A word to the wise on groups, blogs and your privacy

This was just brought up on one of the groups I am on. It is not the first time and certainly not the last. Pre-adoptive parents join these groups to get information and support. They feel a sense of safety with these on line friends. Parents create blogs and post events in their adoption along with some very personal stuff. They want to share with others they love and care about like family and friends. They want to be helpful to adoptive parents coming along behind them looking for resources and answers. They want to get answers and encouragement when things are hard or frustrating. Good intentions. Good perspective. Good purpose. Sadly not all the members of these groups and followers of blogs are "friends" and not all are even adoptive or pre-adoptive parents. The truth is that there are some agencies who are unscrupulous and have "their people" on group sites and surfing blogs and facebook (etc) in order to look for "problems" with their families and to "defend" or control information regarding their own agency. They also use this as a recruiting tool. Many times they are in "spy" mode. That is to say they are not using their real name or are pretending to be an adoptive or pre adoptive parent. Some agencies are more notorious for this. Some agency reps are not in spy mode and are up front about their presence, this just seems more honest to me. Many groups do not allow anyone who works for an agency to be a member. Lots of people keep their blogs private before the adoption is final and many still after. Agency specific networks are often maintained by staff of the particular agency. Some are parent led but still have staff members as moderators. Some staff members are adoptive parents themselves and are on these boards or have helped to create them.  Others don't allow their own staff on the parent boards at all. Not all agencies are unscrupulous and not all will sneak around to learn stuff about you. Not all agencies have such a bad rep underground that they feel the need to control deceptively.  In fact, I think most don't. With all this in mind it is very important to be aware of this when posting. And, be careful which agency you do end up choosing. Unfortunate, but real.

researching adoption agencies
choosing an agency
questions to ask an adoption agency
how to choose an agency questionnaire 

Sesame Street:Song: I Love My Hair

this is darling!!!!!

Australia

Hi all,
I just looked at the maps and stats for my blog. There are tons of you all over the world. That is sooooo cool. Way beyond my wildest dreams.
Anyway, noticed that some of you are in Australia. I am going to Australia later this year. What do you recommend? We will be in Brisbane for a conference.

spam again

Ok, thought I had cured the spam issue. not so. Still working on it. Sorry.
Jill

sorry for the spam

I am sorry for the spam. If you follow this blog and get posts sent to you.... you have noted that my blog has been hacked. Hoping I have fixed it. Thanks to a reader for alerting me.
Jill

Adopting from Ethiopia?  I guess you are in good company as this article suggests you are joining thousands of prospective parents in your adoption journey http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39636986/ns/health-kids_and_parenting/

Looks like Ethiopia is soon to be the number one country, even ahead of China, in international adoptions. I am glad to see that this article also notes the strong efforts of Ethiopia in improving the orphan care in country as well as ethical standards in adoption. That is good PR.
Check it out.

Ten Questions for Parents Preparing to Adopt or Foster

Posted: 05 Oct 2010 07:40 AM PDT

This comes from Empowered to Connect (Karyn Purvis).
We (Empowered to Connect) are often asked what questions parents should consider as they make decisions and prepare to adopt or foster. Below is a list of ten questions that we believe will help parents better assess the journey that lies ahead. You can also download and print a pdf version of these questions.

Ten Questions for Parents Preparing to Adopt or Foster

We believe it is critically important that parents who are preparing to adopt or foster a child must be honest and realistic about the journey and the challenges that lie ahead. Just as Jesus in Luke 14 challenged those who would follow him to ‘count the cost,’ so too parents who respond to God’s call to adopt or foster must be willing to count the cost of the adoption journey and prepare to “lay down their lives” to love their child and help him or her become all that God intends.
The following questions are designed to help parents (and parents-to-be) begin to honestly assess the journey ahead…and what it will require. We encourage you to thoughtfully and prayerfully consider these questions. They are not meant to scare you or in any way discourage you from continuing on this amazing path. Instead, our desire is simply that these questions will point you toward the hope and help that you need to form a strong and lasting connection with your child as you faithfully follow God’s call in your life.

1. Are you willing to acknowledge and fully embrace your child’s history, including that which you know and that which you will likely never know?
2. Are you willing to accept that your child has been affected by his/her history, possibly in profound ways, and as a result that you will need to parent your child in a way that exhibits true compassion and promotes connection and healing?
3. Are you willing to parent differently than how you were parented, how you have parented in the past, or how your friends parent their children? Are you willing to “un-learn” certain parenting strategies and approaches that may not be effective with your child, even if you have used these strategies and approaches successfully with your other children in the past?
4. Are you willing to educate yourself, your parents, family and friends on an ongoing basis in order to promote understanding of your child’s needs and how best to meet those needs?
5. Are you willing to be misunderstood, criticized and even judged by others who do not understand your child’s history, the impacts of that history and how you have been called to love and connect with your child in order to help him/her heal and become all that God intends?
6. Are you prepared to advocate for your child’s needs, including at school, church, in extracurricular settings and otherwise, in order to create predictability and promote environments that enable your child to feel safe and allow him/her to succeed?
7. Are you willing to sacrifice your own convenience, expectations and desires in order to connect with your child and help him/her heal, even if that process is measured in years, not months?
8. Are you willing to fully embrace your child’s holistic needs, including his/her physical, emotional, relational and spiritual needs?
9. Are you willing to seek ongoing support and maintain long-term connections with others who understand your journey and the challenges that you face? Are you willing to intentionally seek and accept help when you encounter challenges with your child that you are not equipped to adequately deal with?
10. Are you willing to acknowledge that you as a parent bring a great deal to the equation when it comes to how your child will attach and connect? Are you willing to honestly examine (on an ongoing basis) your motivations and expectations relating to your adoption journey? Are you willing to look at your own past (including your past losses and trauma, both big and small) and consider how your past may impact your interactions with your child? Are you willing to consistently examine your role as parent as you experience challenges and difficulties along the journey?

As you read through the above questions, you may have concluded that some of the questions didn’t apply to you and your situation? That may be the case to some extent, as every adoption and foster care experience is unique. However, we encourage you to spend some time reading and talking with other experienced adoptive and foster parents about what you should realistically expect as you travel this journey. We find that parents sometimes start with less than accurate assumptions about how the adoption or foster care journey will unfold, and as a result they are more likely to form unrealistic expectations. We believe that these questions are helpful and instructive for all parents considering or pursuing adoption and foster care, and we hope that as you work through them they will lead you toward greater insight and understanding.