How to Use This Blog

A Wayfarer is a person who is traveling through......life, a particular place, a circumstance, a stage of life, etc. Let's walk the road of adoption together. The journey is so much better with company!
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Much of this information is useful for any adoption, but this blog is designed to be a
RESOURCE BLOG for ETHIOPIAN ADOPTION.
I hope this blog will be helpful to you in your adoption whether you are considering, waiting or home. I started this blog when we were adopting and found there was next to nothing on the web in any orderly manner. I set about to collect information for myself and then for others. Now, there are more sites for resources, but still not much that brings it all together. I hope this blog will serve as a sort of clearing house for Ethiopian Adoption Information. Please feel free to contribute your knowledge through commenting.
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You can search by topic in three ways. 1. Go to the "key word" tabs on top and open pages of links in those topics. 2. Use the "labels list" in the side bar or 3. use the "search bar" above the labels list. You can also browse the blog by month and year in the Posts section or in any of the above as well. The sidebar links are to sites outside of this blog. While I feel they provide good information, I can not vouch for each site with an approval rating. Use your own discernment for each. If you have more to add to the topic, please add it in the comment section of that page or post.
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And, please link to The Wayfarer Adoption Blog by putting my button on
your blog so others can use this resource too. Please link to this blog when ever you can and whenever you re-post things (or images) you have found here. Thanks!
The solid tabs are links to my other blogs for books and family. Check them out if you are interested.
Welcome to the journey!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

sharing information and stories

Hi friends,
I got this from an online friend and she wants this shared everywhere. You can go to this blog and write your story. I like to share helpful information, as you see on my blog. You can share too on her blog if you would like to do so. Read below for details. As always if you have extra information you can share on any of my posts to make them better for others, PLEASE comment and leave more info for others reading here. Thanks!
Jill
 
Dear Friends,
 
As 2009 is coming to a close much quicker than I remember any year ending - my heart is very aware of the need for all who have been touched by adoption to share their stories.  To share what you learned from beginning to end - about your faith and how God grew you through this amazing experience.  How He provided the finances for your adoptions.  

Success stories that show God's faithfulness to provide.  His grace that is sufficient to meet your needs and how by it you were able to handle the challenges met once your child came home.  And is standing there with you each day.
 
These are just some of the ideas to get you thinking about how you can bless others even considering adoption:
 
Share what your wait was like - how you got through it.  Share how you chose your adoption agency and knew that God brought you to them so you could be matched with the child selected by God from before time even began.  Share your stories of how your child was not even ready for adoption until your dossier arrived in country.  Share what it was like upon meeting your child.  What was your time in country like and traveling home?  What is life like now with all the changes that have taken place to meet the needs of your child?  What resources have you found most helpful - books, DVD's, etc to prepare you for adoption?  What resources do you wish were available now that your child is home?
 
You don't have to share names.  You don't have to share dates.  You can do this all anonymously if you prefer. 
 
I pray you will join me in being a voice for the voiceless.  The more people hear the good, bad and even the ugly side of adoption in love and truth - the more people will be inspired to adopt.  The more families who can read our stories of success despite the years of challenges we have faced - from spiritual battles to emotional or physical the better we can stand side by side encouraging others facing the same things - sadly too many are doing it in secret and often alone!
 
Too many families (mom's mostly) feel like a failure when they have adopted - asked friends and family to help them raise money for an adoption only to come home and their world be turned upside down by the child they worked so hard to bring home.   For whatever reason they have not been supported and we as a body need to change that.  We can help them to stop believing the lies of this world and bring them the love they so desperately need to do the greatest job God could ever call any of us to do - parent the fatherless and too often forgotten.
 
Many of you have such beautiful success stories to share - especially those of you who have adopted toddlers and older children.  Please consider helping me to bring love where there is too much pain!
 
Happy New Year!  May God richly bless you and your families!
Jill Samter
ADOPTION IS FOREVER
http://adoptforever.blogspot.com

Monday, December 28, 2009

Birth in Ethiopia

In researching for my son's Life Book, I came across some interesting articles on birth and related topics in Ethiopia, etc..... You may be interested.
Blog with information on this: Choosing Life
Home Deliveries and untrained birth assistants
Nursing your baby for better health (Ethiopia)
Mother welfare and survival in childbirth
A study of medical and social practices
Child birth in rural Ethiopia  I would not recommend this site as a general one to read, but this article is interesting. Some errors, such as Coptic Church rather than the Ethiopian Orthodox church, but interesting information none the less.
Birth attendant training
Traditional medical practices in rural Ethiopia
Promoting safe motherhood
Birth registration promotion

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

2008 Christmas

Christmas letter from 2008. Because I could not figure out how to do this last year. This is the letter announcing the homecoming of our new sons! Most of the people who got this had NO IDEA we were adopting. What a shock. In fact the year before WE had no idea we were adopting in 2008 either. It all came about in half a year! What a blessing!

Merry Christmas letter

Merry Christmas. We just wanted to share our Christmas newsletter with you and I finally figured out how to get it from the computer to the blog. You can follow this link to see the newsletter if you are interested.  Our Annual Newsletter has been called the Wayfarer (after several corny versions of Khaliqi Chronicles and such) longer than we have had this blog, like maybe for 12 years or so......so welcome to the original Wayfarer, just in case you are new to it.
Our Christmas Letter for 2009
We hope your season is filled with hope, love, laughter and a light heart.

The Khaliqi's

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Bubby and Hana


Despite the snow at our house we were able to get out to have a most wonderful, once in a life time opportunity after church. Today we had the privilege of going to Denver to see the In country coordinator for IAN and his wife, who runs the orphanage IAN works with to place children in their forever homes. Our boys have fond, fond feelings and memories of these two. Bubby and Mommy is what they called them and now that they have a forever Mommy they are happy to call her Hana. They have asked to see them often in the last year. And today they got their chance. It was a sweet reunion. Everyone remembering one another and being so happy to see each other. It was fun to chat with friends in the process and friends I've only met on line, and our coordinator who helped to bring us our wonderful sons.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Reasonable expectations for your trip to Ethiopia

I just want to give you a little tip for travel preparation.  It is not my intention to be negative, however some may choose to take it that way.

I have lived in the third world before and so for me Ethiopia was not a big shock, but for the vast majority of families who will travel there to adopt, whether they have done so before in China, Guatemala, Vietnam, etc..... Ethiopia will be a shock.

You all know what I am talking about on the socio-economic scale, the poverty is huge, the starvation, the disease, the lack of everything. You have seen videos, you have seen other families photos, you have read news reports, etc. You might even have an idea about the dirt, the mud, the trash, the smells, the filth that is everywhere. The bumpy, unmaintained roads, the lack of road signs and street names making navigation difficult, the millions of metal shacks that many call home. The idea of time and schedules, the difference in climate, cultural norms. Be careful of the water and the food, etc. We all do the best we can to prepare ourselves for those things.  After all it is a third world country.

But, what you may not be prepared for is that in no way does America go with you to Ethiopia. Even if we try not to be, we are still American and the standards of our country are ingrained in us weather we expect it or not. No matter where you stay Ethiopia is not America and your standards will be assaulted. Unless you stay at the Hilton or Sheraton and do not get to have your child with you........ things will be on Ethiopian standard.  There is nothing wrong with Ethiopian standards.  It is all a matter of perspective. You have to know they are different. It is the same whenever you are in a new situation, it is good to know the standards/expectations of the other party, whether that is a friend, company or culture. There is nothing wrong with the other standards, what is wrong is when we drag ours in and expect theirs to be the same. It is important to be on the same page, hence this post. Just a few things to clarify the difference, so you can be on the same page as the amazing and wonderful country you are traveling to. You may not like this post, but it is not my intent to be idealistic. I am a realist. Make it to the end and you will see my love for Ethiopia.

At a guest house: the floors are all tile, sound travels. The walls are mostly plaster, the sound travels. The windows are not insulated, sound travels. It is not quiet there, ever. The beds are not comfortable, they are ET standard great, not American. The kitchen is half outside and looks nothing like any kitchen in the US. The plumbing is more than likely to leak, it just does. The shower is a 2'x2' square pan with open sides and a not so adequate curtain. I have seen several, they are all the same. The shower head is either too low or out of reach... sometimes it has to be held to use, not fixed to the wall. If you have a tub it may or may not have a shower head, but some of those are great, in comparison. The water, if heated on site, is on an individual electric water heater IN the shower. You have to turn it on prior to use. They sometimes don't work. It takes a long time to get things fixed. If it is not heated on site then the hot is variable and you never know when you will have it or not. The water sometimes goes out, in the middle of the shower, for a few hours. The pressure is variable and not predictable. More often than not you share a bath with other guests. Ours was accessed outside on a balcony, and shared with two rooms. The electricity goes out regularly and at random times. There is not a plentiful supply of internet connection, DSL is hard to find, dial up is unstable and you may or may not be able to get on. You really can't send photos. Skype works out well for some. The computer for use is public, so your time is short. You can not access blogs, but you can access facebook. Oh, the electricity goes out too, sometimes when you are in the middle of the second or third email you have been working on and re doing after other outages. In most guest houses there is no adequate place for children to play, at least like we may expect, the kids will think it is great. There are lots of others there. It is nice to be with other families and other kids too, but lack of family time and privacy can get to you after a while. And all that dirt outside, well, there is no way to keep it out, even the cleanest guest house will not be to an American standard of clean. It just is not possible. I am not saying it is not clean, I am just saying if you are used to a 4 or 5 star resorts, well it just isn't that. I am used to camping and it's sure cleaner than that! The food you will be served will be "American" when you are not indulging in the yummy Ethiopian fare. But nothing like anything American you have ever tasted. Ethiopian food is their specialty, and that is a treat to be sure and comfort for your kids if they are older. There is no Walmart, no Target, no McDonald's, picking up something you have forgotten or find would make your stay more comfortable is a large task. Some guest houses cater to the adoptive family and will go out of their way to help you, others don't. I over heard a discussion between two Ethiopian women when we were there. They were discussing the excessive needs of these Americans. Ok, the standard is different. You and I think it is no big deal to ask for new towels every day or every other day. You may not get new towels but once a week. But, this is a big deal to them. They have to be hand washed and air dried. In the winter it takes days to dry. It takes a lot of time. Everything is time intensive, washing the floor and cooking and shopping and laundry. It takes a lot of work and they work very hard to be hospitable and welcoming and clean and to provide all you need and I think they do a really great job. I'm not saying don't ask, I am saying expect the standards to be Ethiopian- maybe not quite like what you are used to. And, it is often difficult to find someone to help you out. If your guest house is not helpful, that is that.  I think mostly they are, ours sure was, but I have heard of some who were not.  Most agencies do not have staff there to do things for you. They only do the stuff directly related to the adoption. That is enough work in itself. Some agencies do have courtesy staff for families, but those are few.  In general if you think about a motel, like Motel 8 for example, the standards in Ethiopia will be lower. Like bed quality and the bathroom and the privacy will also be less. You will wake up to the call to worship, dogs barking in the night and your friendly neighbor's crying baby. In general Ethiopian standards will be The Hilton, for royalty. The guest house, for an ambassador, a wealthy person, but not royalty. You get the picture.

I know we think about this but I am not sure the reality or the extent of it really hits us until we are actually there. It is all a matter of perspective and a choice of attitude.  I know that if we focus on the fact we are there for our children then it is all manageable and the discomfort for us is thankfully temporary. You can do anything for a week! Just hoping to let you know a bit more of what to expect.  Soak it all in and enjoy your trip. It is a once in a lifetime opportunity to live and learn and be able to pass something of this wonderful place on to your precious children. Savor the call to worship, be thankful for the watchdogs barking in the night. Rejoice for your neighbor's baby who cries in the night because she has parents to love her. Know that though it is not your lifestyle, it is a life style that has significant meaning and purpose and it is wonderful in all it's differences.

Once you are home you will look back and remember the beautiful, sincere people. The amazing culture that has withstood so much. The strong people, the beautiful country. You will long for it in your soul. Which is good, you can give your son or daughter a sense of history from your heart.

Happy travels.
Jill

Another tid-bit from Matt a fellow IAN parent:
Ethiopia is an absolutely beautiful country, one that I hope to revisit in the future when our daughter is older. The people are so friendly and greatful for what they have, as well as so willing to share with you.
Some other things that I noticed:
- Kids begging in the streets was tough. Keep your coins in one pocket and hand those out when your approached by one child. Try not to hand money out to groups.
- Saw a lot of people "relieving" themselves on the street. However, once you realize they don't have a home to go to you start to understand why.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Salad Bowl of America

 The Beauty of Diversity
 
by Chief MSgt. Ret. Bob Vasquez
                                                                                                                                               
When most people think of October they think of Fall and Halloween. They are forgetting something very important about this month: Hispanic Heritage. The following article was written by my father who teaches Character at the Air Force Academy. Take a moment to read and enjoy the diversity that surrounds us every day. - Elyse White                                                          
 
Every year around this time I'm approached by people with the same question. "Hey, Chief," they say, "why do we have to have Hispanic Heritage Month? Aren't we all Americans?" 

I never argue that a bit, but there's more to it. I'm sure you know we celebrate African-American/Black History Month in February, Women's History Month in March, Asian-Pacific Month in May, Hispanic Heritage Month in September and October, and Native American Month in November. The purpose of those observances is to educate those of us who don't know a lot about those cultures and to acknowledge the contributions that those groups of people have made to our own American heritage.

When you ask yourself what it is that makes America great, you'll find the answer is diversity. If you'll look around you (go ahead, no one's watching) you'll notice that what we call America is made up of people from all kinds of cultures, from different parts of the country or the world.

We're all different, yet we're all the same. We share the same basic values that make us Americans. We're invested in making our country and the world a better place for all of us to live. We believe in a democratic system of government where the people have a say in what and how we live.

What makes America great is that although we have different and diverse needs and desires, we've been able to combine all those differences to form one very diverse, but unified, family that allows us to be ourselves and expects us to accept each other.

We used to talk about the American melting pot. An honorable idea, but I'm not sure it's attainable. Why? Because there is very little, if any, chance that we'll all "melt", that we'll all assimilate, that we'll all be the same, and I'm not so sure we all want to be the same. I think it was Gen. George Patton who said, "If two of us are thinking the same thing, we don't need one of us." There's a marked difference between thinking the same thing and thinking with the same purpose in mind.

The concept of the American Salad Bowl comes closer to describing the culture we live in. The illustration of the salad bowl describes a dish that, as a whole, is its own entity, delicious and healthy. What gives that dish its flavor and wholesomeness is all of the different ingredients that make it one. Each ingredient adds its own contribution to the whole. Any part of it that's missing will affect the end result.

Dr. Stephen Covey has said, "Unity is not sameness, it's complementariness." If we are to be united, we have to be willing to accept, appreciate and celebrate one another's differences.

As we celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month, join the fun. Get involved. You don't have to be of or know a lot about, the culture. You'll learn a lot and you'll find a kind of gratification you can't find elsewhere. The education you gain and the relationships you develop will make you better and they'll make America better.

Together, we can go forward.

Affording Adoption

 Few who desire to adopt can pay for it out of pocket. If you can not take a second loan or adoption loan here are some ideas for you. 


Many a church will be willing to donate from the deacons or mercy fund for orphans. More will be willing to allow you to hold a fund raising event at your church. Get with your Sunday School or small group and have a dinner or garage sale.

 

Here are some resources for funding an adoption. 

Financing Adoption:

Adoption Financing on Squidoo
Affording Adoption a list
Adoption Assistance - Cadman Foundation
adoption funding - adoption source mortgage adoption loans, credit based adoption loans
Adoption Fundraising - Raising Money to Pay for Adoption Costs and Expenses
Adoption Grant-Loan Application
Available Resources To Help Defray The Cost of Adoption
Gift of Adoption Fund
His Kids, Too! - A Christian Charity Impacting Ukrainian Orphans
Kingdom Kids Adoption Ministries - Home Page
Shaohannah's Hope
The Adoption Guide The Cost of Adoption
Ethiopia Adoption Blog, Ethiopia Adoption Blog - The cost of an adoption
Wiley, Morgan Parker Fund giving grants for international adoptions, out of date site but still funding.
Sea Of Faces Foundation grants for international adoptions
Both Hands Foundation
The ABBA fund
Lifesong for Orphans
Project Hopeful resources for families adopting HIV+ kids.
147 million

Here is a site that gives a data base of grant programs. Resources for Adoption.

Surely Not

(This was on another blog I follow, written by someone else....yet, well worth the ponder. Copied by permission from her blog.)

______________________________

Imagine with me for a minute…

Right now, today…

you are small and alone.

You are hungry and lost.

You have no home, no parents, and seemingly no future.

You are scared, and weak, from days without food. You have nowhere to go, nowhere to be.

People walk by you but they don’t even look your way. It’s like you are invisible, nothing.

You keep walking, your feet are bleeding and sore… and yet still you manage to cling to the small bit of hope, the little voice inside your head that says maybe, just maybe, one day things will get better. Maybe one day -you will matter.

It is getting dark outside- inside your fear is growing. Where will you go?

Your heart is beating faster, and your fear becomes overwhelming, consuming your every thought. Then you see it, a dirty, broken cardboard box and you bow your head thanking God for His provision. For you have found it- shelter. Safety, if only for one night.

You slip underneath it, hugging yourself, vowing once again not to cry- because by now you know tears are a waste of your strength. Your eyes become heavy, despite the sweltering temperature. As you begin to drift off to sleep you pray, hoping, dreaming, of a family of your own one day...of a place where you will matter...to someone.

Somewhere else in the world is a family...

They are just sitting down to dinner together.They are smiling and their laughter fills the room.

Dinner is served and they bow their heads and they pray- thanking God for their many blessings… their home, their job, the food that is set before them.They lift their heads and go back to the laughter and the joy.

They talk of their upcoming vacation plans, the lunch date they shared with a friend today and the movie they plan to see this coming weekend.

More laughter, more excitement, more. As the leftovers are scraped into the garbage can and the table is cleaned up, hot bubble bathes are taken by all.

Evening settles in, and the family slips under their down comforters preparing for a good night's sleep.

Before turning out the lights, the husband leans over to kiss his wife good-night. She shyly smiles at him and begins to tell him that she has been feeling that perhaps God is calling them to adopt.

The room grows quiet as they are both lost in their own thoughts…

their minds are flooded with questions, concern, and then inevitably -fear.

How could they manage?
Another child?
Why, they already have two!
Where would they put the child?
Who would share a room?
How could they afford to adopt?
Would they be able to take that vacation?
What would people think?
What if the child, you know, caused ‘problems’?

As their eyelids become heavy, they begin to drift off to sleep...
and they think to themselves ‘surely not’.

Surely God knows this is not convenient.
Surely God wants them to take that vacation they deserve...
Surely he knows how busy they are.
They have plans and they have dreams.
As sleep overcomes them, the temperature in their master bedroom is perfect…
and their pillows are fluffed to perfection.

Life is good for them, just as they had planned...
Because after all, they matter...
Too much...

to themselves.



Tuesday, October 27, 2009

One Year Home--well a bit more than that really

ONE YEAR HOME:

The boys had a round of immunizations on Monday, (a delayed start due to snow and ice. :)
One of them is just the wimp of all wimps when it comes to these things. He screams and then limps around moaning for a few days. Ok, it hurts in the muscle after, but NOT THAT BAD.  And yes, I give them the pain killer for kids.


We are thrilled that K has gained in weight and height so that now he is in the middle upper of his range for his age! He came to us quite not even on the charts. N has gained also but did not have as much to catch up to and being younger is just smaller. However he is giardia free and both are ring worm free. These two things took about a year to clear up. We are so thankful for their health and beautiful attachment and bonding. WOW! What a blessing. Ok, I am not going to say perfect, because, after all, there is no such thing and no matter what we do all our kids will have some sort of issue...... that's life and we accept it. But, wow they are doing great. Look at their photos just above here when they were in ET, this was taken in July, only weeks before we picked them up. They are the boys in the middle K in pink and N in blue with stripes. This would have been about a year and a half ago.  And the photo just a few weeks ago proudly wearing Bronco style, K on the left and N on the right. K has had the most dramatic change on the outside, but N is not to be left behind, his inner change has been wonderfully dramatic as well!
Amazing.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Arriving in Ethioipia, visa, etc

Hannah posted this on our group site. It is great info. I think a lot of it is scattered here and there on this blog, but this is more concise and therefore helpful. Thanks Hannah!

Here is the information we used when traveling (from KC and Jill K.) with notes added from us.

Get off the plane in Addis Ababa as quickly as possible and go right downstairs into the VISA line just to the right of the stairs. Have your passports and hotel/guest house address ready.
Visas cost $20.00 each in American Dollars, exact change, crisp bills, and bills newer than 2003 is appreciated and helps move the process along. (Note: If the VISA office is notified of the correct number of passengers arriving they will have enough people there to move the line. In our case they were not and there were 3 people to process several families. Though 3 sounds like a lot it is not as all 3 work on 1 VISA at a time and everything is hand written. When they saw it was taking quite a while they were so sweet to get my daughter and I chairs for us to sit.) There is a bathroom under the stairs, bring your own toilet paper. (Note: Traveling with small children I would try to go on the plane before de-boarding! )Get in line for immigration with all of your documents as soon as you leave the visa line. Stay in the middle line. The line to the left is for Diplomats and to the right is for Ethiopians.
(Note: There is a card to fill in for each person entering the country. We began to fill it out and then the lady at the window just finished it up for us. If you just go to the window maybe they will fill them out for you.)You can/should exchange money after you pass through the immigration station.
The bank has windows inside and outside of the immigration area. You will need your passport
number for this and any time you exchange money with a bank (Note: This was very relaxed and I think much better than trying to travel in country to exchange money. With 2 sick boys we were very glad we had exchanged our money here.)Keep your receipt (the bigger one that you sign) when you exchange money at the airport or you can't change birr back to US dollars when you leave or just leave
money as a donation. Do not exchange money on the street. Collect your luggage and put it on a free
cart. Decline help from the “porters” i.e. DO NOT let anyone bully you into
taking your bags and loading them on a cart, unless you are interested in help and willing to tip them. (Note: Declining is not a one time, "No thank you.", to put it mildly. We would not have minded tipping but on our return trip we were actually charged and it was a hefty price, per bag, even for US standards. If traveling alone you will need to use their services, just be prepared to pay.  I think I remembered paying about $10 US it was a fixed price. It is per bag something like $3 per bag--not worth it in my opinion--JK). You may have to show your luggage ‘receipts’ from the airline to airport workers before they let you leave the area
with your bags. A customs agent (or someone) will ask you about declaring money before you leave the airport. Once outside the baggage area there will be a large number of people with signs to pick up guests. Find your driver (IAN staff should be picking you up to take you to your Guest House unless you have arranged otherwise. --JK) (Note: Our experience here was CRAZY, but unlikely to happen again, but next time we travel we will have our driver secured before travel.--H) Once you are at the hotel call the IAN staff to let them know.  Confirm your return flights as soon as you  arrive in Ethiopia or within a day or two. (You can do this at the Hilton Hotel--JK). Ask your hotel or guest home to help you do that.
From Matt (IAN Parent): 
If you are arriving at night and you have a window seat, once you enter Northern Ethiopia start looking out the window. Ethiopia is home to one of only 4 or 5 active lava flows in the world and you can see it at night really easy, pretty dang cool.
Upon arrival in Addis I had to go through customs, buy my visa, exchange money, not too bad. Remember that there is really only 1 flight that leaves/arrives at a time so it's never really that busy. Being 6' 6" I was able to stretch out my stride and beat a vast majority of people to the visa line, but even if you are last in line it's probably just another 20-30 minutes. It's probably best to exchange money at the airport, really easy. I exchanged some at a bank as well, not hard, but about 3 different steps and windows to go to before completion.
Once I exited customs my driver (Ayela) from New Flower met me at door with a sign and took my bags. You get introduced to the poverty right after exiting the airport as about 3-4 guys try to help you with your bags in the parking lot in hopes of getting a few Birr.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Another great doll

Ok, for those of you, who like me are a bit doll crazy..... I realize that is a narrow crowd. :)



I was at Walmart today and looking to see if the new Disney princess was out yet, and I saw the most wonderful doll for such a good price. You can find some of them listed at the Madame Alexander link here these are labeled Favorite Friends.  Madame Alexander has marketed a doll line at Walmart ( Being a collector of MA dolls, I have mixed feelings on this) it is called Friends 4 Ever, the exact same dolls as the Favorite Friends dolls on their site. They are 18" dolls and look the same size as the American Girl dolls. They have the cutest modest clothing on and for sale next to them. They made an African American doll, an Asian one, a Hispanic one and then the regular blond (two versions both with blue eyes), brunette (light and dark both with brown eyes) and red head (with green eyes). I LOVE them. My favorites are the African American and Asian dolls and the one with light brown hair and brown eyes and a pink hair band. Beautiful dolls with unique faces. I would love to have one or two..... They are affordably priced at 24.95 or there about depending on your store. My daughter has a Madame Alexander in this same style but a much earlier model and not this line. She is well made and sturdy for play. Maybe not as quality as the American Girl Doll she has, but really comparable. Better than some of the others out there. Well, happy doll shopping. :)


UPDATE:
Last year Madame Alexander came out with another 18" doll line called Mia Bella. They came in about 4-5 different dolls, African American and Caucasion. Cute dolls. They are marketed at Toys R Us, this year, and include a large variety of dolls including Asian American and Hispanic.  It is a different set of dolls than the WalMart ones, but still Madame Alexandar. You can see them at the Toys R Us link. They are currently selling for 19.95 and usually run 29.95. My Grandma told me she saw the add and she took the add to Walmart and they gave her the price on the Walmart dolls. :) She said they also have clothing there, different ones than at Walmart. :) Thanks Grandma!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

older child adoption

I have had a lot of people ask about adopting kids who are older than baby age.  And about attachment issues with kids who adopted in Ethiopia.  I have replied with various thoughts, but today on one of the yahoo groups I am on (CAFEKids) there was the most excellent post on this very topic.  Kelli Denman replied to this question with ALL the things I have thought of and mentioned in various ways, and she said it soooooo well. I asked her permission to post this here to help others as they decide what is best for their family regarding older child adoption and considering Ethiopia.
The question being answered was about attachment issues and older kids from Ethiopia in particular.
Thank you Kelli for allowing me to post your comments here.

From Kelli Denman:
Here's my unofficial take on this - these kids are usually (not always) cared for by parents/relatives until the parents/caregivers die or can no longer feed the child.  So the formative years for attachment - birth to 3 - there was usually the mom or close caregiver.  Once that bond has been established, it is easier for that child to bond again, whereas a child that never had that bond may be unable to completely bond.  Ever.  That goes against what some believe, but as a former foster parent of a RAD child, I had lots of training and did lots of research.  The physical synapses were not formed and the child may be incapable of remapping their brain.  But there's no way to know, so I guess it really doesn't matter.

Now in some cases these kids were on the streets from a very young age - I can think of a referral of an 18 mo old who was living with 4 & 5 yr old kids on the street - that one's a big, big red flag for attachment issues.

The best bet to reduce chances of RAD or permanent attachment issues (all children will have some attachment issues, because of their trauma, some may attach to everyone they see and others may fight attachment, but it's not a permanent thing) is to know the circumstances of the child's history.  The longer the child was in an orphanage, the higher the risk.  The younger the child was when going into the orphanage, the higher the risk.

We chose waiting children for that reason, after a yr of foster parenting a RAD child, I knew that was some place we didn't want to go again by choice.  Not that we wouldn't have that happen, but the risk was lesser.  Our boys were raised by their mom until they were placed in the orphanage, were there for nearly a yr.  As far as we can tell, they were cared for by their mom and loved and had no abuse.

But, there's never a guarantee.  If you have the resources in place, if you plan for the worst and hope for the best, then that's all you can do if you're willing to take a risk.  And there will be issues with your special needs child, because that child is more fragile.  I have a special needs kid too, and that was one of our worries and why we went with younger or same age as him (turned out one is older by a yr).

Why is ET different?  Well, in Russia there's a higher incidence of RAD for two major reasons - (a) fetal alcohol syndrome is high in Russia and that's another cause for RAD and (b) the children are not well cared for in many orphanages there, spend years languishing.  In China they have changed the way they do things so much there that the children have, in many instances, 1 nanny to 3 babies - it's better than being in their crib or tied to a potty chair all day, but that does still happen in smaller orphanages.  Again, the babies are abandoned as babies so they need to form that bond at the orphanage.

Besides RAD, be sure to think about predatory children.  You have lots of young ones in your house and there can be such a thing as a predatory 5  yr old who preys on younger and older children.  Be sure you know the signs, the symptoms, ways to safeguard your existing children, etc.  Make sure it's something you'd want to help a child thru if they'd been abused in the past.  Make sure you have access to adoption counselors, therapists.

You not only have one child who's at high risk for being abused, all of your kids are at high risk because of their ages, even if the sibling is younger.  While your heart is in the right place, be SURE that you are first protecting the children you have in your home. 

You already have a special needs child that requires extra attention, adopting two children at once can be extremely challenging, even if they are siblings.  You have lots of bonding and attachment things to do even if they have little to no bonding issues, it's still a process that requires time and energy and focus on the one child, seemingly to leaving out the other children (but it must be done, one on one, with the new child).  Do you have the time, energy and resources right now to do this?  I'm not questioning your ability, just making sure you are working with your head as well as your heart.  :)

I am by no means trying to discourage you or anyone else from adopting.  But I have seen people rush in with their hearts and to the detriment of the children they adopt, are not prepared for the possibilities.  If you are prepared, are willing to trust God that He will get you thru whatever lies ahead - then go for it.  If the worst case scenario happens - God has a plan.  Trust it.  If it doesn't, God had a plan.  Trust it.

And to also think about regular childhood issues, personalities.  For me, THAT was the biggest challenge.  I went from one quiet, plays by himself boy to 3 noisy, wild, all-boy boys who love to test the boundaries and love to take things apart and see how they work.  no attachment problems, no real behavior issues, but 3 boys are, wow, they are tough!  We were prepared for the "other" stuff, we weren't (or I wasn't) prepared for the "regular stuff" of boys tackling each other, putting mud in their hair, etc.  I should have spent some time with someone else's 3 boys to get a clue of what i was in for.  :)

Kelli

Book resources:
Toddler Adoption, the Weaver's Craft  we have read this one and it was very helpful
Parenting your adopted older child
Our own: adopting an older child
Older Child Adoption

Blogs of other families who have adopted "older" and truly older kids:
Choosing to Follow
A Bushel and a Peck

On line resources:
http://www.thelaboroflove.com/articles/adopting-an-older-child-pros-and-cons/
http://www.ehow.com/older-adoption/

Thursday, September 17, 2009

video from another family with many of our photos (used by permission)

A family from our same agency made a video for their church about adoption featuring Sele Enat. Anne asked for photos from many of us and she used a lot of ours. Here is the video if you want to see it. I am again reminded of HOW truly small our boys were just one year ago.
WOW!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Choosing an Agency, be careful

This post is a follow up on choosing an agency.
I am not going to tell you that these agencies here are all bad. Other families had good experiences with them. But, I am going to say, get your facts. Search the internet for reports from families who have used the agencies you are thinking about using. Search the UNICEF site, news casts, etc.... Be a critical consumer.

This is a link to an ABC news story about an agency with Christian in their name. An agency we thought about but felt uneasy with. We know numerous people who have happily used them. But the allegations here are that they have been "harvesting" children. This is a serious crime. When we were there there was a family with this agency at our guest house. They got a bogus story on their child's history and name meaning. Later I found out that the name meaning is really different. In fact, indicates a wanted child rather than one who is not as they were led to believe. This agency did not help them when they had embassy issues and the poor dad was really stuck. He made it home with his son, no thanks to the agency.

Another agency who's name includes "God" has been exposed in deceptively and deliberately placing a handicapped child into a home which had not been approved for a child with special needs. The child will be in a non communicative and vegetative state all his life. The family was not even approved for special needs. No compensation has yet been made. We looked at this agency and decided not to use them because we found four families who this had happen to them  in 2007 and 2008. There were others who felt the director was manipulative and unprofessional, they felt coerced. Again, there are many happy families out there who have used this agency. Obviously it is a small percentage of the families and children who are effected.

Under labels: adoption resources (to the right), i have a list of questions you can use to make your own list and links to sites to find out about agencies. It is well worth your time to check out the agencies. Don't just take their list of references, do your own research. Try to find unhappy families and decide on your own if this is right for you. Ok, some families made their own mistakes and blame the agency.... others just get mad about things that are not really worth being upset about. Others are upset because of things they can not control, like Ethiopian standards and time. Court dates not passing for legit. reasons, etc...... But, deception, child "harvesting", etc.... those things are just not acceptable.

Again, I KNOW there are a lot of families happy with these agencies. And, I also know that doing your homework is no real guarantee of avoiding similar situations. Things change in every agency and corrupt people seem to pop up when least expected. I felt this post was justified as the program has grown so much and there are so many people looking for answers.
This is a good list as a checklist for looking at agencies. This is a GREAT way to choose and filter your options. Click Here for the link.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

where people get kids...and all about babies

Ok, the boys and I have had a few amusing conversations which I will relay to you so you can laugh like I did telling Dave about them.

We had met someone at a store who did not have any children. Of course if the boys get a chance to talk they ask if the person has kids and so found out that she did not.
Later:
K said to me, "Why she not have any kids?"
I said, well, some people just don't, that is not really anything we need to worry about.
N says, "She can go to Etopia and buy some!"
Me, "oh no, it is wrong to buy people. You buy things, but you should not buy people."
N "Well, you go to Etopia and pay money for us."
Me, "Oh no we did not! Adoption is very different. It is not ok to pay money for people. We did not buy you. We adopted you. In an adoption you pay money for a job done, like paperwork or visa or help with language, but not ever for children."

Another conversation:
The boys are questioning a visiting friend:
K "do you have kids?"
M " no, no I don't have any kids."
K "No, i mean do you have any boys like us?"
M "no, i don't have any little boys."
N "well, you can just go to Etopia and get some! Then you will have some."

Another conversation before bed:
K "mommy, do all boys come from Etopia?"
me " no some come from other places in the world and some come from the mommy they live with."
K "oh, did we come from you?"
me "No you grew in your Ethiopian mother and then she took care of you until she could not any more and she choose to help you find a new family to take care of you for the rest of your life. That is us. We adopted you. We love you so much!"
k "oh, what about Phoebe, Oliva, did they come from you?"
me "yes they did."
N "all girls come from mommy, all boys come from Etopia!"
No not really.....

this was a bit much to explain..... however, the next day N stated that he was going to grow up to be a mommy and his babies were going to come out of his tummy. Um, no...
me "you can be a daddy Nate, but only girls can be mommys."
N, "how do i get kids then?"
K "you get them from Etopia" (like, duh of course!)
Me, "well, you will need to find a lady who loves you and loves God and then you get married and she is your wife and then you can chose how you get your babies."

After that, N states in many situations and to many persons and when playing that he wants to grow up to have a wife!
K insists that we get a baby "because I loves them sooooo much. Why don't we have a baby? We can go to Etopia and get one. I will share my bed and my toys with her." (interesting that it is a her.) This kid loves babies! He ooggles at them, and tries to feed them and picks up things for them and says OH a cute baby! How cute, and things like that. He is defiantly a baby person. Hope he stays that way for a lucky future wife!

We saw cows yesterday. One nursing. They wanted to know all about that.
Did mommy feed them like that?
no, your Ethiopian mother fed you when you were a baby. It was good that she could take care of you when you were so small.
What about Phoebe, Oliva? (the ever present question).
me-yes, i fed them like that.
So, N lifts up his shirt and demonstrates how you turn it on and off like a machine. Such a boy.
No, not quite like that.........more like how the cows were drinking.
what about daddys, can daddys do that too for babies?
no, only mommy's can feed the baby like that.
K lifts up his shirt, "then why do i have them if they don't DO anything!?" The engineer.
Ummm.....(I don't know that!) that's just how God made people.

OK, hope you laughed as much as we did.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Hunger crisis in Ethiopia

Recently I was doing vocabulary with my 6th grader. Ok, i admit it, I LOVE vocabulary. I love to learn what words mean and make up sentences. So, I overwhelmed her, but it was fun. We had the word "remedy" V. to help out or fix a problem, to be the solution, n. to provide a solution to a medical problem.
"A remedy for the cold can be found in the medicine drawer."

Ok, so for the first one I got totally hung up on Plumpy Nut as a remedy for starvation in Ethiopia. I think it is fun to say Plumpy Nut and I think it is a good way to teach my kids the reality of the world. So, she ended up using one of those many sentences about Plumpy Nut on her vocabulary test. What a smart, aware kid, using big ideas like Plumpy Nut. Of course her brothers just came from this environment, so of course she is aware! :)
What is Plumpy Nut you ask? Well here is a story about it's use in Ethiopia, and another story about it being made in Ethiopia too. This helps the economy too.
Here are two recent articles in Time Magazine about Ethiopia's hunger crisis. And a video about it too.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Adoption workshops local in Denver, CO

There have been a few people and agencies who try to post things here as comments or email me to ask if they can advertise on my blog. I have not really supported most of these efforts as they did not really fit here. But, this is an exception. I got a very polite email from a woman working on this conference and checked out the web site for it. It is legit and looks really informative. I can not endorse it because I have not been to it! :) But, it looks like great workshops. I am thinking if it would fit into my life......... hmmm.
Well, I know most reading this are involved in African adoptions, and this is put on by the Asian Pacific Development Center out of Denver. The adoption topic workshops can be chosen by the participant and so if you are just interested in the adoption topics not the Asian topics because you have African kid-o's then you can tailor it to your own needs, I would think there would be at least a few of you interested in both. It is $85 individual. I think that is a fair price for what they are offering. Check out the web site here, Journey of Asian Adoption: Building a Multi-cultural Family.

Just a little taste of what they are offering:

1C: The Trials and Tribulations of Adolescence and What Your Adopted Child Might Not Tell You

Adolescence can be a trying time for all children and parents. What special issues are key to understanding the mind of a growing adopted child? How does being adopted affect the developmental passage from youth to young adulthood? How does this passage differ for boys and girls? This workshop will also explore many developmental issues that may affect the whole family as a young multicultural adopted child develops, including sexuality, discrimination and attachment in the teen years. This workshop will help parents understand the “real” thoughts of adopted children as they journey through their teen years and beyond.

2A: Round-Table Sharing: What My Adoptive Child Has Taught Me

Adoptive parenthood can sometimes challenge parents to see the world a bit differently. This workshop will explore the ways our adopted children teach us about adoption and parenting. A trained therapist and parenting expert will facilitate the discussion that will include a panel of adoptive parents with children in different stages of development. The group will open the floor for discussion to hear questions on the minds of workshop participants.

3B: Evolving Identities in Adoption

What do adopted children, raised in multiracial families, need in order to grow up understanding their identities? A panel of young adopted adults will share their struggles and successes in their evolving identities and the middle ground they sometimes face when deciding where they belong. The panelists will discuss what helped their growth and how they have evolved and embraced their own identities. The workshop will also address the differences in identity development for males and females.

A special aspect of this workshop will include a discussion of emerging adult adoptees and the new adventures they may face as they venture off from family. More and more, when adopted children leave home, they come face-to-face with identity issues and discrimination and endeavor to create new support systems for themselves.

3C: Challenging Emotional Issues and Strengths of the Adoptive Child

It has been said that parenthood is one of the most challenging and rewarding jobs. This is not any different in parenting an adopted child. Sometimes parents may be faced with an adopted or biological child with emotional issues that require outside support and/or intervention. This workshop will help parents identify and discuss some of the emotional issues special to the adoptive family, including attachment and grief. A mental health care professional, with a specialization in treating adoptive families, will share resources and discuss the role the entire family plays in parenting an adoptive child with special emotional needs.



Sunday, August 23, 2009

Book review: children's: "I'd choose you"

I'd Choose You is a great book for kids by John Trent.
It tells about a kid who had a bad day and the parent encourages him by giving many instances when she would choose him over his friends to love and comfort and lift up. Very reassuring. Although it is not an adoption book and the parent and child are both grey elephants, it is a good theme for adopted kids, especially if the parent tells the child after the reading "I choose you too!". Great for any kid. Unfortunately it is out of print. We found our second hand.

cute Africa t-shirts for babies and toddlers

This family is selling t-shirts to raise money for Ethiopian orphan support and to help off set their Ethiopian adoption. Visit their site to see the cute shirt. Maybe you want one! :)
http://www.onechosen.org/default.asp
Jill

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

AAI Adoption Advocates International

I have been meaning to look this agency up again. They work with the orphanage our agency works with, Sele Enat. I have now met several people who have used them and love it. I think their web site has a wealth of information and is very helpful. Click the Ethiopia tab and search away....
shopping from Ethiopia, medical info, books, etc...
http://www.adoptionadvocates.org/about/about_aai.php#

looking for African American dolls

>If you are looking for some African American dolls, here are some good choices. I am a doll lover, so this was a fun thing for me to look up after someone posted a question looking for one. Maybe it will be helpful for others too. It is certainly not an end all be all list, but a good start.

The first ever African American Disney princess. Princess Tiana. You can buy them on Amazon already and the toddler doll is sooo cute. The "Barbie" style doll is great too. Amazon Princess Tiana, Amazon Princess Tiana Toddler.

Walmart has Madame Alexander 18" dolls, they are really cute and they have the African American one, an Asian one and a variety of Caucasian and Hispanic. These dolls have the NEW face. They are not available on line only in stores.

Toys R Us also has a line of Madame Alexander 18: dolls with an African American and Asian one. They do not have the new face.

Doll Market, page with lots of African American dolls, various styles baby to Barbie type, prices from $15 up. Lee Middleton doll for a good price. We have this one and love her.
Alexander on Doll Market. 18" play doll with curly black hair. They also have the NEW face dolls.

>doll at CostCo, friends forever dolls with book like American Girl dolls with book.

> http://www.kaplantoys.com/store/trans/productDetailForm.asp?CatID=2%257C0%257C0&PID=82032&Max=48&Seq=28&Page=3
> This one is a baby doll and is $31.
>
> http://www.blackdollscollector.com/ We have the Lee Middleton doll,
> she is WONDERFUL and worth the cost. We did find a discount,
> occasionally possible on line or in close out stores.
>
> http://www.paradisegalleries.com/product.aspx?guid=2e7712c3-1514-4579-aef1-9ba445ef11f0
> BIG toddler doll $44

> http://www.amazon.com/Gotz-GZ20823-Muffin-13-African-American/dp/B0014IMI0W/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1250544521&sr=8-2
> Gotz 13" doll $20

> http://www.amazon.com/Madame-Alexander-Girlz-African-American/dp/B001U5Z8SS/ref=sr_1_19?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1250544590&sr=1-19
> $60 Madame Alexander. I think she may be what you are looking for.
> VERY CUTE DOLL. I want one of these!!!!!!! I collect Madam's anyway. She is awesome.

> http://www.amazon.com/Lulu-Kenya-World-Collection-Starter/dp/B000X1ZNI0/ref=sr_1_95?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1250544786&sr=1-95
> stand alone big girl doll. $75 with book, Kenyan. Like American Girl dolls.

> http://www.amazon.com/Madame-Alexander-African-American-Doll-Exclusive/dp/B001NLQGA8/ref=sr_1_153?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1250544922&sr=1-153
> $58 not curly hair...... nice doll though, we have one like her. Costco may have this doll for less. They usually carry one like this, new every year.
>
> Maybe that will help.
>
>

Ok, on another note. I was looking for modest Barbie clothes and came up with a Barbie like doll marketed in Muslim countries. You can buy Fulla and her friends on line. I think she is really pretty. She has indoor clothes which are modern and modest. She has her outdoor clothes which consist of a long jacket like dress and her head scarf.  If she were less expensive I would be tempted to buy one for myself the doll junkie that I am. :)

If you are interested in cloth or rag dolls Pottery Barn has some cute ones.
doll
baby

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Colorado Springs get together

Host: Peter Hilts
Location:
Fox Run Park, Black Forest CO
2110 Stella Drive
Colorado Springs, CO 80921 US
View Map
When: Sunday, August 23, 4:00PM Add to my Outlook Calendar
Phone: 719-491-1255
In 1998, my wife Tracy and I adopted Worku, Lubaba, and Saada from Ethiopia. Adoption/parenting is a huge blessing for us, and one we love to share and may pursue again.

What would all of you think about forming a local partnership for those of us who have an interest in adopting from Ethiopia?

We are excited to invite you to the first gathering of friends who support adoption from Ethiopia. If you have adopted Ethiopian children, are hoping to adopt from Ethiopia, or have a heart for the children of Ethiopia, we would love to meet you and share stories.

This is a casual picnic with no menu or agenda, other than to meet, let our children meet, and see if we should gather again. We'll fire up a grill at about 5:00 so bring grilling foods if you like. Otherwise, just bring along a picnic dinner to share and some toys and field games to play.


We hope to see you there!

Peter and Tracy Hilts

Friday, July 31, 2009

Colorado Springs region Ethioipian adoption group

Hi all, If any of you reading this with Ethiopian kids, in process of an Ethiopian adoption or just thinking about adopting from Ethiopia would be interested in a COLORADO SPRINGS region group please let me know. An official list is being compiled for a get together. You can just comment here, please leave your email address. If you would rather you can email me with it at jillanddave@yahoo.com
Thanks!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

New book recommendation








This author just sent us this amazing book. We LOVE it..... along with her other works too. They are just right for our family. We also have and love Welcome Home Forever Child. Thanks!!!!

Family Day: Celebrating Ethan's Adoption Anniversary
by Christine Mitchell
Go to "Family Day:: Celebrating Ethan's Adoption Anniversary" page

Family Day: Celebrating Ethan’s Adoption Anniversary As 5-year-old Ethan and his family commemorate the first anniversary of his adoption, they reminisce about the joy and excitement of that special event. As the day progresses they pause to think about Ethan’s birth family and to look through his Lifebook. Along the way, Ethan’s curiosity leads to discussions which help him conclude that adoption is a wonderful way to build families. Praise for Family Day Family Day: Celebrating Ethan's Adoption Anniversary is a heartwarming and important addition to the fairly thin catalogue of literature for and about children and families experiencing foster care adoption. Ethan's joyful, yet curious approach to his special day brilliantly captures the feelings of foster care children wanting to be a part of an adopted family while also grieving the loss of their birth family. Ms. Mitchell's book provides a welcome support for children and adults alike, and should be in the hands of every family created or expanded through foster care adoption. Rita Soronen Executive Director Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption Family Day will open windows of communication for families who have adopted. The book explains why families might be motivated to adopt, how the process occurs, and the varied feelings associated with adoption. Some adopted children don't have the opportunity to interact with other adoptive families. This book will help to normalize adoption and its resulting permanent family relationships. Betsy Keefer, co-author with Jayne E. Schooler, Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past www.christine-mitchell.com

Friday, July 10, 2009

Validation

Yeah!!! We had our adoption hearing today to validate the foreign adoption of our boys. All went well and the judge was happy to change both names and birth dates for us. The courts usually hear not so happy cases in family court, so...... this was a joyous occasion and they said we are the highlight of the week. O Happy Day! We all got to bang the gavel to make it official. That was fun. Nate banged 3 times, everyone else just a conservative one time. Fitting to personality. :)

We celebrated by swimming after swim lessons, going to the hearing, then Josh and John's ice cream and then pizza at Fargos. What fun. We are all tired and piling into bed as fast as we can. The boys don't understand at all, but the photos from Gram and Grampa should help them have some memories of it later on.

Rejoice with us on this happy day.

Now for the birth certificate, citizenship and SS#. Does the paperwork ever end? I think by the time we get all this done it will be time to fill out college applications!! Just kidding! I hope to have it done by the year end. We will see.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Paperwork once you are home- validation-SS#, Citizenship

 Ok, I have been asked this question a lot of times now. I got great help from other moms home with their kids who have done all this. I am going to put in the way we are doing it and why along with the links to the paper work files.
1. Apply for a temporary adoption tax ID number (ATIN link for info and form) for each child. This is a good option if you will not have time to get the validation and SS# done before tax time. This option is only valid if you have NOT done the validation yet. It takes about 10 weeks so plan ahead. If you do not need to change any name or date of birth at validation then you can get a SS# with the Certificate of Citizenship (COC) that comes automatically for children entering the country on an IR3 visa (both parents met the child before court).


2. Apply for the validation of foreign adoption (also called re-adopt or finalization). (El Paso County COLORADO forms if you are in another state just look up your county or state government page and look for forms or information, then look for the word adoptions and then under that validation of foreign adoptions, this should come up with info for you). On this form you can also change your child's name. In many cases the child will not come home with the name you would like for him or her to have, and in many cases will not even have your last name. In many states you can also change the child's birth date if needed. See post on birth date change.  There are varying degrees of proof needed for this depending on your county and state. I would suggest doing this only if it is really needed. In Colorado, I added this to the form under the change of name. I also wrote a letter stating our reasons and attached the "proof" documents. It worked out just fine for us. If you do this first your child's name will be correct on all the rest of the official papers and you will not have to redo it. You have to do this before you can get the citizenship papers anyway. Get the fingerprint reports (FBI and state) and the child abuse record/clearance from your DHS from your adoption agency, ally need is the copies they have on file. Your window of time for them to remain valid is important. Get it done fast or you will need to renew them. That is ok and not too expensive, it just takes time. If you are waiting on age of child to change the birth date, you have time, do the fingerprints again and wait on them to come and your child's progress at the same time. The fee for this in CO is $168 (this is from 2010 and will go up with each year) per child if they are not biologically related, $168 if they are blood related and a $3 charge for each additional blood related child. After you validate the adoption your child WILL be a legal citizen however will still only have the green card, why I don't know. This process and paper does not prove your child's citizenship by parentage. So you have to file for the proof of citizenship.

**A few notes from our experience. *On the Report of Adoption put your child's name that you are changing it to, not their original name.

*** I do not know if you have to do the Validation if you came home on an IR3 Visa. They are already citizens. 

2b. *After your hearing you will walk the files over to the COURT records, not the county records, this is MOST likely in the same building you had your hearing in. We were actually told the county.... ha! *You can then buy some copies of the decree. They are $30-40 each (2010). This will be filed and sealed and you will have to have a court motion to open it again and so you need the copies as you will not be able to access this again with ease. *Then you wait for the letter in the mail from the state department that handles adoption birth certificates. For us that is in Denver. Then you send them the money and they send you the certificates. This gets you a state validation foreign birth certificate, which is useful and highly necessary. However, it states right on it that it is not proof of citizenship. In some instances it also can not be used as a proof of date of birth, identity because it is a certificate of foreign birth, so essentially they are still birth certificate-less.  It also says that it is just a certificate certifying foreign birth.... which is about as good as it gets if you don't have any clue when that precious child of yours was actually born. There is a fee here. In CO it is about $38 per child (2010). You can buy extra ones for a discount at this time. Sounds like a good idea. One for the lock box and one for use. Once you get the birth certificates you can file for proof of citizenship. Unlike the Validation you CAN order more of these at any time.

3. With the new two trip rule the process here has changed for most. If both parents (or single parent) has met the child BEFORE court and AFTER referral then your child will enter the US on an IR3 visa and will automatically receive citizenship and the Certificate of Citizenship for no extra fee. How nice. I understand that this comes within one to two months of entering the US with your child after adoption. The child will have their Ethiopian name and the adoptive father's name as middle name and then your last name.... mostly (2008-11). If you want to change names there is a fee in the neighborhood of $300 + or so to get a new Certificate of Citizenship with the name change on it. I think you can do a Date of Birth change with tons of proof on it at the same time. I do not know if you change their name and or date of birth on the Validation if that nullifies the COC or not. I expect it is traceable to them and still proof of citizenship. Getting that COC without the validation first is causing a great deal of complications for name changes and date of birth changes.

For those of you who adopted under the old policies or who have had to recieve a waiver and only one parent met your child prior to court then the following applies to you.
Apply for your child's citizenship papers. (USCIS forms and info and fact sheet on citizenship) You will need to fill out the N-600 and pay the $550 per child (2013, this will go up each year). They DO  NOT accept personal checks you will need a bank check or money order. Until you do this your child WILL NOT be able to prove the he or she is a citizen of the US. This means your kids entered on an IR-4 visa (meaning the court procedure declaring the child officially yours happened before you met them in Ethiopia). In addition my understanding of and experience with this is that you will not be able to do this until after you have filed for and received the validation of foreign adoption as the US does not consider the adoption full and final abroad for certain legalities that I do not understand. Even though it is, you still have to have this paper. You DO NOT have to apply for the green card, your child is a legal alien (you should have received a green care in the mail after returning to the US) until the validation of foreign adoption at which time they become a citizen but can't prove it, they keep the green card as their form of ID. If you come in to the States on IR-4 you will get the green card automatically. (Two trip families who both traveled for court: If you come in on IR 3 your child will be automatically a Naturalized Citizen and you get the COC.) If your child comes in on IR 4 -YOU MUST FILE FOR PROOF OF CITIZENSHIP, while your child is a citizen after the validation they can not prove it without this. This can get sticky after they turn 18. A passport should prove this, but there have been some issues with it for some.

Other notes on this process:
From USCIS "The USCIS has re-engineered its processing in order to streamline the production of Certificates of Citizenship for certain children adopted abroad. Streamlined processes have been developed for newly entering IR-3 children who are automatically U.S. Citizens when they arrive. These newly entering IR-3 children will receive Certificates of Citizenship within 45 days of their arrival instead of receiving a Permanent Resident Card and then filing the
N-600 for a Certificate. (Please see our Fact Sheet for additional information)" This is NOT for a child entering on IR4 visa. It later explains that you have to buy that proof if both parents did not meet the child before the foreign adoption.

4. SS#. (form and explanation of procedure) This is free!!!! Yippee!!! If you do this before the validation and or citizenship you will have to re do the name, if you are changing that. You can get a temporary # like a person on a work visa can get. You have to finalize it after the validation. Some offices will give you a hard time about it and will try to get you to have the cert. of cit. first and validation too. You don't have to do it this way, but we have opted to wait until last so that we have all the needed papers the first time through. We hope anyway. This also will not prove citizenship. If you go after validation but before Certificate of Citizenship or after *Certificate of Citizenship* this is what you need:
*US birth certificate (this is not going to do you any good as it is a mere formality and considered a "souvenir" paper as it is only a certificate saying your child was born in another country). Useless.
*US passport or *Certificate of Citizenship*
* my driver's license
*a filled out SS card application
*validation court decree

This should take 14 days. There is the possibility that they will have to verify your child's paperwork with USCIS and that will take an additional 14 days. We have that issue, likely because we changed the date of birth.

Notes on SS#:
While some have been refused a SS# based on not yet having the COC, you should be able to legally do this with a passport.

*“Your Social Security Number and Card,” available at:
http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10002.pdf*

* *Citizenship or immigration status: We can accept only certain
documents as proof
of U.S. citizenship. These include a U.S. birth certificate, U.S. consular
report of birth, U.S. passport, Certificate of Naturalization or Certificate
of Citizenship.

*“Proof of Citizenship / Naturalization,” available at:
http://www.socialsecurity.gov/hlp/isba/10/hlp-isba005-ctzn.htm***

We can accept most documents that show you were born in the U.S. If you are
a U.S. Citizen born outside the U.S., we need to see a document such as a:

  - U.S. consular report of birth,
  - U.S. passport,
  - Certificate of Naturalization, or
  - Certificate of Citizenship.

5. Some families get a passport (link form and procedure) for their kids right away.  :) We are not getting these until we plan to go abroad. Not anytime soon for us. See above note from SS administration.  This SHOULD prove citizenship, but has been problematic for many. Therefore, we are not going this route.To apply for the passport your child will need to have one of these documents. (this is from the US passport office) :

You can prove your US citizenship with one of the following:
  • Original Birth Certificate (if born in the United States);
  • or Old (undamaged) passport;
  • or Original Certificate of Citizenship or FS-240, DS-1350 ( if born outside the US );
  • or Original Certificate of Naturalization issued by the Immigration and Naturalization Office.

6. Return of Documents. forms here. This is how you get the papers back which you turned in at the airport immigration (sealed packet from the US embassy in Addis) when you came into the US with your child. It is called the G-884 Return of Original Documentation. It is FREE!



Notes on Citizenship:
*****:A word on Citizenship (Italics and bold mine. )

from the US gov. page
"U.S. CITIZENSHIP FOR AN ADOPTED CHILD It’s very important that you make sure your adopted child becomes a U.S. citizen. The Child Citizenship Act of 2000 was designed to make the citizenship acquisition process easier and eliminate extra steps and costs. Under the Child Citizenship Act, children adopted abroad can automatically acquire U.S. citizenship if:
1. At least one parent of the child is a U.S. citizen;
2. The child is under the age of 18;
3. The child is admitted to the United States as an immigrant for lawful permanent residence; and
4. The adoption is final. (re-adopt or validation is complete)

Because of the Child Citizenship Act, many (IR3) parents are no longer required to make a separate application for their children to be naturalized. If your adoption doesn’t meet these requirements, however, acquiring citizenship for your child will require an additional process and additional fees. If you postpone or even forget to file for your child’s naturalization, your child may have difficulty getting college scholarships, working legally, voting, et cetera. In some cases, your child might actually be subject to possible deportation. Make plans right away to protect your child’s future."
Page 31 | FROM A to Z

From the USCIS website:
"Children with IR-4 and IH-4 visas:
   - do not acquire automatic citizenship upon entry to the U.S., but
   instead become permanent residents.
   - will automatically receive a permanent resident card (green card).
   - will automatically acquire citizenship on the date of their adoption in
   United States, if the adoption occurs before the child’s 18th birthday."
USCIS site on this issue

"Permanent Residence (a "green card") grants the right to live in, leave and
reenter, and work in the U.S. It does not grant, for instance, the right to
vote in U.S. elections. Permanent Residence may be deemed abandoned if the
U.S. government believes that the permanent resident has not maintained
sufficient ties to the U.S. to demonstrate intent to keep it. It can also be
revoked if, for instance, the permanent resident commits certain crimes.

Citizenship includes all those rights, plus the right to vote and certain
other rights. Citizenship cannot be deemed abandoned even if the citizen
resides aborad for long periods of time without strong ties to the U.S. It
can be taken away, but normally only if the naturalized citizen can be
proven to have misrepresented something during the naturalization process
(or does something which could also cause removal of citizenship to a
U.S.-born citizen, such as fighting with a foreign army against the U.S.)"
http://www.reichimmigration.com/ImmigrationInfo/FAQs/PRvCitizenship.html 

My personal opinion note on this: It has been the experience of several families and on the advice of several agencies involved with adoptions as well as adoption lawyers, that it is imperative that you get the COC for your child. The passport will not prove citizenship in an official way before you validate the adoption in the US, because they are permanent residents, not citizens. It is debatable if it proves citizenship after the validation/finalization/readopt. I realize that the documents are not 100% clear on this issue, there is debate on this subject. However, I make this statement on the experience of so many others who I have read about and met on line finding out the hard way that they needed the COC. For the passport you pay for it every few years and after they are 18 they have to keep doing it, or they bear the burden of having to go through all the naturalization stuff that you could have spared them, they can not just get the COC after they are 18. You pay for the COC once-before they are 18. In the end the cost of the renewal of a passport and the risk of it lapsing and the burden of maintaining it after 18 is a far greater cost and risk than paying the $420 for the COC one time and never having to consider it again. You KNOW you have done the best thing for your child the first time.

When should I do this?
I would strongly suggest starting on this while you are waiting for the embassy date. You can download most of the forms to your computer and fill out what you can and get the name off the adoption birth certificate, etc. when you receive it. You will need the court adoption forms from Ethiopia. You can have the validation papers ready to go when you get home with a few add in's and that will be great being as tired as you will be when you get home. Sometimes, for older kids you need to wait a bit to see if their given age is off or not. Mostly it is, but if it needs changed is entirely up to you. In any case you have until they turn 18 to do this, of course I think it is best to get it done in the first two years home.

Legal information
Government page on International adoption
Inter Country adoptions A-Z
Adoption magazine guide to paperwork, clear and well laid out.
BAAS.org
http://www.legal-eaze.com/index_files/Page1946.htm
What ID do you need for what services or proofs? Check it out here.
http://www.coloradoidproject.org/RTF1.cfm?pagename=Resources
Article on why you should get the Certificate of Citizenship
http://www.ethicanet.org/
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