. Be kind and considerate to your case worker. They are in many times devoted mothers and their /husbands need them to.

4.In some cases these lists become ways to slander agencies by people who would never consider them selves to be so unkind in their real world. I know of one recent case where the father lied on his application about his arrest record (he told of 1 DUI but forgot to mention the 2nd that sent him to jail or the Hit & run he or his wife were never really cleared of) He not only left out these details on his application to the agency but had prior to that lied on his home study. Guess what? USCIS rejected his family for international adoption based on his dishonesty and arrest record. The man is now suing the adoption agency for not completing his adoption in a timely fashion.

5. Another case was stopped just prior to issuing the immigration visas for 4 kids from Ethiopia when the mother & father were arrested for assault on each other. The agency and USCIS were concerned about the children's well-being in this family based on the arrest record. The family even took it to the State's Attorney in their state. After a year of counseling they went through another agency working in Ethiopia, brought home these kids and then disrupted at least 2. Slandering the agency for not allowing their adoption to be completed in a timely fashion was their outlet. Both of these clients filed negative stories on the Agency Referral List......

5. Post-placement follow-up. No matter which agency you choose, with any licensed to work in Ethiopia you will most likely have a positive experience, the most important piece of advice I can give you is to check and see how much support others have received post-adoptively. Ask for contacts of families who have children in their late teens or young adults. Not only can they advise you about issues today but can advise you on how much support they received after they adopted their kids. (From another woman) I am living in the US after 7 years in Ethiopia and I can tell you I receive calls every day from post-adoptive families seeking help. Teen years are especially difficult for adopted kids. Our foster care systems in the US are bulging with foreign adopted kids and in many cases the kids are relinquished because the families had no one to turn to when the problems first arose. It will become critical to your family to make sure you seek advice and assistance as soon as you see issues popping up. This is not a time to be shy or feel guilty for needing help...there is no shame in needing help...only in needing it and not asking for it.


A great site for checking out agencies and lots of good information for discerning what is right for your family.... click Here