How old is my adopted child?

Ever Google this and get nothing useful? Here is a great post on a blog I read, the post is about determining the correct age of your adopted child. Africa In Our Hearts  specific post is here.
There are all sorts of options out there: bone scans, ability, physical characteristics, dental.
From what I have read, compared to Caucasian kids, kids of African decent tend to get and loose teeth a bit earlier and kids of Asian decent, a bit later.  Our dentist said that if a child is between 1 and 6 it is next to impossible to determine age with dental exam and x rays. He said you can get a 2-3 year accuracy. So, if your child is 5 their teeth could show they are between 3 and 6. That is not very helpful. Now, when they start loosing teeth and getting adult teeth the margin of error is within 18 months or so. That is better, but still not great.
When we picked up our boys we were told they were 2 or 3. Nate would have been 2 1/2 and Keds a new 3 year old. In size, yes! They weighed about 26 lb/27 inches tall (the 3 year old) and 30 lb./28 inches tall (2 year old) and were in a size two toddler clothing.  Within a day it was very obvious that the ages we had were not accurate, we did expect this.  Our child who had just turned three, could color in the lines, write something that looked like Amahric characters (maybe his name?), ask thoughtful questions, eat with a fork nicely and kick a soccer ball like a pro. His coordination was amazing, his verbal ability in his native tongue, advanced. His fine motor skills, wow! Nope, maybe this kid is 5, we reasoned. On the other hand, the other son seemed accurate in some ways and not in others. We were in for a mystery. We used a combination of dental, physical traits, ability and emotional development. Of course, taking into account the things that negatively effect such things like: orphanage life, higher expectations of kids to care for self and tasks in Ethiopia, malnutrition, possible abuse, grief and culture shock. After the boys had some language and had caught up somewhat with nutrition, I had a fun time doing the Ages and Stages activities with them. Get forms here. In the end we assessed that our son who we were told had just turned three was in fact almost to turn 4. Not too off. We have been told by professionals that he may be gifted. For this child we have a hospital birth certificate. No, this was not the age on his adoption birth certificate. The photo of this child looks much more like a 10-12 month old child and so we were not sure what year would be accurate. We have ascertained that the birth date given on it is indeed correct and we have changed his birth date back to that one. For our other son, we moved his age up by a few months. Even though he may, in fact, be even older than this, he is emotionally delayed and physically behind and he needs all the advantage he can get, but is certainly not as young as his adoption birth certificate claims. We went with the month the orphanage estimated for him on our referral papers, no it was not the same.
So, I would say that it is important to take all the factors into account when trying to decide how old your child is. It certainly won't be an easy mystery to solve, but it will be interesting.
1. by their teeth: they may loose teeth earlier.
2. by their capabilities: children are required to be far more self sufficient in Ethiopian homes and especially in the orphanage, They may have higher developed skill sets than we would expect for their age.
3. by their emotional levels: taking into account the stress of loss, grief, orphanage life, fending for themselves, changes that occur with adoption, culture shock, etc. you will want to evaluate this one carefully.
4. by their physical development: malnutrition or under nutrition is common and expected, along with a myriad of medical issues, these things can make a child look younger than they actually are. Oh and the theory that Ethiopians are just small. Ummmmm, nope. I have met some really, really tall Ethiopians. Taller than my 6 foot 4 inch husband. And, beefy strong too, or lanky strength. Nope, not a small people really. I think if you know the ancestral heritage of your child that would really help. Tribal groups are so different in physical make up.
5. intellectual ability/academic: well, that is really pretty silly. With language acquisition, and the spattering of schooling the children get, well, that is just not a fair measurement.

Who determines your child's birth date on the adoption birth certificate? As far as I understand the Ethiopian government does this. It is not up to the orphanage.It can be random or whatever their social worker has recommended.

How did you get a hospital birth certificate for your son? Well, now that is a gift. Most children are not born at a hospital. One of our son's was and somehow the birth certificate was obtainable. WOW! It tells us so much. I am blessed beyond words to have it.

Changing your child's birth date legally. I posted about this on the post for validation. Here.

Scabies, Ringworm, Molluscum, skin irritations, Giardia

Ok, you are getting ready to leave or you are recently home with your newly adopted kids. Skin issues are a big concern. What do you need to know? What should you do about this or that? Well, here are a few thoughts and tips on some of the more common skin issues that kids from Ethiopia deal with.
There is a ton of information on the Orphan Doctor web site and I would suggest a thorough read of this page before going to any doctor. Maybe even a print out. :) Here.

Scabies:

This helpful tip was given on our adoption agency yahoo group and the author of it gave me permission to post it here. Thanks Jen!
I thought I'd post this tidbit for the future travelers in the group. We have
been home for 3 weeks now, and just a few days ago, our live-in nanny developed
a rash that was diagnosed today as Scabies! Loads of fun. After some research
I found out that your child can have Scabies mites and not show symptoms, and
still infect others in your house. The incubation time from initial infestation
to showing symptoms varies from 2 to 6 weeks. We have to treat EVERYONE in the
house on the same night (Permethrin Cream 5%, one time overnight), AND wash
everything -- bedding, clothes, towels, etc. Everything that can't be washed
(stuffed animals, very large blankets) go into plastic bags for 10 days.
Mattresses get put into plastic mattress bags for 10 days as well. If you can
fit stuff in your freezer, it does the same thing as the plastic bags, but only
takes overnight (our jackets are currently in the freezer). We have to repeat
it all a week later if anyone is itchy.

So, my reason for writing this -- treat your child and yourselves BEFORE you
come home! Shimeles never showed signs of Scabies -- no rash, no itching, but
there's nowhere else it could have come from.

I had the cream with us in ET, but didn't use it because I didn't see any
symptoms. Do yourselves a favor and take care of it before you come home. The
treatment is very benign, and usually one application is curative. The laundry,
however, is the gift that keeps on giving.
End message from my yahoo group.

Use HOT water in every load. Use the washing machine as the laundry hamper for your child and do not wash anything else with his clothes and sheets. Change often. Shower often.The medication you use is called Permethrin cream 5%  and it is a prescription. You put it all over head to foot for a few days and then it is gone. It works great and we used it for spot treatment after treatment as well. We used it in Ethiopia and we had no issues with it once we got home. Highly recommend treating. Take it home with you if you don't use it, just in case. If you don't use it in 6 months you can give it to a traveling family. That is how we got ours. 

Ringworm:

(from me) Ringworm looks like a little water filled pimple at first, then a small blister, then it develops into a RING of tiny blisters and grows and festers. It itches. As soon as you notice it use one of two proven products on it. #1 Lotramin Ultra or ring worm cream or #2 TeaTree Oil (pure). This is going to be a repeat thing. Here is a coupon for the Lotramin ring worm cream (different than Lotramin Ultra) . DO NOT use an off brand, it does not work as well. I know we tried several in order to save money and just ended up buying the expensive stuff.

Ringworm on the scalp. Ok, let's face it, this is not a big issue American doctors deal with and they pretty much stink at diagnosing it. They look at the scary photos on line and say, "nope, your kid just has dry skin or cradle cap, or dandruff". Well, that is what it looks like on the scalp. Dry patches, or maybe tiny pimples. You might notice this when you shave off your son's hair every once in a while, if you do that. On a daughter it would be less visible. One sure way to tell if your child has ringworm of the scalp is if you keep getting it. We had taken care of scabies and ringworm on our boys and they seemed to be "cured". But, for some mysterious reason us parents kept getting it on our arms and chins. Hmmm. Who's precious little head nestled in those two places frequently? Our boys. I determined that it had to be ringworm by reading in a book we have for missionaries and talking to other adoptive parents and reading the subtle indicators that only some sites give. I tried Lotramin Ultra on it. I tried fungal powder on it. I tried tea tree oil on it. Nothing worked. After the boys had been home about 11 months and still had it, i basically told the dr that we HAD to have some cure. They did a lab test on the hair roots and much to the surprise of the Dr. yes it was ringworm. They took the meds (oral antifungal, such as Grifulvin (Griseofulvin) or Loprox) and, well, that was the end of that! So, no side effects and it worked. Ringworm is a fungus and it lives in the system, not just on the skin. So a child who has had it a long time will not be all that successfully treated by topical meds, because it has become systemic. So, the oral med really gets it out of the system. Suggested just for tough cases.I will say it was really expensive, but worth it.
It is possible that your child may also have a staph/strep infection on the scalp. This is sometimes caused by the fact that the Ringworm  has opened the head for infection. Some families Doctors have prescribed
ketaconazole 2% shampoo for daily use as well as econazole nitrate cream in addition to the griseofulvin oral meds. Also, due to the starts of secondary infections, bactraban cream, may be prescribed to prevent the spread of staph/bacteria.  Apparently some really good tests need to be made. Perhaps an adoption clinic or specialist would be able to diagnose this condition.



Good information Web MD on Ringworm more on Web MD.
For pets here
Drug info for people, for pets
It is recommended to use Selsen Blue shampoo or other anti fungal body products at the same time. It is also a good idea to find anti fungal products for the house and laundry.
Two good sites describing Ring worm of the scalp in African American children, very helpful! Skin of Color and Skin Care .

Molluscum:

This is a round, fleshy, flesh lump of skin that appears on the face or body. It is water filled and is acutally a harmless fungus. If it bursts it could so be sure to keep it clean. Tea Tree Oil has been used to dry it out by some parents. It goes away on it's own. A mom on one of the forums I am on used Terracil on her kids and it went away in weeks rather than month. You might look that one up and see what you think of it.

Skin irritations:

Our boys get patchy dry skin and sometimes what we call "chicken skin" tight bumpy dry skin on their chest, tummy and back. They also get little tiny bumps on their faces and necks. FOR US this is relieved by giving them lactose free milk, soy milk or rice milk. They seem to be fine with yogurt, ice cream, cheese, etc. in limited amounts. We were told that this is just dry skin, but it goes away with out the Lactose milk. So, i think it is more than dry skin. Worth a try.

Giardia:

Even though it is not a skin related issue, I am going to add Giardia here because we had to deal with this for over a year. That seems egregious to me and I hope none of you have to deal with it that long. It did not transfer to any other members of the family, and for that I am grateful. We were extra careful.  I do understand that it is somewhat normal, so don't fret too much if you too are doing way too many samples and meds and getting NO results. After several rounds of multiple meds (some I learned later were not even for Giardia) we switched doctors and got a script for 45 ml tinidazole 250 mg/5cc suspension meds. This is usually used successfully for resistant cases. It worked great. The giardia can become resistant when left untreated which is the case for many Ethiopian kids who come home with it. So, if you have not yet tried that, see if it could work out. We had to have it formulated at a compounding pharmacy and it is a bit more pricey, but hey, it works, and that is less than all the treatments we used before that did not work all combined. 

So, for other things and more info on any of these: go check out the Orphan Doctor web site. It is really informative. Here. You can also check Web MD for specific information and also Drugs.com for info on the medications listed here. Of course none of this is medical advice and you should see a Pediatrician or medical doctor for treatment and diagnosis. Or your vet if your child has transferred any of this to your pets - pretty common!

Dinosaur Train -- PBS review

Ok, We hardly ever watch TV. But, about a month ago I had sick kids at home and had a ton to do. I turned on PBS hoping there was something great on. The kids watched a show called Dinosaur Train. In this show there is a family of Dinosaurs they are a Taranadon family. They have four kids Tiny, Shiny, Dawn and Buddy. Buddy is a T Rex and he is adopted. The point of the show is that the family goes around learning about different dinosaurs and other animals and plants of the prehistoric period. The dinosaurs are cute and lovable and portray great family values and educational values. I love that one of them is adopted and that it is totally normal. PBS link to games for kids with Dinosaur Train.

So, now we watch Dinosaur Train anytime we are home on a weekday at 8 am. Not very often!!! I am still waiting for this to come out on DVD and in book form.

Deborah House SIM

We get a great newsletter from SIM ( a Christian mission group working on every continent of the world). They do a lot of great work in Ethiopia. They have a great HIV program and a clean water program. They do a lot of other stuff too. We like to keep up with what is going on there. The needs are vast and the opportunities to give are numerous. There are a great many organizations that are reputable and a few who are not. How do I know? Well, since our resources are quite limited, we focus on one organization. SIM in Ethiopia. I KNOW they are reputable and do a great many really needed and successful works.
I recently learned about a house in Ethiopia where they take in older girls and help them learn a trade and get a good start in life. It is called Deborah House.  SIM has a bunch of information on it on their site *HERE*, what it is, who benefits, what they do, how you can help. There are also stories from the girls and articles about Deborah House. Check it out.

While you are there: Water project and HIV project, other ways to be involved with Projects in Ethiopia, and general information on SIM Ethiopia

Widget link up

I have added a share this blog button which you can take you your blog and post as a gadget and your friends can use it to visit this helpful blog. So, if you have friends who are interested in Ethiopian Adoptions put up a link to The Wayfarer. If you have found helpful information on this blog, share it with others. I'd appreciate it and so will all those looking for great information. Thanks a bunch!  Please comment here to let me know if it works or does not work!
Thanks for sharing!
Jill

Post Adoption Depression

Post adoption depression is real. I am really glad that I came upon this article
on Melissa Fay Green's site before we traveled. I needed that assurance that it
is normal, what it is and that it goes away. And it did! A lot of moms and even some dads experience this and so it is good to come out and talk about it. It is not something you expect with child birth, although it is more talked about, let alone with adoption. But, it does happen and it is real and it does go away! Thank God it goes away! But, it is normal, so if you are feeling this way, you are in the company of many, talk about it and don't be afraid.
http://www.thereisnomewithoutyou.com/blog?op=view&id=18
another woman who has blogged about her experience with post adoption depression. It is good to know you are not alone. Julie Gumm  http://juliegumm.com/wordpress/?p=1608  and http://juliegumm.com/wordpress/?p=1632

Here are a few more articles on it:
http://www.thebabycorner.com/page/1165/
http://www.wdxcyber.com/post-adoption-blues.html
http://www.epigee.org/depression-after-adoption.html
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=705
Connecting with kids
Rainbow Kids:
Confessions of an Adoptive Parent with Attachment Issues

Yahoo group:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostAdoptionDepression/

Book:
Post Adoption Blues 
http://www.amazon.com/Post-Adoption-Blues-Overcoming-Unforeseen-Challenges/dp/1579548660/ref=sr_1_167?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1267916709&sr=1-167

What folks are doing and seeing while in Ethiopia

People are always asking what to do when they are in Ethiopia. So, I have asked a few moms who I know to give us some ideas using what they did while they were in country for their adoptions.

This is from Lisa and Steve about what they were able to do while they were in Ethiopia, thanks Lisa:

We visited Children's Hope Chest projects, Drawn from Water (an organization
who rescues children who are to be drowned in the river due to tribal
superstitions) and several orphanages. One family visited their Compassion
child whom they had sponsored for ten years. They said it was an amazing
experience! We also visited three other orphanages. One of the highlights of
our trip (although it was very hard) was our trip to Sodo, five hours south
of Addis, to meet our child's birth mother. Finally, we visited the Robera
coffee factory.

I suggest getting into the countryside in some way and visiting some
orphanages, micro finance projects, or other organizations that are
assisting in humanitarian aid. It will put American life into proper
perspective.

From myslef:
We also would suggest getting into the country side. Two day trips of sorts are Wolisou where there is a mini resort with a hot springs swimming pool. Go on a thursday. And the other is Entoto, where you can see a small museum, a church and the palace remains of King Menalik II. The view of Addis is stunning, and even in the fog and rain the scenery is so surreal. Great trips.
We also visited our Compassion Child and would highly recommend that trip of a lifetime if you sponsor a child in the area.

I hope to add to this post the experiences of others. If you have suggestions  on what to do leave a comment.

Yebsabi Guest House review

Lisa and Steve recently stayed at the Yebsabi Guest House when they were there to adopt their new daughter, and I have asked her to write a review of her experience there. Thanks Lisa! Here is what she says:

The Yebsabi Guest House was a welcome reprieve in the busy city. It was
clean, quiet (except for a few barking dogs and a Friday night party in the
streets) and the service was outstanding.  They have a full-time chef who
prepares a complimentary breakfast daily. Our favorite was a "pita pancake",
but he would also make omelets or eggs by request.  If he was informed by
4pm, he would make dinner. We did this several times because it was good,
safe and easy.  Our favorites: 1. Yebsabi pizza and 2. chicken and rice with
a yummy tomato sauce

We had a suite with a kitchen, which was so helpful for the times we cooked
for ourselves. I wish we would have brought more pasta and sauce and we
would have cooked even more ourselves. It was a comfort to have "safe" food
to eat. The best food choice I took was a large bag of mixed fruit and nuts
from Costco. That lasted all ten days for me (my husband wouldn't eat
"rabbit food", but I was satisfied).  We were very cautious about eating,
drank only bottled water and fortunately, did not get sick.

I pondered the contrast of our lodging with the surrounding buildings. I
looked out of our window daily at women who were hand washing their laundry
and preparing food in pots on the floor. One time a woman was snapping beans
then laying them on the concrete. Their concept of germs is quite
non-existent. Their immune systems must be amazing in that so many survive
so much unsanitary living.

I was so pleased that the owner accommodated all of these families who were
adopting.  After we received our children, it was busy and some of the
parents were not as sensitive to their behavior as I was. However, the owner
was gracious about it and it obviously does not keep her from welcoming
these small children into her business.