Behavior: is it adoption or is it age?

I just read a great article in Adoptive Families. (click here to read it). It is a common question for parents to wonder about their kids behavior. Is it adoption or is it age? Is my child extra whinny because she is 4 or because she is insecure about her family and belonging? Is my son aggressive because he feels left out of the sibling trio going to school or is it because he is adopted and reliving feelings of abandonment? Adoptive parents are often asking themselves this sort of question. Parenting adopted kids can be tricky with all the normal age and situational behaviors and adding in the ones touched by adoption. Well, this article addresses those concerns with professional and thoughtful answers. Go read it and be relieved. :)

In our house lately there has been a bunch of "i feel left out" sort of manipulative and angry behaviors. K started school and N feels left out, the only kid, of four, at home. We do school at home, it is just not the same. The fact that he is the youngest is highlighted in bold and he is not happy about that and is not about to go down alone. His efforts to take everyone down in the "feel sorry for me" or "try to make myself feel bigger" efforts is getting to everyone. We have taken steps to make him feel special and loved and included but that fact is, he is still the youngest child, the only one NOT in school. He is gradually coming to accept this and maybe it is "his lot in life" but we hope he will enjoy his time with mommy all to himself and find the benefits of being the youngest sibling. Maybe, in time. But for now, we will be glad he is getting used to it, albeit rather gradually.