Behavior: is it adoption or is it age?

I just read a great article in Adoptive Families. (click here to read it). It is a common question for parents to wonder about their kids behavior. Is it adoption or is it age? Is my child extra whinny because she is 4 or because she is insecure about her family and belonging? Is my son aggressive because he feels left out of the sibling trio going to school or is it because he is adopted and reliving feelings of abandonment? Adoptive parents are often asking themselves this sort of question. Parenting adopted kids can be tricky with all the normal age and situational behaviors and adding in the ones touched by adoption. Well, this article addresses those concerns with professional and thoughtful answers. Go read it and be relieved. :)

In our house lately there has been a bunch of "i feel left out" sort of manipulative and angry behaviors. K started school and N feels left out, the only kid, of four, at home. We do school at home, it is just not the same. The fact that he is the youngest is highlighted in bold and he is not happy about that and is not about to go down alone. His efforts to take everyone down in the "feel sorry for me" or "try to make myself feel bigger" efforts is getting to everyone. We have taken steps to make him feel special and loved and included but that fact is, he is still the youngest child, the only one NOT in school. He is gradually coming to accept this and maybe it is "his lot in life" but we hope he will enjoy his time with mommy all to himself and find the benefits of being the youngest sibling. Maybe, in time. But for now, we will be glad he is getting used to it, albeit rather gradually.

Colorado Springs get together

If you live in the Colorado Springs area (or are visiting) you are invited to come to a get together for the Pikes Peak Africa Adopt Connection picnic. THIS Sunday October 3. We will meet at Fox Run Park in Black Forest (Northern El Paso County) around 12:30. Bring your own lunch. Contact me if you need more information.
Please also consider joining our LOCAL group on Google. http://groups.google.com/group/PikesPeakAfricaAdopt?hl=en

Thanks!
Jill

www.jkdcolorado.blogspot.com

Teeth

I would like to mention that in trying to determine the age of our children it has been mentioned that we could check the dental progress. We talked to the dentist about this and our very good pediatric dentist let us know that in most cases you can get within a few years of the correct age with dental exam. This is because kids get and loose teeth at an imperfect rate. That is no kid is the same. They have a 3 year flex for normal.
Well, I have also learned that in general people of African decent tend to get and loose teeth earlier than the European decent population. Asian decent persons tend to be later than the European decent population. Whether this holds true in your family is a matter of observation.

I don't have any hard facts on this. In our experience the dentist told us the 6 year molars were developing in our 3 year old (accurate age). He is now 5 and no 6 year molars have erupted yet. He did loose a tooth on the bottom at age 5. His first!  For the kids we know this is certainly early, but not totally unusual. It happens for some kids to loose a lot of teeth in Kindergarten and others wait until first or second grade. Some loose them gradually.
Teeth *usually* come out in the order they came in. I love that because it gives me a glimpse into his infancy that I missed out on.

Flash cards and communication

Communicating with your non English speaking child can be frustrating. We used a list of handy phrases in Amharic. See list here.
We also used home made picture cards to show the action or need. We included: drink, eat, potty, sleep, dress, play, sick, happy, sad, hug, etc..... we did not use them as much as we used the Amharic phrases. First we used them together, but as we learned the phrases better we did not need the cards. We wrote the Amharic phrase on the cards so that we could say it. Some families have found the cards to be really helpful. You can make them yourself with clip art or you can buy some or download them on this site.
http://www.eslflashcards.com/

I would mention that so called universal signs and signals still need to be learned and so some cards will not be self apparent. Some will, a picture of a child drinking is self apparent. But, a picture of a toilet may not be right away. Huh???? Well, most places the toilet is a pit in the ground. :) Does not look like our toilet.  So, some orientation will be needed but happens quickly. Do try to add the Amharic or Sidamic phrases so your child understands. 

new site for ethnic dolls of all sorts

WOW! A new site for ethnic dolls. This site has compiled and sells ethnic dolls made by Madame Alexander, Lee Middleton, Corolle, and other doll makers. There is a great selection and the prices are typical. Pop on over and check it out.
http://www.sleepysoft.com/site/480020/page/536565

Adoption Exchange articles/ adoption booklet/getting started/while you wait/ choosing an agency

I just got a great informative email from Adoption Exchange. It features articles for parents to be.
I am linking to their pages here for your convenience.

Steps to adoption
read about it, join adoption groups in your area, talk to other adoptive parents, choosing an agency, what kind of adoption is right for you............... 
Adoption booklet
PDF full of great information in depth from the above article. 
while you are waiting,
things to learn about: read about potential issues, attend adoption classes and seminars, locate and contact schools and what they provide, health care providers, mental health providers, parent support groups, etc.
choosing an agency tips for where to look for information, questions to ask and all about funding.

Resources for your email in box

If you do not get the email magazine from the following resources I would HIGHLY suggest you sign up. You can get the links below.

Adoptive Families
This comes to your regular curb side mail box and is not free. But the online is just as informative and so far has been free for me. :) Secular and moderate.

The Adoption Exchange
has a wealth of informative and helpful articles. I reference them a lot here. It is great! Secular and moderate.

Empowered to connect.
Is the site of Dr. Karen Purvis of the Connected Child. You get a lot of really great articles and resources as well as updates on free video of conference talks on adoption and attachment. Great resource. Moderate to Christian, but for everyone.

Rainbow Kids
This is a site with tons of great resources for your family. Sign up to get their e magazine. Secular and very moderate.

CASE Center for Adoption Support and Education
This one has good information and resources. Secular and left leaning.

National Adoption Day

2010 National Adoption Day
National Adoption Day is a collective effort to raise awareness for the 123,000 children in foster care waiting to find permanent, loving families. An unprecedented number of courts and communities across the nation will come together to finalize thousands of adoptions of children and to celebrate all families who adopt. Their website, has been updated for 2010 and is ready for you to register your events. Applicable events to register are: a day of finalizing adoptions in family court; a press conference for local media; a party or picnic celebrating families who have adopted children from foster care; an adoption fair with information about adoption and local community resources.

Please take a moment to register your event at: http://www.nationaladoptionday.org/get-involved

Wait No More
Focus On The Family is hosting its 3rd “Wait No More” conference in Colorado on September 18, 2010 at Grace Chapel, 8505 S. Valley Highway, Englewood, CO 80112. You'll hear more about the children who are waiting, the process of adoption from foster care and ways to support adoptive families. In addition, agency and county representatives will be on site to answer questions and help you get started.

For more information about this event, please visit their website I care about Orphans.

This is a great web resource and has a lot of information on it and helpful post by parents.

Hi
Just wanted to let you know about a new resource and partner. Adoption Experiences is a blog that is putting together people and experience to help each other. They have partnered/linked with The Wayfarer Ethiopian Adoption Resource Blog and are posting my posts over there as well. Hoping this will help more families out there. Go visit them. The Wayfarer on Adoption Experiences.

You can also click their button to the right in the side bar.

PBS airs three adoption related broadcasts

Watch the full episode. See more POV.