Third Culture Kids and children adopted internationally at an older age

The term Third Culture Kid was first used in the 1960's by a woman named Ruth Hill Useem, who pioneered research on this interesting phenomenon.  It is a term that refers to children who grow up in a culture other than their own, relate to neither and incorporate them or many in their own identity.  I first learned about this when my husband and I were in training for our stint overseas working with the youth of missionaries and other foreign workers.  Oddly enough my husband and I both found ourselves finally identified in this term, having lived so long feeling out of sorts with the culture around us we now had an understanding of why. I grew up in one place all my life. Unlike my peers, I was not exposed to much social media nor the main stream culture. I was exposed to good books, church, my private school and missionaries home on furlough. That could hardly make me a TCK. Come on now, really. But, somehow I was. I was such an anomaly in my public High School that others thought I was one of the foreign exchange students with whom I hung out, because I was more comfortable with them.  Strange, I know. But, other things can make you a TCK that are not on this list.  My husband grew up in a small town near where his mother grew up. Never lived overseas. His dad is an immigrant from a culture which is the antithesis of America. His parents met while his mom was a teacher and aid worker over seas. My husband grew up in a third culture right here in rural America, where he did not fit at all. He fit even less when he went to the city for college. There you have it, a different kind of TCK.  If you have adopted children internationally who are older, you know they actually experienced life and remember it and it has shaped them.......... you have a TCK on your hands and it might be a good idea to look into what that is and what they may be experiencing in life. Here are some resources for you.

 I found these things several places on line so thought I would include them here. Most of them refer to children growing up over seas. Such as a Caucasian American child growing up in Ethiopia. But, what about an Ethiopian child growing up in Caucasian America, maybe this is how they will feel when they are bigger.

You know you are a TCK if:

- “Where are you from?” has more than one reasonable answer.
- You’ve said that you’re from foreign country X, and (if you live in America) your audience has asked you which US state X is in.
- You flew before you could walk.
- You speak two languages, but can’t spell in either.
- You feel odd being in the ethnic majority.
- You have three passports.
- You have a passport but no driver’s license.
- You go into culture shock upon returning to your “home” country.- Your life story uses the phrase “Then we moved to…” three (or four, or five…) times.
- You wince when people mispronounce foreign words.
- You don’t know whether to write the date as day/month/year, month/day/year, or some variation thereof.
- The best word for something is the word you learned first, regardless of the language.
- You get confused because US money isn’t colour-coded.
- You think VISA is a document that’s stamped in your passport, not a plastic card you carry in your wallet.
- You own personal appliances with 3 types of plugs, know the difference between 110 and 220 volts, 50 and 60 cycle current, and realize that a trasnsformer isn’t always enough to make your appliances work.
- You fried a number of appliances during the learning process.
- You think the Pledge of Allegiance might possibly begin with “Four-score and seven years ago….”- Half of your phone calls are unintelligible to those around you.
- You believe vehemently that football is played with a round, spotted ball.
- You consider a city 500 miles away “very close.”
- You get homesick reading National Geographic.
- You cruise the Internet looking for fonts that can support foreign alphabets.
- You think in the metric system and Celsius.
- You may have learned to think in feet and miles as well, after a few years of living (and driving) in the US. (But not Fahrenheit. You will *never* learn to think in Fahrenheit).
- You haggle with the checkout clerk for a lower price.
- Your minor is a foreign language you already speak.- When asked a question in a certain language, you’ve absentmindedly respond in a different one.
- You miss the subtitles when you see the latest movie.
- You’ve gotten out of school because of monsoons, bomb threats, and/or popular demonstrations.
- You speak with authority on the subject of airline travel.
- You have frequent flyer accounts on multiple airlines.
- You constantly want to use said frequent flyer accounts to travel to new places.
- You know how to pack.
- You have the urge to move to a new country every couple of years.
- The thought of sending your (hypothetical) kids to public school scares you, while the thought of letting them fly alone doesn’t at all.
- You think that high school reunions are all but impossible.
- You have friends from 29 different countries.
- You sort your friends by continent.
- You have a time zone map next to your telephone.
- You realize what a small world it is, after all. 

What is the Origin of term "Third Culture Kid"?
Sociologist Ruth Hill Useem coined the term "Third Culture Kids" after spending a year on two separate occasions in India with her three children, in the early fifties. Initially they used the term "third culture" to refer to the process of learning how to relate to another culture;  in time they started to refer to children who accompany their parents into a different culture as "Third Culture Kids." Useem used the term "Third Culture Kids" because TCKs integrate aspects of their birth culture (the first culture) and the new culture (the second culture), creating a unique "third culture".
 

What are the different types of TCKs?

Military/ARMY BRATS

Military brats, primarily from the United States, are the most mobile of TCKs but generally spend only a few years abroad, and sometimes none at all. Approximately 41% of military brats spend less than 5 years in foreign countries. They are the least likely TCKs to develop connections with the locals. Because military bases aim for self-sufficiency, military brats tend to be exposed the least to the local culture. Also, because of the self-sufficiency of military bases and the distinctiveness of military culture, even those military brats who never lived abroad can be isolated to some degree from the civilian culture of their "home" country.

While parents of military brats had the lowest level of education of the five categories, approximately 36% of USA military brat TCK families have at least one parent with an advanced degree. This is significantly higher than the general population.

Non-military government

Nonmilitary government TCKs are the most likely to have extended experiences in foreign countries for extended periods. 44% have lived in at least four countries. 44% will also have spent at least 10 years outside of their passport country. Their involvement with locals and others from their passport country depends on the role of the parent. Some may grow up moving from country to country in the diplomatic corps  while others may live their lives near military bases.

Religious / Missionary Kids

Missionary Kids (MKs) typically spend the most time overseas in one country. 85% of MKs spend more than 10 years in foreign countries and 72% lived in only one foreign country. MKs generally have the most interaction with the local populace and the least interaction with people from their passport country. They are the most likely to integrate themselves into the local culture. 83% of missionary kids have at least one parent with an advanced degree.

Business kids

Business families also spend a great deal of time in foreign countries. 63% of business TCK's have lived in foreign countries at least 10 years but are more likely than MKs to live in multiple countries. Business TCKs will have a fairly high interaction with their host nationals and with others from their passport country.

Other

The "Other" category includes anybody who does not fit one the above descriptions. They include: intergovernmental agencies, educators, international non-governmental organizations, media, etc. This group typically has spent the least amount of time in foreign countries (42% are abroad for 1-2 years and 70% for less than 5.) Again their involvement with local people and culture can vary greatly.  The parents of "Others" are the most likely of TCKs to have parents with an advanced degree (89% of families have an advanced degree.)  

*My note: other can include international families and internationally adopted children.

What are the Characteristics of TCKs?

There are different characteristics that impact the typical Third Culture Kid:

• TCKs are 4 times as likely as non-TCKs to earn a bachelor's degree (81% vs 21%)
• 40% earn an advanced degree (as compared to 5% of the non-TCK population.)
• 45% of TCKs attended 3 universities before earning a degree.
• 44% earned undergraduate degree after the age of 22.
• Educators, medicine, professional positions, and self employment are the most common professions for TCKs.
• TCKs are unlikely to work for big business, government, or follow their parents' career choices. "One won't find many TCKs in large corporations. Nor are there many in government ... they have not followed in parental footsteps".
• 90% feel "out of sync" with their peers.
• 90% report feeling as if they understand other cultures/peoples better than the average American.
• 80% believe they can get along with anybody.
• Divorce rates among TCKs are lower than the general population, but they marry older (25+).
  • Military brats, however, tend to marry earlier.
• Linguistically adept (not as true for military ATCKs.)
  • A study whose subjects were all "career military brats"—those who had a parent in the military from birth through high school—shows that brats are linguistically adept.
• Teenage TCKs are more mature than non-TCKs, but ironically take longer to "grow up" in their 20s.
• More welcoming of others into their community.
• Lack a sense of "where home is" but often nationalistic.
• Some studies show a desire to "settle down" others a "restlessness to move".
• Depression and suicide are more prominent among TCK's.

 Want more information on Third Culture Kids? 

• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_culture_kid 
• http://www.tckid.com/what-is-a-tck.html
• http://www.state.gov/m/dghr/flo/c21995.htm
• http://3rdculturekids.blogspot.com/ 

• TCK World Official Home of Dr. Hill Useem's research, sociologist who coined the term "Third Culture Kid"  http://www.tckworld.com/tckdefine.html
• Third Culture Kids on ABC News An interview with Ruth Van Reken, Brice Royer, and Daniela Tudor from TCKID
• Global Families | Third Culture Kids Recent research and current resources

 A story to illustrate the point:
The Story of Mr. Roundhead 

skin care, rash, products, Vitamin D, sunscreen

When my son had Strep Throat the first time he got this rash all over his body.  Now, my other kids have never had Strep and I have never seen a Strep rash. So, I go to look up skin rash on the internet. I had no idea his sore throat and skin rash were related. I thought he just got into something. So, I look up skin rash...... all the descriptions and photos are for white people. I was so perturbed! My first taste of inequality and I am ashamed that this has gone on so long. So, if you are a medical person, get some info up on the net for people with brown skin. It is high time. Anyway, we went to the Dr. and well, that is Scarletta, the fancy name for Strep rash, because of what color it is on white people. It was not scarlet on my son's brown skin. It was deep purple.
Here is an example. Two great sites for diagnosing skin rashes on babies and other family members. No mention of what it looks like on darker skin. Great information, keep in mind the rash your child has may look darker or a different color due to skin tone.  http://www.baby-medical-questions-and-answers.com/diagnose-my-skin-rash.html
http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/tools/symptom/545.html

So, I have done a little on line work. And I stress "little" because that is all there is. Maybe you too will benefit. Or maybe you can help be the remedy to this resource problem. If you know of good sites on any of these skin topics please add them in the comments for this post and thank you.

Skin irritations:http://www.pioneerthinking.com/jk_skincare.html
http://skincare.lovetoknow.com/Acne_Prone_African_American_Skin
If you cut your son's hair short- http://www.brownskin.net/men.html
Same page as above click the children tap and find info on ring worm of the scalp. I was surprised to find it here.
This is the best one out there-but is so limited. http://www.aad.org/public/publications/pamphlets/general_skin.html
http://www.crutchfielddermatology.com/treatments/ethnicSkin/  this one actually has photos, but it is not a diagnosis site- and only has stuff a dermatogist treats, no strep rash here. It is a dermatologist Dr. office site. 

Skin care:
http://www.skinsosilky.com/african-american-skin-care.htm
http://blackskincare411.com/
http://acne.about.com/od/treatmenttips/tp/TreatmentTipsforSkinofColor.htmhttp://health.discovery.com/centers/healthbeauty/ethnicskin/blackskin.html
http://health.discovery.com/centers/skin-health/skin-care/ethnic-skin.html
HAIR  http://www.happygirlhair.com/

Skin care products:
http://www.nyrajuskincare.com/
I noticed that in the ethnic section at WalMart there are acne products for darker skin.
We use Palmer's products on the boys and love it. I am allergic to Shea Butter...... Cocoa Butter is also a wonderful product. I also use a leave in conditioner for curly hair on the hair, I like the sort that you spray on. Also the no more frizz leave in conditioners seem to do well for the boys, but sometimes there is too much residue. I don't tend to like petroleum or shea based products for hair because they attract dirt and well, boys already attract enough of that.
I bet you can find a selection in what ever store you frequent: WalMart, Target, Kmart, Kroger's, grocery store, etc....
http://www.carolsdaughter.com/
http://www.treasuredlocks.com/
http://www.giveallforlove.com/

Sun and Vitamin D:
I do know that dark skin is sensitive. Excema is common. Sunburn is also a concern. I am saying this because I have heard it said that darker skin does not burn. This is not true. You should be just as hyper vigilant with your dark skinned children and sun as your light skinned children and sun. This is a common myth. Put sunscreen on them.
Mayo Clinic
American Cancer Society

This leads me to the rabbit trail of Vitamin D. I have heard and read that Vitamin D is absorbed primarily through eyes and secondarily through skin. (I also understand that this is up for debate and no one really knows all that much about it, but everyone seems to have an opinion that sounds really good).  If you use uv block sunglasses and sunblock, and or cover up outside you block Vitamin D absorption. Of course we have great reasons to do this. Be sure you get your kids supplements. In addition, darker skin and eyes do not absorb as much vitamin D as lighter skin and eyes. Read article here and here. So, be sure to get the supplements. Milk usually has it. But, many kids born in Ethiopia have lactose intolerance and dairy allergies. Vitamin D can be found in other things and supplemental vitamins. Check it out. Wikipedia on Vitamin D. All about Vitamin D. Vitamin D Council has some interesting info. But I would argue with them on their estimation that dark skin does not burn. This is a myth. http://www.vitamindcouncil.org/about-vitamin-d/how-to-get-your-vitamin-d/uvb-exposure-sunlight-and-indoor-tanning/

From:
http://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/vitamind.asp#h6People with dark skin
People with dark skin
Greater amounts of the pigment melanin result in darker skin and reduce the skin's ability to produce vitamin D from exposure to sunlight. Some studies suggest that older adults, especially women, with darker skin are at high risk of developing vitamin D insufficiency [41,56]. However, one group with dark skin, African Americans, generally has lower levels of 25(OH)D yet develops fewer osteoporotic fractures than Caucasians (see section below on osteoporosis).

From:
http://www.realhealthmag.com/articles/VitaminDdeficiency_AfricanAmericans_sunexposu_1936_18152.shtmlAfrican Americans and other people of color. Dark-skinned people have more melanin in their skin. The pigment interferes with the skin’s ability to produce vitamin D from exposure to sunlight.

So, use that sunscreen and eat foods high in vitamin D and take the supplement, but not too much. Tricky. Now, let's see if I can put this into practice too!

Changing your child's date of birth

Ok, we all know that the birth dates we receive for our kids are often not entirely accurate if even close. Some are off by months and other by years. If you find that it is necessary to change your child's date of birth you will want to gather all the supporting data you can manage to find. It is best to do this BEFORE you submit the information for the validation in your county. I understand that Colorado is no longer uniformly allowing date of birth changes at validation. It is not verified if this is by county or for the entire state. If you choose to try to do this at validation I would suggest two things. 1. change your paperwork so that it is typed as part of the document you turn in. 2. have all the possible proof you can come up with, medical, dental, etc.  If this does not fly or you don't want to push it here use the format for what to do to change a date of birth after validation. Scroll down and  you will find it listed here.

Information to include in a request for change of birth date:

1. Referral documents stating a different date of birth or estimate (if you are going with this state why you feel it is more accurate). Anything from the orphanage.
2. Notes from dialog with birth relative on date of birth, ask if there is a birth certificate.
3. Medical evaluations done here in the states. Doctor, Dentist, bone scan, international adoption clinic, etc.
4. Ages and stages questionnaire results.You can fill this out online or get printed version from your doctor.
5. Letter from Doctor and/or Dentist confirming different age than is on the adoption birth certificate. Lab and/or test results.
6. Letter from you stating why you feel this is important for the child's well-being. Give reasons of puberty issues.
7. Anything else you can possibly think of.
8. Information on :

• the court random assignment of birth dates and 
• the translation issues 
• and the Coptic calendar and the fact that Ethiopia is 7 years behind our Gregorian calendar.

Send this in with your validation papers.
RE-WORD the end of the validation page (Decree Validating Foreign Adoption). At the end of this paper it states that the child's name is now______________( you get to fill that in.) After that type in "From this date forward the correct birth date of said child will be _______________". Fill that in too.

Most of the time you can fill this out online in a PDF format and print it. Sometimes you can not save it, others let you. Make a copy to send and a copy to keep. If you do the work for the judge and show the need for the change, they most often will work with you.

When you have the birth certificate with the new date of birth on it you will need to send in the supporting documents you used for the validation when you apply for the Certificate of Citizenship.
If you are applying for other items, such as passport, SS#, etc. you MAY need this for them as well.  I think the COC and birth certificate would be good enough, but just in case be prepared. I am in the process of the SS# so, I will update this post when I know how they respond. :)

If you have changed the date of birth for your child and you have already received the Certificate of Citizenship or any other legal document it may be complicated to change.  I would suggest not doing the passport or ss# until you have changed the date of birth. You can get this done on the Certificate of Citizenship but it will prove to be an ordeal. Send in the documentation used for the Validation along with the Validation update and state certification of foreign birth. Both having the new date of birth on it.

If you need to get a passport use the corrected Certificate of Citizenship as proof. You have to have either that or the old passport. If you have done a name change then the old passport will do you no good anyway and you will have to use the Certificate of Citizenship.

If you need to change the date of birth after the validation a mom on one of my groups had this experience (this is a segment of her note):
3) Obtained CO Birth Certificate (not evidence of citizenship)
4) Found out through dental examination and developmental assessments at International adoption clinic that our daughter was two years older then reported
5) Compiled documentation of evidence to change age and submitted to juvenile court via a general request to the court to petition for a order to CO Vital Records to change birth date (no charge for this, you do not need to re-finalize adoption a second time to change the BC)
6) Order approved by court so we sent a request for new BC and fees for new BC to CO Vital Records
7) Received new CO BC in which they literaly crossed off her old birth date and typed in the new one
8) Sent ALL documents of for US passport with a note emphazing that the birth date had been changed
9) Received passport with correct (new) DOB at which time I went in person to the SS office and they corrected the birth date and changed number to a US citizen number
10) When you file for the COC  you need to provide reason for why you changed the birthdate of your child. The papers you provided for your validation should suffice. **If you automatically received the COC when you got home with your child you will need to purchase a changed COC and apply for those changes. I am not sure if they have a record of allowing date of birth changes but they have done name changes. There is a fee for this.

Formula or Schedule for doing your paperwork if you are changing a date of birth: 

I just wanted to let you know that changing your child's dob is NO problem at
all. You just have to go in a certain order and provide certain paperwork. If you do not, you will have more issues and have to re-do different parts or you may not get this done at all. You can use this as a check list so it is not as overwhelming.
>
> 1. get a temporary adoption tax id # (ATIN) NOT a SS#!!!!!!!!! !!! You can use
this for taxes for at least two years. It takes 10 weeks to get this. Apply
asap. Con-currant with Validation. You can take the adoption tax credit with the
ATIN number for at least 2 years if not more, we have done two, the first year
before validation and the second one after, no problems.

> 2. validate and change dob at the same time. Provide reasons you find the new
date to be accurate and why the old date is inaccurate. Look at the start of this post for information on what to include.
This process takes about 3 months in ElPaso County. You can start right away
and do it concurrently with the ATIN.
> Then you wait for the Birth Certificate and that is about 2-3 months. Once you
have that you apply for the COC, you can have all the papers ready to go once
you get the coc in hand.

> 3. get the certificate of citizenship. You have to do this if you change dob
because of the green card issue mentioned. Send in all the same info on why you
changed the dob that you sent with the validation. This could possibly take up
to 5 months because of the dob change, ordinarily it is about 3 months, maybe
with documentation sent it would be more like 3 months. **If you automatically received the COC when you got home with your child you will need to purchase a changed COC and apply for those changes. I am not sure if they have a record of allowing date of birth changes but they have done name changes. There is a fee for this.

> 4. get the SS# card using the coc with the official dob change registered on
it. Take papers stating why you changed dob, just in case. This could take about
1-2 months, or weeks.

> 5. apply for US passport using the coc and SS# card. You should not need any
dob change reasons documentation, but take it just in case. This takes about a
month to two months.
>
> Total time if working on this solidly is roughly 10-15 months. Depending on
the work load and if you have to re-do any part of it at any point. So, if you
start right away you can get it done relatively quickly. Start the paperwork for
the next part while you are waiting for the prior to come. Start the validation
and ATIN while you wait for your travel dates. You can fill in the specifics
when you get your child's birth certificate and the adoption papers from the
court in ET. Then send it when you get home, in case you have more to change. Of
course if you want to change the dob, you will need to wait until you are sure
of your child's age. So, if you are adopting an older child or toddler maybe
wait on the validation at least 6 months, that, of course adds time to the whole
thing. But, if you do it in this order you won't have issues with the dob change
and it will flow more smoothly. Links for all the forms (federal and state of
CO) can be found at:
http://jkdcolorado.blogspot.com/2009/07/paperwork-once-you-are-home-validation.h\
tml

Adoption Ministry Resources for your Church

Do you or someone at your church want to start an adoption ministry? Here are some links to ministries already in existence and resources for churches to start just such a ministry.

Churches doing this:
There are tons of these! That is sooooo great! Here is just a smattering of what they look like. I have included the gammet. Basic contact info all the way to elaborate "why we are committed to this and what we provide".  Some just have occasional get togethers, other have lots of different kinds of meetings and resources. Great examples of what you can do. 



Watermark Community Church Tapestry Ministry

Lake Pointe Church adoption ministry

Highview Baptist Church
Calvary Church Tapestry Ministry
Beauty from Ashes on line support
Healing Place Church
Desert Springs Church
Abba's Heart  a ministry of Sugar Creek Baptist Church
Irving Bible Church Tapestry Ministry creator
Open Arms Ministry of Calvary Church 
New Life Church

Guides to starting an Adoption and Orphan Care Ministry in your church:
Tapestry Blog for church
Matchbox, Christian Alliance for Orphans
DFW Alliance Adoption and Orphan Care ministry
Irving Bible Church Tapestry Ministry creator
Open Arms Ministry of Calvary Church 
Bethany Family Services guide for church ministry
CWA guide for church ministry
(I am NOT recommending either of the above agencies as an adoption agency, just a resource for church ministry).
Hope For Good Foundation
Adoption Discovery
Family Life
Focus on the Family Adoption Initiative

Here are two great articles from Empowered To Connect:
Support for Post Placement through churches
Safest Place on Earth???

If you feel that this is what God is calling you to do in your church--- GO FOR IT! There are lots of resources for you to use. You can do it.

Videos series for adoptive parents- Karyn Purvis

Here is a link to a video series on Vimeo you can watch on line. There are 41 videos on promoting attachment with your adopted child and being a healthy adoptive family, thrive. Karyn Purvis (The Connected Child) is the main speaker here. This is a resource of Tapestry Adoption and Foster Care Ministry of Irving Bible Church in Irving Texas. There is another branch of this ministry at Watermark Church in Dallas.
Have fun listening.

You can also find these videos at TCU Institute of Child Development site. This is Texas Christian University where Dr. Karyn Purvis (above) works. There are more resources on their site too. Here is a little about the Institute:

Mission Statement Our Mission is research, training, and outreach dedicated to the needs of families with at-risk children.

Brief History

The TCU Institute of Child Development (ICD) is a newly formed Institute (2005) created as a Vision-In-Action initiative supported by Chancellor Boschini at Texas Christian University. We are a part of the Center for Applied Psychology, within the College of Science and Engineering. The ICD is an outgrowth of the Hope Connection, developed by Dr. David Cross and Dr. Karyn Purvis in 1999.

Other than this video series you can find on here; Healing for Families DVD series and
Various webinars and conferences for families and professionals. Be sure to check it out!

Attachment signs to look for

So, you have your child home and you feel that things are going well, but you, being the educated on attachment adoptive parent you are, would like to know what signs to look for to test out if your child is attaching well or if there are issues that you could concentrate on. Good idea. Here are some ideas.

1. Nancy Thomas has a REALLY GREAT format in her book, Taming the Tiger While it is still a Kitten. It covers what is normal for each stage and things to look for. If for no other reason this is worth the buy. I have not found such a good overview anywhere else. I don't really know enough about any one therapy practice, so would not be recommending any certain program. But, I DO love this book and others by her and have found them useful with my kids. It is the best resource for this particular question that I have found.

Articles on line that address these questions and give good info regarding spotting attachment issues. None give you normal attachment behaviors. 


2. A4everfamily Attachment 101: A Primer for Parents, How attachment relationships impact brain development.  Healthy attachment signs  two pages here, follow the link.
3. Rainbow Kids list of attachment articles. Here are some of the titles. Good reading.

• Risk for Reactive Attachment Disorder in Adopted children.
• Insta-Attachment and Other Adoption Myths 
• Recognizing Attachment Problems in Internationally Adopted Preschoolers  
• Smoke Signals 

4. EMK Press: Subtle and not so subtle indications of attachment issues:  Please read their article for the full details. This is a good book to have too. Adoption Parenting: Creating a Tool Box, Building Connections by Jean MacLeod and Sheena Macrae, PhD :  You can not use these lists without reading the article. It just won't make sense, he expands on each list and explains why. Read it here:

Attachment Problems Subtle and Not-So-Subtle Signs By Arthur Becker-Weidman, PhD
 Excerpts from this article:
Not so subtle signs:
• Superficially engaging and charming behavior, phoniness
• Avoidance of eye contact
• Indiscriminate affection with strangers
• Lack of affection on parental terms
• Destructiveness to self, others, and material things
• Cruelty to animals
• Crazy lying (lying in the face of the obvious)
• Poor impulse control
• Learning lags
• Lack of cause/effect thinking
• Lack of conscience
• Abnormal eating patterns
• Poor peer relationships
• Preoccupation with fire and/or gore
• Persistent nonsense questions and chatter indicating a need to control
• Inappropriate clinginess and demanding behavior
• Abnormal speech patterns
• Inappropriate sexuality

Subtle signs of attachment issues:
• Sensitivity to rejection and to disruptions in the normally attuned connection between mother and child
• Avoiding comfort when the child’s feelings are hurt, although the child will turn to the parent for comfort
when physically hurt
• Difficulty discussing angry feelings or hurt feelings
• Over-valuing looks, appearances, and clothes
• Sleep disturbances. Not wanting to sleep alone
• Precocious independence
(a level of independence that is more frequently seen in
slightly older children)
• Reticence and anxiety about changes
• Picking at scabs and sores
• Secretiveness
• Difficulty tolerating correction or criticism>

GoodTherapy.org has the above article as well and some other listings. International Adoption Articles Directory also has this and more articles listed.  I like this part:
Excerpts from this article:


Older adopted children need time to make adjustments to their new surroundings.
Children who are adopted after birth, even only a few months old, are at risk for attachment problems.
Even infants adopted at birth can have attachment issues related to things experienced in the womb.

5. Rainbow Kids has an excellent article which highlights infant attachment issues.

Recognizing Attachment Problems in Internationally Adopted Preschoolers

Many adopted children do not exhibit obvious signs of attachment difficulties until they reach the age of three or four.

July 31, 2007/ Jessica Gerard

Often parents don't realize what they are dealing with. This article covers Recognizing attachment issues, symptoms of attachment issues and why the child may have attachment issues. Read it to get a fuller picture. Here is an excerpt:

BUT MY BABY BONDED RIGHT AWAY!

Internationally-adopted children are unattached when they first meet their new parents: after all, they are total strangers! The child initially regards the new parent as a yet another caregiver. Children who were already attached to a caregiver will be distressed at being handed over. They will grieve for days, weeks and even months, acting withdrawn and passive, or endlessly crying, or furiously angry. A child who shows no feelings of loss but is happy and smiling from the start may actually have significant attachment problems. A baby who clings desperately to the new mom, and shrieks when separated for a moment, is not instantly bonded, but terrified. It is a trauma bond necessary for survival. Most internationally-adopted children resolve their grief, and gradually and successfully bond with their new parents. Within a few days, the baby or toddler usually shows a preference for mom and dad, has good eye contact, and accepts caresses and comfort. Even unattached babies often learn to love within a few weeks and months, with the care and attention of a loving family. 

article specifically on infants and attachment

6. HelpGuide.org

This is a great article on attachment and the various types of attachment disorders and issues one may find themselves dealing with. It is a very informative article and well worth reading and studying. This site also has a list of more great links to articles on this topic.  

Attachment Disorders & Reactive Attachment Disorder

Symptoms, Treatment & Hope for Children with Insecure Attachment 

Excerpt: 

As children with reactive attachment disorder grow older, they often develop either an inhibited or a disinhibited pattern of symptoms:

• Inhibited symptoms of reactive attachment disorder. The child is extremely withdrawn, emotionally detached, and resistant to comforting. The child is aware of what’s going on around him or her—hypervigilant even—but doesn’t react or respond. He or she may push others away, ignore them, or even act out in aggression when others try to get close.
• Disinhibited symptoms of reactive attachment disorder. The child doesn’t seem to prefer his or her parents over other people, even strangers. The child seeks comfort and attention from virtually anyone, without distinction. He or she is extremely dependent, acts much younger than his or her age, and may appear chronically anxious.

7. Child attachment checklist Print off this attachment chart for children. 
Print off this checklist for infant attachment.
check list by age

8. Video on creating a secure attachment with your baby. Here.

9. 4everfamily has a GREAT SUPER WONDERFUL post on what a child with a healthy attachment will be like. Print this one off to use with your kids.  I wish I could print it here, but that would be copyright infringement now wouldn't it. So, go over there and check it out. It is superb!

10. Reactive Attachment Disorder  (There are tons, here are a few):
http://helpguide.org/mental/parenting_bonding_reactive_attachment_disorder.htm

http://www.radkid.org/what_is_it.html

http://www.attachmentdisorder.net/What_is_attachment_disorder.htm

More links for attachment sites:

Yahoo answers

Suite 101.com

Adoption Today magazine on line

A very good check list of how to tell if your child has a severe attachment issue: 

Attachment and Bonding Activities

Techniques to Increase Family Attachment
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory 

attachment check list by age

 

 

IAN hosts Colorado Ethiopian Heritage Camp

International Adoption Net wants to celebrate our children's heritage by having our first annual summer camp for families of Ethiopia adoption.  This week long camp will focus on cultural adjustment and support for youth ages 3-18 as well as parents and siblings.  Activities will include but are not limited to; Ethiopian dance, cooking, art, adjustment groups for youth and parents, as well as support groups for teens.  We will also have some wonderful guest speakers!
This is a great opportunity for families and youth to hear about others adoption journeys, challenges and rewards.  The camp is open to all families.  More details will be available soon!

Who:	All families and youth of Ethiopian adoption
What:	Fun, friends and Fabulous Ethiopia!
Where:	Joyous Chinese Cultural Center
	6940 S. Holly Circle, Centennial, CO 80122
	Map
When:	Monday thru Friday.   August 2 - 6, 2010

 

If you would like to join us, please click on the Pre-register now button . 

We hope to see you all soon!

For more information, contact Liz Bogetveit at International Adoption Net:

 303-691-0808

or

elizabeth@adoptioninternational.net

Abba Fund resources for parents home

Abba Fund has posted some interesting things on support for families home with their children. Support for families who have adopted children from hard places (who hasn't?) with the goal of seeing the child(ren) and families thrive. I think this is a great post and well worth more thought and exploration on the part of those who support adoptive families.  Post on supporting families.

Jane Kurtz signing to benefit Ethiopia Reads - Boulder!

American Girl author signing to benefit Ethiopia Reads

Saturday, May 1 9:00a to 11:00a

at Greenwood Community Church, Englewood, CO

Award-winning children's author Jane Kurtz will speak and sign copies of her two "Lanie" books, part of the American Girl Doll of the Year 2010 series at the Greenwood Community Church. A Lanie doll will be given away at the door, and an auction will feature a private tea with the author. Proceeds will help Denver-based Ethiopia Reads put books in the hands of Ethiopian Children. read more

Price: free

Phone: (303) 797-0660

Age Suitability: Kids and up

Tags: book signing, ethiopia, american girl

Award-winning children's author Jane Kurtz will speak and sign copies of her two "Lanie" books, part of the American Girl Doll of the Year 2010 series at the Greenwood Community Church. A Lanie doll will be given away at the door, and an auction will feature a private tea with the author. Proceeds will help Denver-based Ethiopia Reads put books in the hands of Ethiopian Children. Jane Kurtz co-founded the organization.

Event Website

Three letters for family and friends about attachment and bonding

When you come home with your new child you will want to set boundaries with your family and friends. Sometimes this just seems unnatural to those who have never adopted.  But, you know all about attachemnt and bonding and want to do the best thing for your child.  How do you go about it without offending your family and friends?   Here are two letters that you can use to share your concern for adoption attachment and bonding with your close friends and family before you bring your child home.  This should help in understanding anyway.  Two women on another group have shared these letters that they used and allowed me to publish them here.  Please adapt them to your family situation and needs.  Thanks so much Sharon and Anita and Cris for allowing me to share these great resources!

Letter example #1

"What to expect when we are home from Ethiopia"

Dear ___________
Adopting a preschool-age child is very different from bringing a newborn home from the hospital, but there are some similarities: You want everyone to come to the (hospital) airport to see your new child. That is the same. You want the house quiet, calm, low stimulus. That is the same. You want to limit visitors for the first several weeks. That is the same.

The similarities end there. _____ will hardly know her new mommy and daddy. We will be taking her on a long flight and leaving behind her loving nannies and friends. She will no longer be sharing a bunk with her friend in a room full of girls, but a room with her sister. She has never seen snow or felt the cold __________air. The language, the smells, the customs and routines will all be new. She needs time to get to know us and trust us. She needs to know that family members are safe to love and love deeply.

_______ is __years old. We do know pieces of what her life has been like until now and the circumstances surrounding her adoption. Though it is a encouraging testimony of God's grace, we are choosing to save the details of her story for her to share, when she chooses.

After consulting with other adoptive families from our community and other areas, and at the advice of adoption professionals, this is our plan: Once we arrive home we will have a no-visitors policy for 1 month. This is our time as a family to adjust to new family dynamics. High nurture and high structure are our goals. After this time, we will begin branching out a bit, but will still minimize our outside contacts until we see that she is feeling more secure in this new context.

Thank you in advance for your understanding and respect of how important these next few months are for our family. We want to start off doing what is best for __________ though parts may be difficult for the rest of us. We look forward to continuing to share life with all of you, with our whole family!!!

With much love and anticipation,
____________

Letter example #2

We wrote his up in preparation for ___ arrival and are sharing it with friends & family. I thought I'd post it here, too, to better explain the importance of attachment and to help others who might be adopting or who know other adoptive families...

Dear Family & Friends,

After over two years of waiting, our precious ___ is finally home! We know that each of you receiving this letter has, in some way, supported, loved and prayed for us. Because we know your care for ___ and our family, we want to share with you some information that we hope will best equip everyone around him to assist us in laying the strongest and healthiest foundation - emotionally, physically and spiritually.

In many ways, ___ will be like the children who entered our family through birth; we will parent like other Christian families as we bring all of them up in the instruction and discipline of the Lord. But there will be a few, initial differences. For years now, we have researched bonding and attachment in children, especially those coming home through adoption from an institutional orphanage setting.

We are confident of this: God's design is PERFECT! His plan for parents and children is a beautiful and meaningful picture of His love for us. Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need and communicates that need. The primary caretaker (usually mommy) meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses & calms the baby - which teaches him that this person is safe and can be trusted. By God's very design, an emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies, which will affect their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents will, ultimately, give children a trust for and empathy towards others.

Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. The good news is that we can now, as ___'s parents and forever family, rebuild attachment and help him heal from these emotional wounds. When ___ comes home, he will be overwhelmed. Everything around him will be new and he will need to learn not just about his new environment, but also about love and family. He has not experienced God's design for a family in an orphanage setting. The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed him. As this repeats between us, he will be able to learn that parents are safe to trust and to love deeply. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection. Once __ starts to establish this important bond, he will then be able to branch out to other, healthy relationships.

___ will have, what may seem like, a lot of structure, boundaries and close proximity to us. Please know that these decisions are prayerfully and thoughtfully made choices based on immense amounts of research and instruction from trusted adoption mentors. We will be doing what we believe is best to help him heal from those interruptions in attachment as effectively as possible. Why are we telling you all of this? Because you will actually play an awesome and vital role in helping our ___ settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future. There are a few areas in which you can help us:

The first is to set physical boundaries. It will help us immensely if adults limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with __. This will (for a while) include things like holding, excessive hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone - which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed! __ should know that the people with whom he interacts are our trusted friends.

Another area is redirecting __'s desire to have his physical and emotional needs met by anyone (including strangers) to having us meet them. Orphans often have so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are "very friendly" but this is actually quite dangerous for the child. To share this is difficult for us because we have snuggled, cared for, fed and loved so many of your children. Please understand that we want nothing more than to have __ hugged, cuddled and cherished by ALL of you (he's totally irresistible and huggable). But until he has a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct him to us if you see that he is seeking out food, affection or comfort.

We are incredibly blessed to have so many loved ones around us. We couldn't ask for a better extended family & circle of friends for our precious __. Thank you so much for your love and support over the past two years. If you have any questions please feel free to ask at any time!

Example Letter #3

Dear Friends and Family:

Very soon, we’ll be bringing ----------- home and starting the process of becoming a new and bigger family.  This is an exciting and scary time for all of us, especially for -------------.  In his short life, our son has gone through more changes and life altering experiences than most adults could handle.  He's already experienced the loss of a birthmother (replace with your child’s situation) and will soon experience the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of his birth country.  His world will turn upside down.  He will be disoriented and confused.  He will struggle with feeling safe and secure and lack the ability to trust that we will meet his needs. 

The process of learning to trust that we are the two adults in his world who will always be there to care for him is called attachment.   You know that building trust is hard, takes a lot of time and a lot of work.  It gets easier over time, but things are going to be a little strange at first and we ask that you please understand and respect what’s happening.  We are not closing you out, you are the most important people in our lives.  But ---------- needs to have boundaries in place to develop a strong, and healthy attachment to us.

Physical Boundaries

It will help us immensely if adults limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with -------------. This will (for a while) include things like holding, excessive hugging and kissing.  Children from orphanages are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone.  Unfortunately, this disrupts his ability to attach to us. Waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed!  ----------------- should know that you are our trusted friends and family.

Caretaking

------------ has gone from having a caring mother to relying on a stream of different adults to meet his needs.  He’s learned that he has to compete for the attention of every adult he sees to get basic things like food, clothing, blankets and comfort.  Charming every available adult becomes a survival technique.   While that might work in an orphanage, it’s dangerous in our world.  It’s not safe for ------------- to ask random strangers for a hug.  In order for ----------- to learn healthy, appropriate boundaries with strangers, he has to begin by learning that we are the two people responsible for meeting his needs.  For a while, we need to be the only ones to hand him food, give him water, comfort him when he bumps his head.  If he asks you for something, please ask us.  For a while, it will look like we’re spoiling him.  As he learns that we are his parents, it will become OK to treat Fisher just like our other ones.

Discipline

Because of his experiences, ------------- might have learned that adults are scary and unreliable.  A gentle scolding can feel like a ton of bricks to him.  Discipline will be very tricky.  Just as it is important for ------------ to understand who his caretakers are, he needs to learn that we (and not every adult he sees) are ------------ authority figures to be trusted not to hurt him and yet still hold him to a standard.  

Thank You

Thank you for understanding and supporting us in this amazing, but challenging time!  We’re sure you can’t wait to read more, so here are some links below on attachment in international adoption.

Your names

p.s. - Some Resources

An article on attachment in school-age children. (http://www.pactadopt.org/press/articles/attach-school.html)

A pamphlet courtesy of the Feds.  Attachment is discussed on page 4. (http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/parent_school_age/parent_school_age.pdf)

A brief article on attachment. (http://www.earlyinterventionsupport.com/parentingtips/adoption/healthyattachments.aspx)

A scholarly article.  (There are probably better ones, but we don’t have good access to those). (http://www.ahealthymind.org/ans/library/Adoption%20Gribble%2007.pdf)

An article on attachment from Focus on the Family (focusing on the secular aspects at the beginning) (http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/adoptive_families/attachment_and_bonding/promoting_healthy_attachment.aspx)

A blog post on how it might feel to be a child in an international adoption. (http://benjaminandholly.blogspot.com/2009/04/attachment-analogy.html)

A blog post on how undeveloped attachment looks in the real world.  (http://adoption.families.com/blog/trust-and-attachment)

A web article on adopting school-age kids. (http://www.suite101.com/content/attaching-to-adopted-school-age-kids-a60661)

A short blurb on adopting older kids by noted author Karen Purvis. (http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1090)