Things to do in Ethiopia, Desta Mender, Fistula Hospital

Just thought I would share a very special place that anyone would have time
to visit while in Ethiopia. I think it's so important to get out of Addis as
the majority of our kids don't come from the city, but the beautiful
countryside.

The Hamlin Fistula Hospital has a community on the outskirts of the city
where those with chronic, irreparable injuries can live and work. It's
called Desta Mender. They have recently opened a restaurant there and all
are encouraged to go on Saturdays and Sundays for lunch (and maybe other
times, but I'm not sure!). They have really yummy meat pies (like Chicken
pot pie) and quiches. All made with the veggies, etc... grown on their farm.
The women also make handicrafts and you can buy them there, which make for
meaningful souvenirs.

It is GORGEOUS and green farmland where they grow vegetables, have chickens,
etc... You eat outside over looking a pond and pasture. It's a GREAT escape
out of the pollution of Addis and I'm so glad I took my parents there to see
something outside of the city. I just posted one pic of the area you
overlook when you eat. A great place for the little ones to run around! And,
the women there LOVE to see the kids.

It's really close to the city, and I imagine safe to go to even with the
travel limitations of election time this summer.

I hope some of you go to check it out! Just tell your driver to take Ambo
Road out of the city. In about 10-15 km, you will see a sign for Desta
Mender on the left. You follow this road up and just tell the guards you are
eating at 'Juniper Cafe'.

Sara

Thank you Sara for letting me share! This is a truly great opportunity. Sounds like a fun outing. 

Researching adoption agencies

Since I wrote my first post on this, the internet has exploded with accessible information on this topic. Here are some sites that will help you research well the agencies that you are considering for your international adoption.
http://www.adoptico.com 
http://www.karensadoptionlinks.com/agency.html this site has links to MANY research groups and family sites rating their experience. Check it out.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Adoption_Agency_Research/
The Checklist, http://www.adoptionagencychecklist.com/gpage.html1.html  has great things to think about and ways to check out different agencies. 
http://www.scribd.com/doc/2974538/Adoption-Agency-Research-Questionnaire This is your essential guide. Print it out and use it for each agency. It is really great. Good information, good questions, good things to think about it. You can add to it all you want. 
http://www.ehow.com/how_2187657_choose-ethical-adoption-agency.html
http://ethiopia.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/how-do-we-choose-a-good-agency

Go have fun.

Other posts on choosing an agency:

Other posts on this topic:
Other sites
Be careful
Questions to ask

You might also like:

• Choosing an Agency, be careful
• Ethiopian Adoption Resouces
• Site links for adoption resources

More Life Books, Family storybook and adoption storybook

Adoption Book or Life Book, everywhere you look you find that you are being encouraged to give one  to your child.  What is it and how do you make one?

Pre-made:
Baby book for infant adopted child: 
My Family, My Journey: A Baby Book for Adoptive Families 
Our Chosen Child: How You Came To Us And The Growing Up Years

Books to guide you:

Before You Were Mine  
More adoption life book lists:
http://www.adoptionlifebooks.com/lifebooks.htm
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_18?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=adoption+life+books&sprefix=adoption+life+book

on line resources:
Amazon link to Adoption life books. Some are work books/pre-made and others are books to guide you. 

Digital life book kit
http://www.digital-scrapbook-kits.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=6&products_id=4

Life books for children and youth in foster care (adapt for adoption)
http://www.caseyfamilyservices.org/userfiles/pdf/bib-2009-lifebooks.pdf

On line Class on creating an adoption life book:
http://www.adoptionlearningpartners.org/lifebooks.cfm
Adoption Story book on line resource for making your own.
A personalized adoption storybook should be something that parents make before introducing it to their child. The point is to present their child with a personal storybook as if it’s a regular book that they have in their book collection. Together, you can sit and read through the book, ideally as often as the child wants to.

Family Story Book
A second use of the family storybook is to tell the story of how the family came to be. Unlike a lifebook, the focus of the family storybook is the whole family, including adults. It talks about the family growth by talking about each time a family member joined. While everyone's book will vary, such a family storybook might begin with a picture of the family home and a short introduction.

Adoption Life Book Q&A

"An Adoption Life Book is a record of a foster/adoptee’s life that uses words, photos, graphics, the child’s artwork, and memorabilia. An Adoption Life Book includes information about the child’s birth parents and reason for leaving them. It always starts at the child’s birth.  Plus the fun part of when the adopted child first joined the family.

An Adoption Life Book is more than a life story. It is a unique opportunity for parents to honor every minute of their children’s lives. It is the single most meaningful piece of "paperwork" that any social worker can complete. And foster parents? You can give an adoptee/foster child a sweet childhood memory.

Adoptive Families site has some articles on creating a lifebook. 

Adoption Connection article on creating a lifebook. 

Just one of the important questions this page answers:

Why is it beneficial to create a Lifebook for my child?
Looking at a Lifebook can help adopted children learn about their history.  Having a book to look at, read, and enjoy together can also be a catalyst for discussion between parent and child. Children can ask questions that are important to them and parents can address them with age-appropriate answers.  Some parents find that their child will want to read and look at their Lifebook every night before they go to sleep for six months and then suddenly decide to leave it on the bookshelf for a while before taking it down again for new discussion and insight.  The Lifebook can be kept in the child’s room to be looked at  alone if he or she wishes.

Of course you can also check out my digital life book template on my first lifebooks post. 

Hope this helps! Have fun.

Grant programs for post adoption expenses

Ok, you got all the funds in for the adoption. You found the funds for travel. You are home with your kids and WOW! there are still MORE fees! Where to you find that money? Well, if you have been doing the fundraising and grants and all that, you may already know about these, but just in case and if this is new to you..... here are two opportunities to apply for a grant that will give you those needed funds for post adoption expenses.

• Adoptive Families Program at The Adoption Exchange.  This is good for up to $250/child for post adoption services. Link to program.
• Sea of Faces Grant Program. Link.  Keep in mind that Sea of Faces allows families to apply up to six months after a child is home, so even if travel occurs quickly after receiving a referral, you are still eligible to apply.

Learning about adoption from a child's perspective

This is a Public Opinion piece from the Huffington Post. I really like the perspective this article takes and it is a good encouragement for us as adoptive parents to look through the eyes of our children. Great thoughts here. Enjoy. 

Sally Maslansky
Sally Maslanksy, MA, MFT is a Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice.
Posted: April 20, 2010 08:50 AM

Learning About Adoption From a Child's Perspective

In their beautiful book Everyday Blessings, The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting, Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn suggest we could learn a great deal from trying to imagine the world from our child's point of view (p.384). To this end, I would like you to imagine what the world might look like from the point of view of a 6 or 7 year old orphan.
Imagine what the world looks and feels like to a child taken from his mother at the age of 1 or 2. Imagine that no one has really prepared him in any way for this transition and there is no one he knows there to help comfort him during this process. Imagine a little deeper if you can at the impact of any possible abuse, neglect and drug or alcohol exposure.

Now imagine this child being taken to an orphanage full of strangers. Imagine the repercussions of spending the next 4 or 5 years in that orphanage. Having worked in an Eastern European orphanage, I can assure you that it is not a place in any way that promotes loving growth and development.
Children in orphanages have few opportunities to grow and develop in a healthy way. They have little if any consistent one-on-one loving attention. They often do not even have their own beds much less bedtime stories and rituals such as being tucked in, bath time, bubble baths or rubber duckies. They don't grow up in a house with a kitchen to watch mom cook dinner, help set the table or share in the important ritual of family meal times. They rarely have their own set of clothes or shoes -- and certainly few if any that fit properly. No special stuffed animal, no blankie, no family photos or albums, no special books with their names in them. Children in orphanages do not have the attention, love and nurturing so vital to healthy development. And this is all under the best of circumstances. This is assuming there is no abuse. Neglect is the nature of growing up in an orphanage.
Now imagine that one day a complete stranger arrives at the orphanage. She speaks a language the child has never heard. She spends a week or two with the child and then takes him from the orphanage to a plane and they take a long journey to a strange place with nothing that looks, sounds, feels, tastes or smells familiar. And she begins calling him a name he has never heard before.
More than likely in the entire 7 years of this child's life, no one has attempted to help him make any sense of all that has happened to him. What is expected though is for him to be happy, well adjusted, loving, affectionate, well behaved and perhaps even a little grateful. No one anywhere seems to have any understanding what is really going on in his inner world, and no one is able to understand the feelings of sadness, despair, hopelessness, loneliness or anger he may have.
Now, switching gears slightly, imagine you are the woman arriving at the orphanage to adopt this child. Most likely no one has given you much if any of this child's relevant history. No one has educated you about how early childhood development can be severely compromised by the kind of neglect, deprivation and emotional upheaval in this child's life. No one has advised you on what may be necessary to understand the experience of this child or to prepare you to be the parent of this child. There are most likely no follow-ups on how the adoption is going, no post-adoption support, no community awareness of the difficulties that may arise, and certainly no consequences for adoption agencies and orphanages who have in any way misrepresented the physical or mental health of the child you have made this long journey to adopt.
I believe that the recent situation of a mom in Tennessee returning her adopted child to Russia is the result of a complete failure of the adoption process both in the US and abroad. A 7-year-old child allegedly threatening violence and drawing pictures of his house being engulfed in flames are the desperate actions of a child begging for help. A mom putting her 7 year old child on a plane, alone with no support or explanation, and having a stranger pick him up on the other end only to take him back to an orphanage is also, I believe, a very desperate act. If any thing positive can come of this recent tragic incident, let's hope it is to begin a global open, honest, informed and collaborative conversation about the meaning, process, reality, needs and expectations of adoption. Adoption is an amazing and rewarding way to have a family. It is how I started mine and nothing has brought me more joy and happiness. Adoption does take a great deal more than
love and the desire to parent a child. Adoption truly does take a village - and a well-informed, open minded, accessible, educated village to be sure.

For Dad's only

I have just come across two great resources aimed specifically at Dad's (of traditional family) who are or have adopted.   It is awesome that Dad's are getting into this support each other thing. There are so many Dad specific topics that they discuss that have unique perspectives for Dad's vs for Mom's. Finance, how the family changes, how to deal with their wives through all this, how to relate to their new child. etc..... it is great.
Check it out:
Yahoo group




Blog for Dads 

Adopton friendly "where do babies come from" book -spiritually based

Ok, I wanted to find a book for my boys that talked about where babies come from and included adoption. I have really enjoyed a series the Navigators puts out but they don't include adoption really in the first few books for younger kids. So, the search began. There are some secular ones and if you know of any post it in the comments. But, I really wanted one that also reflects our faith. After much looking I found these two books by Jim Burns How God Makes Babies and the second book God Made Your Body. I really like them and they have photos of kids of all different colors. They both include adoption as how you get your family. The boys like the first one and we have read it several times.
I think this topic may come up earlier for adopted kids because of all the talk about birth families. Anyway, this is a good one.

Children's Growth Chart, Ethiopia

Just wanted to let you know I have found a GROWTH CHART for Ethiopian Children!!!!!! I posted into Google Docs and here is the link. You can print this off and use it for your children. Here it is below, but too small to use.
Jill

Empowered to Connect on line resource now available

Introducing Created To Connect Created To Connect: A Christian’s Guide to The Connected Child is designed to help illuminate the biblical principles that serve as the foundation for the philosophy and interventions detailed in The Connected Child. You can download a pdf file of the entire study guide or chapter-by-chapter. You can also receive email updates from Empowered To Connect about upcoming resources by completing the registration form on their site. And be sure to check out the online library full of other great resources. 

Please go to their web site to obtain access to these great resources and to sign up for their mailing list. What a great resource now available!

Adopting as Seasoned Parents

I get the opportunity to field questions from all sorts of pre adoptive parents. I am so fortunate to be able to do this, I love it.  There are lots of happy and hard things to consider when you are starting out on the adoption adventure.  It is important to consider both, maybe because happy is so easy to consider, it is more important to consider the hard things.  This is important because we all want to have a success story and we can not have one without addressing the hard parts of our child's life and the hard parts of adoption. With transparency and open honesty comes healing and success. This is true for all of life. Here are some of my thoughts for those of you who are adopting as seasoned parents:

The Plus Side :

• because you already have children you know what normal and abnormal child development looks like
  
• This may help you pick up subtle cues of attachment issues and head them off right away. 
• because you are a seasoned parent adding one more aspect, such as adoption parenting, may be no big deal.
  
• many parents have learned to be flexible by this time.
  
• you likely already know how to "read" a child for clues to how to best parent them.
• you have a routine and can incorporate your new child into that existing model with some alterations
  
• you may have more realistic expectations of children and family life
  
• you have a community structure in place already, child care, medical care, maybe even adoption support or counseling. You at least know other families who you could ask.
• you know this child will be different and can watch them for what sort of care they need. 
• you may already have intentional parenting down, this fits right in. 

Things to think about:

• Because you have other children in the home...............

you will not be able to devote all your energy to your newly adopted child (ren)
there will be division with siblings bio vs adopted (sometimes happens at various times)
you may be tempted to compare your new children with your bio children
you may be set in one mode of parenting and changing modes to include adoption parenting may be a bit stressful.
you can not form a home life structure that is tailor made to your adopted child's needs

• intentionality--something many parents with a bio infant don't think of until later, and now you have to think about it. This could be good for your other children as well, if it has not been your habit. 
• Parents often compare their children to when they were a child. While there seems to be a fondness in this it can actually hinder the individual development of the child as him or herself, especially an adopted child. 
• There are times when parents wonder if they have just ruined their bio children's lives by this adoption even though this is usually a passing and unnecessary thought, it comes up along with the accompanying guilt. 
• you are not able to be single focused on that new child and their attachment and development. It is more work, you have to deal with everyone else too. 
• because of the business of a household you may not pick up on the subtle cues of attachment issues your child is displaying.
• The reasons you adopted could play a factor in difficulty.
• unrealistic expectations of family life and siblings cooperation and love
• seasoned parents may be less flexible as they are already set in their parenting style and family structure. 
• often there is one child in the family already who has significant needs and will continue to take a lot of time and energy.

Suggestions:

• Read all you can about adoption parenting The Connected Child and attachment/bonding. 
• See if Love and Logic or Beyond Consequences could enhance your parenting style.
• be sure you are in an adoption group with others who can help you out when it is hard and give you good resources.
• share the joy of adoption with the children already in the home and prepare them for the hard things and lack of attention they will get for a few months. Plan for their activities to stay as normal as possible with the help of friends and family and for them to get attention from other safe and familiar friends and family.
• Decide on some basics of intentionality if you do not already do that
• know that you are a stranger to your new child and prepare nurturing activities to become fondly familiar. Grieve their loss and prepare to help them grieve.
• Be comfortable with the possibility that your adopted child could need significantly different education, activities, etc. than your bio kids.
• know signs of normal and abnormal behavior and signs of attachment and attachment issues. (I am talking about subtle cues and signs not the extreme ones, you get that in training).
• If you are adopting an older child, get familiar with the issues that could entail.
• plan to be home with your child as the main care giver for as close to a year as you can get.
• Be able to make educational and social choices that will give your adopted child individuality and not compare them or put them in unnecessary competition with other siblings. Separate grades, sports, etc. if needed.
• If you are adopting trans-racially, love may be color blind, but the world is not. Prepare for that, and prepare your family.

See post for Adopting as First Time Parents for the flip side of this post. :)

Adopting as First Time Parents

I get the opportunity to field questions from all sorts of pre adoptive parents. I am so fortunate to be able to do this, I love it.  There are lots of happy and hard things to consider when you are starting out on the adoption adventure.  It is important to consider both, maybe because happy is so easy to consider, it is more important to consider the hard things.  This is important because we all want to have a success story and we can not have one without addressing the hard parts of our child's life and the hard parts of adoption. With transparency and open honesty comes healing and success. This is true for all of life. Here are some of my thoughts for those of you who are adopting as first time parents:

The plus side:

• Because there are no other children in the home...............

you will be able to devote all your energy to your newly adopted child (ren)
there will be no division with siblings bio vs adopted (sometimes happens at various times)
you won't be hung up on comparing your new children with your bio children
you are not set in one mode of parenting and can learn new parenting with adoption in mind
you can form a home life structure that is tailor made to your adopted child's needs

• you have the opportunity to start out your parenting being intentional, something many parents with a bio infant don't think of until later, but you have to think about it right off the bat. 
• your child has the benefit of developing as their own person without the genetic comparisons of the parents. Parents often compare their bio-children to when they were a child or worry over their bio-children getting certain traits or hereditary maladies. While there seems to be a fondness in this it can actually hinder the individual development of the child as him or herself.
• There are times when parents wonder if they have just ruined their bio children's lives by this adoption and you never have to worry about that. 
• you are able to be single focused on that new child and their attachment and development. 

Things to Consider:

• because you do not have children you will need to educate yourself on normal and abnormal child development so that you can tune in to subtle cues of attachment issues and head them off right away. 
• you will have to learn to parent and face adoption and attachment issues all at the same time. 
• you will need to learn how to "read" a child for clues to how to best parent them.
• you may have your own grief to deal with 
• unrealistic expectations
• new parents are not usually all that flexible
• if you have never had an infant and you are adopting an older child you need to know how a child develops and what is normal and what is not. 
• the reasons you are adopting an older child will be a hindrance if you think it will be easier. 

Suggestions:

• Read all you can about child development
• volunteer in your church nursery or with friends who have kids your future children's ages
• get a good book for parenting. Love and Logic or Beyond Consequences are really great and really get that style down.
• Decide on some basics of intentionality 
• grieve your own losses and the losses of your future child
• read all you can on attachment and make your plan
• know signs of normal and abnormal behavior and signs of attachment and attachment issues. (I am talking about subtle cues and signs not the extreme ones, you get that in training).
• find a group who will support you, others with adopted kids. 
• plan to be home with your child as the main care giver for as close to a year as you can get. 
• If you are adopting an older child, get familiar with the issues that could entail.
  
• If you are adopting trans-racially, love may be color blind, but the world is not. Prepare for that, and prepare your family.

See post for Adopting as Seasoned Parents for the flip side of this post. :)

FMG corrective surgery for women sufferers

The hospital in Trinidad, CO famous for sx change operations has an unlikely solution for women who have suffered the mutilation of female circumcision.  See the article here. A blog post about it here.

The World Health Organization estimates that 100 million to 140 million women worldwide, but especially in northern and central Africa, have endured female genital mutilation, or FGM.
Usually done to girls before age 15, the practice involves at least slicing off part or all of the exposed clitoris. In some cultures, the cutting is more extensive, and disfiguring. It's done occasionally by health care practitioners but most often by an older female relative.

This Dr. is skilled in reconstructive surgery and has made a way for women to have this life changing surgery. 

Connecting with all your kids

This is a blog I love to read. With 11 kids you would think she has some answers and she DOES! This is a good post on what they do to spread the love with all their kids at different ages, stages and needs. Go check it out.

New Google Group

Hi,
If you are in the Pikes Peak region of Colorado there is a new Google Group just for you! Pop on over and join us at Pikes Peak Africa Adopt Connection PPAAC.  You can also click the link on the side bar to the right. :) Welcome.

Colorado Heritage Camps - African/Caribbean Heritage Camp

African/Caribbean Heritage Camp -click for link July 22nd - 25th 2010 in Denver, CO 2010 Directors: Morgan Richards and Bette Kidane “African/Caribbean Heritage Camp was about letting our children (and our whole family) be a part of something, of finding a place of belonging, and being so supported by everyone (other kids, families, and those awesome counselors!)” - ACHC Parent Comment African/Caribbean Heritage Camp (ACHC) celebrates its 12th year in 2010 and remains one of the only camps of its kind in the country. This year's camp theme is "Living Transracially: It's not Black or White." The mission of this camp is to celebrate the heritage of all adopted children of the African Diaspora. Our children hale from the United States, Africa and the Caribbean. We may be viewed outside our community as families of black and white people together, with no immediate understanding of our blended cultures and heritage. Our 2010 camp and presenters will help us explore the unique gifts and the challenges that come with our mostly transracial adoptive families and how we can inspire others to see our families differently, hopefully beyond color. Colorado Heritage Camps developed ACHC for families who adopted: African American and bi-racial children African children (from Ethiopia, Liberia, Sierra Leone, Ghana, Uganda and others) Haitian or other Caribbean children Click here to register and find out more about this amazing camp.  http://www.heritagecamps.org/afam.html